


it's not hard to act in love with you

by 61wisampa



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: Actors, Alternate Universe - Actors, Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Celebrity AU, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Slow Burn, past emotional abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2018-08-11 19:31:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 63,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7904839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/61wisampa/pseuds/61wisampa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Carmilla decided to become an actress, she made three vows to herself. First is to never lie about her sexuality. Second is to never pretend to date someone for publicity. And third is to never fall for someone who plays her love interest. But after meeting Laura Hollis and being cast as her on-screen love interest....</p><p>Well... that last one is a bust.<br/> </p><p> </p><p>aka that cliche story where you fall in love with your co-star</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Our Ship Sails

**Chapter I: Our Ship Sails**

Despite hating each other when they first meet, Carmilla can't deny the chemistry she has with Laura Hollis when they audition together, and if she were being honest, it is that chemistry that lands both of them their first serious acting roles.

They are in no sense the main characters, but they play a sideline couple in _Silas University_. They would appear in all of the show's episode this season where their relationship would be developed until the second to the last episode, where they would end up together to satisfy the queer demographic that the show is aiming for.

Cute and tiny cupcake Laura Hollis plays the freshman journalism student who is the love interest's roommate while Carmilla plays a broody philosophy major badass who always bothers her. Carmilla is also the main character's Friend Number Two, and she takes Literature class with Laura's character and the main character's group of friends.

Their relationship off screen isn't too far off from their relationship on screen, so for the most part, acting together has been natural, which often leads to the two of them doing ad lib that the director always seem to love.

“Hey there, Cupcake.” Carmilla gracefully slides into the seat beside Laura, a smirk on her face as she looks at the blonde girl.

Laura lets out a controlled breath, obviously irritated. “How many times do I have to tell you, Ellia, my name is Amanda, not a pastry.”

“I know, Buttercup. I just like seeing that bunched up face of yours. It's adorable.” Carmilla replies, pinching Laura's nose gleefully which is definitely not on the script.

Laura slaps her hand away, looking indignant. She opens her mouth, as if she's about to retort, but she takes a calming breath and instead growls a low “You are _infuriating_.”

The professor for the class comes in just as planned, and after a few of his lines, Elsie, who plays the main character, will burst into the scene.

But instead of taking the cue and keeping quiet, Carmilla smirks wider and whispers back to Laura. “I just call it as I see it.”

Laura narrows her eyes at her scene partner but nonetheless goes along with it. “That I'm what, childish and unhealthy?”

Carmilla can't help but chuckle, replying in a low seductive voice. “That you're sweet and edible.”

They keep rolling just long enough to catch Laura's blush, and Carmilla laughs after the call 'Cut!' as the blonde girl fans herself vigorously to get rid of it.

* * *

 

“Carm! Those are my cookies!”

“And they're very delicious.”

“How do you expect me to know that if you're eating them?!”

“That's why I'm telling you, sweetheart.”

The arguments doesn't really stop. Carmilla likes teasing Laura too much, and Laura is too stubborn not to argue back. Even when Perry, their producer, asks Carmilla to tone down the teasings, Carmilla only shrugs and says, “She looks cute when her face is all scrunched up.”

(Perry isn't sure if Carmilla's words are from the script, or if the script comes from Carmilla's words.)

It becomes her favourite thing on set. Every time they have a shoot together, Carmilla will find Laura for the sole purpose of teasing her. Carmilla looks forward to these interactions, and at first, Laura will always end up angry, making the face that Carmilla likes so much.

“Carm, are you wearing my flannel shirt?” Laura asks with that cute frown on her face.

“Well, they're in my costume rack and it goes well with my tank top.” Carmilla smiles innocently, knowing it will annoy Laura even more.

To Carmilla's quiet surprise, Laura just laughs, heading towards Carmilla's clothes rack. “I'm taking your leather jacket hostage in exchange then.”

Carmilla's eyebrow rises in amusement as the blonde tries it on. Carmilla mentally notes that _leather + Laura = hell yes!_ “Maybe you should keep it.”

Laura pretends to think before sniffing the collar. “When was the last time you washed this?”

Carmilla shrugs. “A week ago.”

Laura's face scrunches up in disgust, but there was a smile on her face. “Ew. You're lucky you don't have body odor.”

“Cupcake, you don't have to hide your burning desire to smell my clothes with disgust.”

Laura giggles, and that is when Carmilla decides that Laura's scrunched up face was much more adorable when it's accompanied by a bright smile.

* * *

 

They hang out.

Like.

_A lot._

Once Laura learns to not take Carmilla's teasings so seriously, and Carmilla to know when her jokes go too far, they actually become pretty great friends.

They come together to set one day when Laura's Uber passed Carmilla as she's walking to set. The other casts and crew are surprised at first, but after explaining the situation, no one thinks more of it. After shooting though, Laura and Carmilla get wrapped at the same time—they start to get more similar schedules as their characters grow closer in the episodes they shoot—and Laura invites Carmilla to go home together.

Since then, they tend to carpool when they're shooting the same day and even wait for each other during the rare occasions that they don't get wrapped together.

Carmilla brings packets of Laura's favourite hot chocolate (because Swiss Miss just isn't enough on long days), and in turn, Laura brings her yellow pillow for Carmilla to sleep on during breaks (because she has the sleeping schedule of a vampire and an 8 am start usually means three hours of sleep).

They work on their lines together outside the set where they usually end up doing TV show marathons (Laura's place) or a Dance Central competition (Carmilla's place) instead when they finish or when Carmilla gets bored. Laura always insists on running their lines together at least three times, but Carmilla has learned that the best way to get her to stop is to bait her with a new dance or just tell her that Carmilla hasn't in fact watched the new episode of some show.

It helps their already great chemistry, and it definitely shows on screen.

* * *

 

Laura barges into Carmilla's apartment one day, heading straight to her room to wake her up. Laura jumps onto her bed, shaking Carmilla's shoulders violently as she talks a kilometer per second. It was at that moment that Carmilla regrets ever giving the blonde cupcake the key to her place, no matter how convenient it is to wake up in mornings that they have a shoot and already have breakfast prepared for her.

(Laura has made it her personal obligation to keep Carmilla fed when she found out the brunette only drinks coffee for breakfast and occasionally some cereal before shoots.)

She groans as Laura continues to poke her incessantly.

“Carm, c'mon! Silas University is premiering tonight! We need to go out and buy snacks before going to Perry's. And it's already two o'clock!”

Carmilla covers her face with her pillow. “And I wasn't planning on getting up until 5 pm. So leave me alone.”

Laura huffs, and Carmilla can almost see her crossing her arms indignantly and the pout that blonde most likely has on her face. “The premiere is at six.”

“Plenty of time to eat, shower and go to Perry's.”

“You can't bring nothing to a party!”

“I'm bringing myself.”

Laura doesn't reply. Instead, Carmilla feels the weight off her and for a moment, wonders whether Laura is giving up. But of course, that isn't Laura's style at all, and after a moment, arms are wrapped around her waist and she's suddenly off her bed.

In a feat of strength (something that Carmilla knows Laura possessed but still surprises her), Laura swings Carmilla over her shoulder with the blanket still wrapped around the brunette. It disorients Carmilla for a few moments, causing her to uncharacteristically squeal when she suddenly finds the upper half of her body upside down. She desperately holds onto the closest thing to her, which in this case, are Laura's hips and butt.

“Enjoy groping me?” Laura calls from beneath (behind? In front? Whatever) her as the blonde continues to walk to what Carmilla assumes to be her tiny living room.

Blood rushes to Carmilla's cheeks, but she tries to convince herself that it's caused by being carried upside down instead of accidentally touching Laura's (very nice) butt and being called out on it. She moves her hands onto Laura's back, pushing against it in an attempt to look at the blonde who is carrying her like a sack of potatoes. “What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?!”

Carmilla feels her shrug beneath her stomach. “You said you're planning to bring yourself to the party and nothing else. Well then, I'll just bring you so you have to bring something else.”

Carmilla can't quite understand the insane reasoning that Laura gives her, but it's so typically Laura that all she can do is grumble as the tiny Cupcake prepares her brunch while she's still hanging over her shoulder.

* * *

 

Three episodes in and their pairing already has a following. Their characters don't directly interact until the second episode, but people seem to like them enough that there are already fan arts going around on the internet.

Laura comes over to her apartment unannounced again, holding up her phone while wearing the biggest grin. Carmilla blinks sleepily several times (it was only 10 am for goodness sake) before her eyes focused on whatever it was Laura was trying to show her.

“ _Amellia?_ ” is Carmilla's incredulous response.

“Yep!” Laura is as peppy as ever, bouncing on her bed like it's Christmas. “We have a ship name, Carm! Isn't this awesome?!”

Carmilla shakes her head, still groggy and unable to understand exactly what Laura is talking about _._ “I'm sorry. What the hell does a water vehicle have anything to do with this?”

Laura's eyes widens and her mouth opens in shock. Carmilla wonders what she said wrong. “You don't know what a ship is?”

Carmilla scowls. “Of course I do. I just said it's a water vehicle, didn't I?”

Laura shakes her head violently, putting a hand on Carmilla's shoulder. “No, Carm. _Ships._ As in, relation _ships_.” She says in a way that makes Carmilla feel like she's in preschool being taught how to spell 'apple'. Laura continues. “You know, _shipping_ people together? Like Tenth and Rose? Harry and Jinny? Buffy and Faith?”

Carmilla replies by lifting an eyebrow.

They spend the day with Laura educating Carmilla about _ships, OTPs_ and other internet slangs. They browse fan arts and fan fictions, and by the end of the day, Laura has convinces Carmilla to make a tumblr and a Twitter because _“it's the best place to interact with your fans, Carm!”_

She follows only Laura on both social media.

* * *

 

Their characters become more popular than they expect, and suddenly, they're not just side characters anymore.

_Silas University_ isn't a romantic series. It leans more on the mystery, supernatural and suspense genre, and even though the main character has a love interest, it isn't the focus of the show.

So when basically half of the first season scripts are re-written in order to show more of _Amanda_ and _Ellia_ , it takes them both by surprise.

“We're _what?_ ” Laura exclaims in surprise at Perry, who has made it her personal job to tell the two that they're being bumped up to main characters. “Wasn't I supposed to be like... helplessly kidnapped in episode 8? I thought that would be my biggest scene of the season!”

“Well, the fans liked you two the best, and we've all agreed that the best way to keep our audience is to showcase more of your characters.” Perry explained with a smile. “And after seeing the two of you together, our director and our scriptwriter agreed that it would be a great idea! Isn't it exciting?”

Laura continues to gape while Carmilla reads through the script. Her brows scrunch up as she notices the significant increase of her lines. “Yep, definitely a bigger role now. I'm just worried about this series's plot. Won't it affect the original story if you bring more of _Amanda_ and _Ellia_ 's relationship? I kinda like the whole mystery thing.”

“Oh, you don't have to worry about that. Because of your popularity the network gave us two more episodes. It actually helped fill up the plot holes in the original script.” Perry stands up from her seat and waves as she walks away. “I'll leave you to your read-throughs then!”

Laura is still gaping when Perry leaves the room where they'll be doing the table read. Carmilla reaches a hand out to snap Laura's open mouth shut, bringing her out of whatever shock induced thoughts she's been in since Perry's announcement. She then turns back to Carmilla, her eyes still wide but a wide grin now on her lips.

“ _Oh my god_ , Carm! I knew _Amellia_ was popular but I didn't think it was _that_ popular!” she practically squeals as she throws her arms around her co-actor. “We have two more episodes! Do you know what that means?!”

“More lines? More paycheck?” Laura pushes her away to narrow her eyes at her, but she's too happy to frown at the brunette. Carmilla smirks. “What?” She asks innocently.

“It means more shoot days, Carm!” Laura nudges her with her arm before looping it through Carmilla's and leaning her head on the brunette's shoulder. “We get to work together longer. Aren't you happy about that?”

Carmilla brushes a lock of Laura's hair behind her ear. “Of course I am. But even if we didn't, it's not like we're not gonna hang out anymore, right?”

Laura smiles sweetly. “Duh. You'll die if I don't cook for you.”

Carmilla rolls her eyes. “Well, you'd be in danger of getting diabetes if I don't eat your cookies.”

Laura giggles, and they stay in that position until every seat in the room is taken.

* * *

 

“Ellia!” Laura runs to Carmilla who was laying on her side on the ground after getting beat up by _Amanda_ 's almost rapists. She turns Carmilla to lie her on her back while the Campus Security chases the guys. Laura delicately wipes the blood trickling from the side of Carmilla's mouth, her hands shaky as she inspects the girl's injuries. “Are you okay? Please tell me you're okay because I can't—I really can't handle it if you die right here. And I can't believe you got hurt because you saved me and I—!”

“Amanda,” Carmilla rasps, and although it is low and quiet, Laura immediately stops rambling. It's the first time _Ellia_ calls _Amanda_ by her name. “Are you alright?”

“Me?” Laura's shirt is ripped, the button on her jeans is gone, and her belt is in two pieces after it had been cut by one of the guys who attacked her, but that isn't important right now. “You're the one who tried to fight off three guys with one of them armed with a knife! You're the one lying on the pavement all beaten up and—” she spots the red liquid pooling on Carmilla's side. “No. No, no, no, no, no!” She takes her tattered shirt off and bunches it up before pressing it against Carmilla's side. Carmilla grunts in pain as Laura continues to add pressure. “Don't you dare die on me, Ellia. No way. You can't just pull off this heroic self-sacrificing stunt after teasing and irritating me for all the two months we've known each other! You have to make me like you first! Then you have to take me on a date! A-and then—and then you have to ask me to be your girlfriend and—”

“Amanda,” Carmilla's soft words interrupts Laura again, but this time, she's staring at the blonde with a gentle gaze. She brings up her hand to wipe away the tears that began to fell down Laura's cheek mid-rant, and smiles. “Go out with me?”

Laura lets out a breath of laughter even as she continues to cry. “Of course, you stupid useless punk. But you have to be alive for that. So don't die on me, okay?”

Carmilla's grin widens even as her eyes begins to droop. “Wouldn't miss it for the world, cutie.”

It is the last she says before she grows limp.

* * *

 

The season finale becomes a two-hour special, and to make it even more special, the show takes a one month hiatus before its TV release. A week before that, they're scheduled to attend a VidCon where the season finale trailer will be released.

There are more people in attendance than Carmilla predicted. She doesn't want to admit it, but she's nervous, and even though she's done a pretty good job at hiding it from everyone, Laura seems to know exactly how she's feeling and holds her hand backstage. Once they're all seated for the panel, Carmilla doesn't hesitate to grab Laura's hand again under the table. She receives a reassuring yet nervous smile.

She calms a little.

Episode 12, the last episode that had been aired before the hiatus, seems to have the fans on the edge of their seats. A lot of things happens in the second half of the season, but the latest episode had dropped bomb shell after bomb shell within its airing time. Plot twists are revealed, secret plans unfolded, and most of all, Ellia gets stabbed saving Amanda from the big bad's goons.

“Sorry, guys,” Laura says with a sheepish smile after the third time a fan has asked for the fate of _Amellia_ in another round about way, “But I'm under contract. No spoilers.”

It's the same thing the two of them have answered for potentially spoiling questions. It's almost amusing to Carmilla how creative the fans can get with their questions in an attempt to make sure that their favourite pairing is safe.

With a smirk, Carmilla adds, “What I can tell you though is that Laura and I _very much enjoyed_ filming that one scene.” She follows it up with a wink, setting the fans into a murmur of excitement.

Laura realizes what she's doing and goes along seamlessly, looking at Carmilla with a mischievous glint in her eyes. “Oooohhh, you mean that scene where we...” she trails off, wiggling her eyebrows.

Carmilla hums provocatively.

Laura then turns to the audience and says, “I had bruises around my neck, thanks to the lady killer over here.”

The cast laughs at their answers while the fans basically lose their minds. Even Carmilla can't stop herself from giggling.

The fans will be incredibly disappointed to know that the most they did is kiss at the end. The bruises come from a fight scene where an injured Ellia chokes Amanda when she becomes possessed. They aren't lying though. Carmilla and Laura's favourite scene to shoot _is_ the fight scene.

Well, next to the kissing scene of course.

(At least, Carmilla hopes it's Laura's favourite too.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't not post a Hollstein fanfic before Season 3 airs! So who care if i totally neglected my school work and that I'm probably not gonna gonna graduate this semester because i'm gonna fail. I mean, yolo right?
> 
>  
> 
> hahaha ha haha ha.... *cries
> 
> PS obviously not beta'd sorry!


	2. RPS is a Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> RPS is sin. Many people sin with Hollstein.

**Chapter II: RPS is a Thing**

Carmilla knows that the world of showbiz is full of drama, lies and deceit. Notable celebrities pretend to date each other for publicity; people hide their true personalities to gain fans; and they unnecessarily create drama where there shouldn't even be. That's why before delving into this ugly world of fame, there are three things she promised herself will never do.

One, she will never lie about her sexuality just to gain approval from her audience.

Two, she will never agree to contractually date someone to increase publicity.

And three, she _will never_ fall for an onscreen love interest.

Well... not even a year of fame and she's already broken her third promise.

* * *

 

 _Ellia_ has been possessed by one of the coven master's witch minions, forcing her to turn against her friends and _Amanda_. Elsie's character had gone to stop the coven master and release everyone who is being possessed from the coven's control. _Amanda_ had stayed to face _Ellia_ , as per her request, who had not hesitated to try and kill her.

But from the deep possession, _Ellia_ surfaces, unable to control her actions but still speak to _Amanda._

“ _Please, Ames. I know you don't want to hurt me, but it'll only be more painful for me if I end up hurting you._ ”

 _Amanda_ 's unwillingness to physically hurt _Ellia_ had caused her some bruises, but when _Ellia_ asks— _begs—_ her to protect herself, disregarding whether the brunette will get hurt or not, only then does _Amanda_ fight back.

 _Ellia_ still manages to pin _Amanda_ against the wall, holding her up at her neck to choke her, but with one well placed kick to the rib, _Ellia_ stumbles away, releasing her and sending her down against the wall, just in time for Elsie to strike a blow on the coven master.

…

Laura coughs, holding her bruised neck as she wheezes to get her breathing back to normal. She sits on the floor against the wall Carmilla had pinned her against. She watches Carmilla, who is lying a few meters from her where the girl had stumbled, waiting for Carmilla to move. She doesn't think she had hit the brunette too hard, but when Carmilla continues lay still on the ground, she begins to worry.

“Ellia?” Laura calls in a small voice, crawling over to the unconscious brunette. She cradles Carmilla into her arms, caressing the girl's face with her free hand. “Ellia? C'mon, please, Baby. You can't do this to me twice. I am seriously gonna be pissed at you if you end up—”

Carmilla gasps in a breath, effectively interrupting Laura's rambling. Relief washes over Laura's features as she sees Carmilla's unfocused—but undoubtedly her—eyes. Laura calls _Ellia's_ name softly until Carmilla finally focuses on her.

“Ames?” Carmilla rasps, and Laura just nods, giving the girl in her arms a tender kiss on her forehead. Carmilla's eyes dart down to Laura's neck, lifting a hand to trace the forming hand shaped bruises on Laura's neck. “Did I—this is—I did this?”

Carmilla's voice sounds so broken, and Laura immediately shakes her head. “No. This isn't you, Ellia. It's one of those creepy witches trying to take over our school. You didn't hurt me. You _saved_ me. Again. If you hadn't been fighting _so hard_ against the possession, I would be dead by now.”

Carmilla doesn't answer. Instead, she brings her hand to the back of Laura's neck to pull her head down so that their foreheads will touch. They stay like that for a moment, their eyes closed, basking in each other and sharing breaths.

Carmilla opens her eyes only to stare at Laura's lips, and as if she could feel her gaze, Laura does the same. They meet each other's eyes, as if searching for permission before Carmilla slightly pushes herself up to reach Laura's lips.

She immediately winces at the action, causing Laura to inspect her body for injuries. Laura's brows crinkle in worry she sees a small patch of blood on Carmilla's ribcage.

“I think you ripped some of your stitches.”

Carmilla frowns, incredibly unhappy that their moment was interrupted because of her stupid stitches. “Great.”

Laura gives her a knowing smile, and as if reading her mind, she leans down and kisses Carmilla, their mouths and tongues moving together tenderly.

When they part, there are huge smiles on both of their faces.

* * *

 

Acting in love with someone does have its real life repercussions. Carmilla knows for a fact that sometimes, when an actor gets into a scene, parts of the pretending blurs with the real thing. They can confuse the feelings that a certain scene gives them as their actual emotions, to some extent, fooling themselves with their own acting.

It's why celebrities whom have played romantic partners date, and it's also why these relationships rarely work.

Carmilla sees this as mere infatuations. Of course, when you spend so much time acting in love with someone, it becomes confusing. As studies in psychology say, if you do something enough times, it becomes instinctive. And other people say, lie about it enough and it'll become real. So really, becoming infatuated with your onscreen partner is not a strange thing.

Especially if that partner is someone like Laura.

It's difficult for Carmilla not to see how beautifully brown her eyes are when Carmilla's always staring at them as if she's looking into Laura's soul. It's hard not to notice how _incredibly fit_ (hot) Laura is when Carmilla always has to touch her in some way during their scenes. And it's downright impossible not to think of how soft Laura's lips are when Carmilla has kissed them multiple times.

But it's just an infatuation, Carmilla convinces herself. It's absolutely not a crush.

* * *

 

Thoughts of Laura has been the norm since they finished the kissing scene during the finale. Carmilla takes the difficulties that come with it in stride and tries to cope by being more flirty with Laura. She's hoping that it'll get Laura out of her system, especially because Laura always seem to regard her flirting as jokes or attempts to rile up the fandom.

(Carmilla tries to ignore the disappointment she feels whenever this happens. She doesn't have a crush on Laura. There's no reason to be disappointed.)

Carmilla has not opened her tumblr since Laura made her one, but the tiny Cupcake has been sending her _Amellia gifs_ from _Silas University,_ and one boring afternoon, her curiosity gets the better of her.

She successfully enters the _Amellia_ tag, and the first thing that greets her are pictures of their kiss. But what catches her attention are the additional tags.

_#that forehead touch #RIP me_

_#SHE CALLED HER BABY #//GROSS SOBBING #I AM NOT OKAY_

_#look at how tightly Amanda was holding her #and how gentle Ellia's touch was on her neck #and how their eyes keep darting to each other's lips_

_#I SAW TONGUE_

Carmilla remembers that they shot that scene four times in different angles, and in only one of those takes did Laura use her tongue. Carmilla won't admit it, but the surprise genuinely made her gasp, resulting to the scene that has been used on the show.

She continues browsing and one tag in particular alerted her.

_#heart eyes Ellia_

And it's true, because in every gif that she finds, she's wearing what are undeniably heart eyes.

But that's just acting. Carmilla may not be a seasoned actor but she's talented in her own right.

She convinces herself that. That is, until she sees a gif set of one of their interviews.

_#Carmilla cant keep her eyes off Laura_

_#SHE'S LOOKING AT LAURA'S LIPS #OHMYGOD_

_#did you notice they were holding hands under the table_

_#heart eyes karnstein_

Carmilla refuses to believe that she looks like that in the panel. No way. The gifs were just made from a different angle that makes it look like that. She is not—

She finds the official video for the panel.

_Heart eyes._

Damn it.

 _It's a crush_.

She stays away from those tags after that.

* * *

 

The shipping gets violent after the finale.

Carmilla generally stays out of the whole fandom craze. Her followers in both Twitter and tumblr are only hundreds in number versus Laura's fifty thousand. To be fair, Laura is the most twitter active of all the cast, and of course, she's happy to answer any questions regarding _Amellia_. Carmilla witnesses the amount of tweets and notifications Laura gets and thanks whatever deity is out there that only a handful of fans know her account.

Unfortunately, she makes a mistake of replying to Laura's tweet.

 _**@Laura2theLetter:** _ _Carm ate my cookies again :((( if I didn't like her so much I'd Krav Maga her cute butt_

 _**@HeyCarmilla: @Laura2theLetter** _ _your sugar intake is alarming enough with my interference. And I thought you said I was a 'hot piece of ass' ;)_

 _**@Laura2theLetter: @HeyCarmilla** _ _who groped who's ass when I picked you up for the series premiere party? #SilasU_

 _**@HeyCarmilla: @Laura2theLetter** _ _I'm not denying anything ;)))_

Not even five minutes later, people begin following her. Her phone rings almost nonstop until she loses her patience.

Carmilla almost breaks her phone due to all the notifications.

* * *

 

Even before the season finale is released, auditions hadn't stopped for either of them.

As soon as _Silas University_ wrapped, they immediately went back to how they had been before it, which means part time jobs and auditions.

The pay is good, the best Carmilla ever got actually, but she doesn't fancy the idea of becoming broke again once she consumes it all. Laura is the same so they both go back to their part time jobs while they don't have roles to play.

Carmilla goes back to work in a bar, and Laura becomes a bike courier again. It messes up their schedule a little, with Carmilla taking late night shifts while Laura works early in the morning. They still find the time to hang out at least three times a week, given that they both don't have auditions to go to. They stick to texting, and Carmilla doesn't want to admit it, but she misses working with Laura. She hopes _Silas University_ becomes popular enough to warrant a second season.

When they get auditions, they agree to withhold information about the show and roles they're trying for until they become absolutely sure that they'll get the role. It's Laura's idea really, because it stresses her out more when someone believes she'll get it. Pressure from expectation, she says. Carmilla agrees with her sentiment.

That's what brings them to their situation a week after the finale of _Silas University_. They've both been going to auditions for a few months and they've both been called back for different roles in the same week. It's both their final callbacks and at the same time chemistry reads, so they wish each other good luck in the morning before they go to their own auditions.

So when Laura enters the room where Carmilla has been reading lines with other potential future co-stars, they are both surprised when they see each other.

Carmilla's reaction is to stare blankly at Laura, while the Laura happily walks to her and gives her a hug. “I didn't know you were auditioning for Vivian! This is such a cool coincidence!”

Carmilla returns her hug with a smile. “And I didn't know you were going for Fiona.”

“This is so exciting!” Laura is full on grinning as she pulls back. “How much longer are you gonna take? Do you wanna go grab lunch together after this? It's been a while since we got fish tacos. I've honestly been craving it the whole week.”

“I'll be done by lunch, yeah,” Carmilla nods, unable to prevent herself from being swept up by Laura's enthusiasm.

They get told to start reading lines together, and they easily fall into roles. The characters may be different, but acting together is as easy as it has always been between them. By the end of their read, Carmilla is confident that if she gets cast, no doubt Laura will be too.

* * *

 

Carmilla realizes that it's more than a crush and that she has broken one of her vows when she wakes up on Laura's bed beside her.

Nothing happens. Of course not. It's a simple sleepover. The thought of being with Laura romantically hasn't even crossed her mind (a lie she's been telling herself). It isn't even their first sleepover, so really, there's nothing to it.

They learn that they've both been cast on the roles they're auditioning, and they celebrate at Laura's house. Carmilla brings a bottle of expensive champagne (“My hotshot lawyer sister gave it to me, cutie. Don't get a heart attack.”), and Laura cooks pesto. They watch Netflix until the wee hours of the night before they both drag themselves into Laura's bed.

It isn't even the first time they slept together (as in beside each other on the same bed), but for some reason, when Carmilla wakes up and sees the soft light of sunrise illuminating Laura's face, she gets the sudden urge to tuck a blonde hair behind her ear and kiss her.

Carmilla freezes before she could perform her thoughts. And of course, being a stubborn coward, she does the only logical thing she can think of.

She turns her back on the blonde and goes back to sleep, trying to forget ever having those thoughts. Maybe when she wakes up again, she'll just remember it as a dream.

Or something.

…

When she wakes up again, Laura is no longer beside her.

She lets out a sigh, unsure whether it's of relief or disappointment, and gets up, rubbing the sleepiness from her eyes. She exits the room and immediately finds Laura in the middle of her living room, table and couch pushed aside to make space for her yoga mat.

Laura is doing yoga.

Carmilla already knows this. She's even tried it with Laura insistence a couple of times. But this morning, there's something terribly wrong with Carmilla's head because she suddenly finds Laura very _very_ attractive.

Like, _'please pin me down and ravage me'_ attractive.

Carmilla's aware that these are thoughts that one shouldn't have about their friend, even if they have a crush on them. But Laura's arms looks very appealing and her abs are so beautifully defined that Carmilla wants to try cutting vegetables on it just to see how hard they are.

Carmilla freezes and shakes her head. No. Bad brain. Don't objectify your friend. Laura has always been beautiful. She acknowledges that, even points it out as often as she could just to see Laura's cute blush whenever she receives a compliment. There's no reason to suddenly find the tiny blonde sexy gay _this_ attractive.

Laura changes pose and does her favourite. The Crow, as Carmilla remembers it. It blocks the view on Laura's abs but the position causes her arms to flex and—

Carmilla is very gay.

And now, she realizes she is also very gay for Laura Hollis.

“Oh hey! Morning, Carm. Looks like you slept well.” Laura beams at Carmilla as she releases her pose. Carmilla doesn't even realize that Laura's done until she speaks. “So I'm out of cereal, but I still have some bread and eggs. I could make some toast. Or we could go out and have breakfast at Nancy's. Grace asked about you last time I ate there.”

When Carmilla decided to become an actress, she made three vows to herself. First is to never lie about her sexuality. Second is to never pretend to date someone for publicity.

“Well, we can't let Grace miss me too much.” Carmilla smirks. “Let's eat at the diner.”

And third is to never fall for someone who plays her love interest.

Laura smiles wider as she stands. Even with her face flushed and her body covered in sweat from the physical activity, Carmilla thinks she's never been so beautiful. “Cool! I'll just take a shower. Be ready in a few.”

Well... that last one is a bust.

* * *

 

The pre-season finale panel boosts the shows popularity, but even more so _Amellia's_. It's what the network has been aiming for when they sponsored the panel, and they're very happy about it.

An unpredicted outcome though is the rise of the _Hollstein_ ship.

“Excuse me, but how does a breed of cow relate to us?” Carmilla asks when Laura tells her about it in the midst of browsing her tumblr on her phone as they sat on her sofa.

(Laura likes to keep updated on her own tags. She keeps Carmilla updated on hers too.)

“ _Hollstein,_ not holstein. Like, the breed of cow but with two l's.” Laura explains, her eyes still focused on her phone's screen. The look of surprise and disbelief hasn't left Laura since Carmilla looked up from her book, and Laura's holding her hand and it's actually really hard to focus. She pays attention when Laura finally trails her eyes on her. “We're a ship.”

Having been educated about the internet slangs, Carmilla understands this time. “Yeah, you kinda already told me that. It's trending in Twitter, isn't it?”

“No, not ship us as in _Amanda_ and _Ellia_. Ship us as in Laura and Carmilla! We're an actual real people ship!”

Laura's expression still hasn't changed although Carmilla can feel her cheeks warming up at the thought that people think they should be together—that their fans will be supportive if something romantic ever happens between them—she feels uneasy not knowing what Laura thinks about it.

So of course, in a true Carmilla fashion, she shrugs indifferently, pretending not to care. “Huh. Well, I didn't know that's a thing.” Lame response, Karnstein.

Laura doesn't seem to notice anything. Instead, she continues her frantic rambling. “Yes, it's a thing!” She moves to her knees and fully faces Carmilla, now taking both of the brunette's hands. “I don't know if this is a good thing or not. I mean, the fact that people ship us means our chemistry is just as good offscreen as it is onscreen. Or maybe it's just the fans wearing ship goggles so they end up romanticizing everything we do together but the point still stands!”

Carmilla spots a growing smile on Laura's face, easing her a bit. She lifts an eyebrow at the smaller girl's rambling. “The point being...?”

“That we're a love team!” Laura gleefully announces, wildly gesticulating. “Like Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet! This is like a milestone for our careers!”

“Does this mean we're gonna get cast on all future projects together as a couple?”

“I don't know. Probably not. That would be cool though!”

“Well, I think I'd like to be your permanent onscreen love interest.” Carmilla smirks, unable to pass up the opportunity. She leans forward from her position, invading Laura's personal space as she seductively whispers. “I really don't feel like sharing you with anyone.”

Laura blushes in an amazing shade of red, and Carmilla grins.

“Carm!” Laura smacks her arm in response, a pout now on her face with her red cheeks.

Why did she have to be so cute?

Laura takes a deep breath, seemingly regaining her composure before speaking again. “Anyway, don't you think it would be cool to act together in a completely different relationship though? Like, what if we're mortal enemies or something.”

Carmilla smirks. “Amanda thought of Ellia as her mortal enemy at the beginning. Now they are totally banging.”

“It's not canon until it happens, Carm.”

She raises her hands in surrender. “Not my fault our fans are sending me very descriptive porn fanfiction about _Amellia_. In fact, it's entirely your fault. If you hadn't forced me to get a Twitter no one would be able to send me anything.”

“Oh c'mon, don't tell me you don't love the fanarts I send you. Hell, the first time I showed you one, you started bawling!”

Carmilla's expression suddenly turns into a glower. “I did not. I don't bawl. You're ridiculous.”

Laura giggles, and Carmilla just can't keep scowling when she sees Laura like that.

 _Gods,_ she's falling so hard for this girl, and she can't even bring herself to complain.

* * *

 

The show they get cast in is called _The Purgatory_ where Carmilla will play the sexy badass demon killing lead, _Vivian Feldman_ , while Laura will play the perky best friend and super smart researching sidekick, _Fiona Hall_.

They both love the plot of the series. It leans more on the religious part of the supernatural, but it has a more badass and action theme going on compared to _Silas University_ . Carmilla also plays a straight character and is completely fine with it—despite the (stupid) worries of some of the casting crew. _Vivian_ kicks major ass. Plus, straight people play non-straight characters all the time. Why should the other way be any different?

Laura is very happy to play _Fiona_ who will be discovering her sexuality as the series progresses. The actor playing _Fiona_ 's love interest is named Danielle Lawrence, and she's very excited to meet this girl and collaborate to work on their chemistry, much like what Laura did with Carmilla.

(Carmilla tries and fails not to be jealous of this _Dannielle_ . She kind of regrets not trying out for _Officer Rachel Mannt_ just so she could be Laura's onscreen love interest again.)

(She ignores the fact that the character _Officer Mannt does not_ fit her at all.)

The first table read comes and they finally meet Danielle, or as she likes to be called, Danny. And when she comes in, all 6 feet tall, red hair and shy smiles towards Laura, Carmilla's mood immediately turns sour.

Yeah, she doesn't like this Danny chick at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very gay for Elise's muscles.
> 
> So Haunted or Hoax (where I totally ripped off the name Ellia) is almost done, but that's totally fine because right after that is Carmilla Season 3!!! I'm saving up for cookies and hot chocolate in preparation for that XD
> 
> btw is it weird that I really ship Amellia now even though they're fictional characters from a fictional TV show that only exists in a fanfiction of a fictional webseries? That's like... another level of fictional character ship.
> 
> Two guesses on what the other TV series was parodied from :DDDDD
> 
> I also took Rachel Mannt from Couple-ish, the very very cute webseries that's written and directed by the lovely person that is Kaitlyn Alexander. It's awesome. They're awesome. And most importantly, Shartlyn is awesome. watch it if you haven't. right now. I'm telling you.


	3. NOTPs and HeartEyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla isn't as subtle as she thinks. Also the compulsory love triangle is formed.

**Chapter III: NOTPs and Heart Eyes**

_The Purgatory_ set is great. Sure, it doesn't have the same sense of home like the  _Silas University_ set, but Carmilla thinks that's just because it's the first set she's ever worked on for more than a week.

Everyone is friendly, and just like in  _Silas University_ , they are all very supportive and respectful of the sexualities of each cast and crew. Laura especially liked making friends with everyone she can find, often dragging Carmilla with her. By the end of the first day of rehearsal, Laura has half of the cast and crew memorized.

(Carmilla has too but she won't admit that.)

Carmilla is pleased to find that the male lead and her possible onscreen love interest for this show is quite possibly her sarcastic soulmate. Theo Straka is charming, and refreshing with his accent and asian features. He is also quite the flirty sarcastic asshole, something that makes Carmilla feel challenged because  _that's her thing_ .

From their first read together, they already clicked.

“I know what you know,  _Feldman_ .” Theo reads his lines as he stares Carmilla down from his seat.

Carmilla offers him a charming yet mocking smile. “Welp, you don't know  _me,_ Deputy. You can talk to the locals. I'm sure they'll tell you.”

He shrugs. “That you're mental. A bad seed.”

Carmilla scoffs. “I believe you forgot scary good in bed.” Theo continues to look expectantly at her. Her smirk drops. “What do you want from me?”

“I need someone who knows the area and its people.” Theo tells her. “I want  _you_ to join my squad.” He pauses. “Work on the right side of the law for once.”

She laughs. “You must  _really_ be desperate.”

He leans his body forward, not even reading his lines this time. “ _Very_ desperate.”

Taking it as a challenge, she mimics his action, staring him down as she closes the distance between them. “Well, too bad. You're looking at the wrong girl.”

Their chemistry isn't as great as her and Laura's, but she can admit that it's still pretty darn good.

–

“You know, as one of your onscreen love interests, I'm going to be really jealous if you don't stop staring at Hollis.” Theo flops down on the seat beside her, his body leaning towards her so he can whisper but still be in a respectable distance.

Carmilla immediately removes her gaze from Laura and instead chooses to glare at her co-star. He only offers her his charming smile, and she rolls her eyes at this. “There is no staring happening. And even if there is, I'm a lesbian, Straka. I'll never find you attractive.”

He dramatically gasps, putting a hand on his chest. “You wound me, m'lady. You can't even say I'm at least aesthetically pleasing to you.”

Carmilla gives him a sweet smile. “Well, I don't find the need to barf when I look at you at least.”

Theo just chuckles, shaking his head before looking at Laura as well. “Seriously though. Even with all your denials that you two are not dating, it's obvious you have feelings for her, what with the heart eyes and everything.”

Her eyes widen at his words. “I'm sorry, what?”

His mouth twitches in amusement. “You think you're subtle? Karnstein, an animal circus is more subtle than you are. I mean, we've only been on set for three days and everyone already knows of your crush on little Miss Laura Hollis over there. Well, except Laura, of course.”

Suddenly, the past three days makes sense.

Carmilla recalls the multiple times when Mark, the director, tells her to  _'tone down the gay vibe a little because honey, I know you're a lesbian but your character isn't'_ in one of her first scenes with Laura. Or that take where he tells her  _'Karnstein, less eye contact'_ and  _'Karnstein, friendly space please'_ . She doesn't understand it at the time, merely following his directions, but now...

Well that's embarrassing.

She hides her face in her hands as she groans in shame. Theo laughs beside her, patting her back and saying things like “Don't worry. No one's gonna spill your big secret.”

She's going to kill this idiot once shooting is done.

–

Laura doesn't stop talking about Danny. She keeps telling Carmilla how nice Danny is, and how great their chemistry is when they read their lines together. She tells Carmilla about Danny's feminist sorority, and how she likes pies, and where she gets her really nice pants, and just Danny, Danny, Danny.

(Add that to the fact that  _Danny_ now takes up a lot of what used to be  _Carmilla and Laura time_ and she hates Lawrence already. )

It gets annoying, but Carmilla doesn't have the heart to tell Laura to shut up, so she resorts to tuning the girl out instead.

She shouldn't be surprised though. Yeah, she and Laura still constantly spend time together and read lines, but it doesn't change the fact that Danny is Laura's love interest in this show. The two have to spend time together and better their chemistry in order to sell the pairing. Carmilla is totally aware of this, especially since she's done it with Laura in  _Silas University_ .

Yep. Laura's just doing her job... just like she had done her job before when they were  _Amellia._

Laura, of course, notices her grumpier than normal attitude and pesters her to tell her what's wrong. Carmilla absolutely refuses though, which leaves Laura to just try and cheer the broody actor up the only way she knows: hot chocolate and Netflix.

For once, Carmilla has the control over what they're gonna watch. If she were being honest, she prefers reading books or watching plays over TV. The shows she watch are those that usually include her favourite actors, so when they are browsing Netflix, she didn't really know much. After several educative summaries of the shows from Laura, they settle on  _Orphan Black_ , mostly because Carmilla is curious about how good of an actor the main is.

They're four episodes into the first season and it's nearing midnight. The box of the pizza that they had delivered for dinner and the empty mugs were on the floor beside Laura's bed where they're lounging on. Laura's laptop is on Carmilla's lap, with the show they picked playing on full screen. They're both in their sleeping wear, Carmilla in a grey tank top and boxer shorts, while Laura is in her white tank and red plaid pyjama pants.

They're cuddled under the blanket, and try as she might, Laura has been drifting in and out of sleep since the beginning of the fourth episode. Her head is resting on Carmilla's collarbone with Carmilla's arm wrapped around her shoulders. Carmilla has been absentmindedly running her hands through the tiny blonde's hair as she watched silently, trying to be as still as she can as to not disturb Laura.

She thinks that Laura has finally fallen asleep by the last ten minutes of the episode when Laura speaks.

“It's weird being paired with someone who's not you,” Carmilla looks down as Laura mumbles quietly into her collarbone. Laura's voice is soft and laced with sleep, and she's obviously only half-awake but she continues. “Danny's nice but... it's different with you...”

Carmilla doesn't answer for a few seconds, unsure of how to respond to that knowledge. “How is it different?” she asks just as quietly as Laura.

Laura adjusts and her arm ends up over Carmilla's stomach while she practically lays her head on Carmilla's chest. After a moment, she replies, “You're special.”

Carmilla's heart nearly stops. “I'm special?”

“Mmhm...”

It takes her another moment before she speaks, pushing a stray lock of Laura's hair away from her face. “Special... how?”

Laura doesn't respond anymore, and Carmilla realizes that she's down for the count. Carmilla sighs and closes the laptop lid, putting the device down on the floor next to the pizza box and empty mugs as carefully as she can as to not jostle the sleeping girl next to her. She then gingerly lies the both of them down diagonally on the bed, so that their bodies can be comfortably flat on the mattress without moving Laura too much.

Carmilla looks at Laura as she sleeps peacefully, her arm still wrapped around Carmilla's waist. Carmilla just smiles and puts a soft kiss on Laura's forehead before getting comfortable beside her.

“Goodnight, creampuff.”

–

Carmilla watches intently as Laura and Danny shoot their scene. There isn't much happening, just  _Officer Mannt's_ first appearance and a little talking... and a little flirting...

And Laura basically undresses with Danny's help...

But it's just a scene.

“When I see something I like I don't want to wait.”

Carmilla possibly breaks her highlighter.

She is not jealous. Carmilla Karnstein  _does not_ get jealous. People get jealous over her with her being so hot that even straight girls go bent with just a smile and a few sultry words. There is absolutely no way she would ever be jealous because of some fake scenario Laura is having with—

“How about you buy me a coffee, tonight?”

“What did the poor highlighter ever do to you?” Theo asks in horror as he appears beside her, seeing the neon green ink stain her hands with her death grip.

Carmilla doesn't remove her gaze from Laura and Danny, glaring even harder. “It was too weak.”

Theo must realize the source of her bad mood, because he just sighs and says, “You really need to work on that jealousy of yours. It's unbecoming of you.”

Carmilla spots Danny's gaze flick down towards Laura's stomach—her very toned, six-pack stomach—and growls. “ _Shut the fuck up_ .”

There's one more take before they wrap the scene, then Carmilla and Theo will shooting theirs. The two of them silently stand in the sidelines as Laura and Danny start the scene again, giving them another chance to see Laura without a shirt.

A low whistle comes from Theo. “Wow. Didn't think that under all that cuteness, she'd be that hot. I mean, she's always been hot but that six-pack?  _Damn._ ”

_Damn,_ indeed.

Theo then elbows her lightly. She gives him a side glare as he tells her, “You should get your girl before anyone else sees that.” He gives her a wink, before leaving her alone.

Carmilla makes a mental note to throttle him later.

–

_Vivian_ has two love interests. The actual endgame (Carmilla guesses at least) love interest is played by Theo, while the other is played by Jim.

Jim is the most seasoned actor in their cast as well as the oldest of the main characters. Carmilla likes him well enough. He's like an older cousin that annoys her, but is also the only one who defends her when people (mainly Theo and Gary, the guy who plays Laura's boyfriend) start teasing her about her two-time co-star.

Carmilla has known from the moment she decided she wants to act that kissing someone of the male species will be unavoidable, and as far as kissing partners go, Jim is one of the better male ones she's had.

The only problem is his moustache.

The moment the director yelled 'Cut!' for her and Jim's first kissing scene, Carmilla immediately detaches herself from the man, wiping her lips with the back of her hand as if she'd touched something gross with her mouth. She keeps letting out repulsed noises, and Jim laughs loudly at her act.

“ _This_ is why I only like kissing girls. I don't have to worry about the unnecessary abundance of facial hair.” She announces, still wiping her mouth with her arms. She turns to Jim who stands up, still chuckling. “Please tell me you're gonna shave that.”

“What? You don't think the moustache is sexy?” he asks jokingly, wiggling his eyes for emphasis.

She looks at him deadpanned. “It felt like I was kissing a goat.”

Jim guffaws, along with everyone who heard her. “Well, darling, I'm afraid you're gonna have to kiss this goat face for several more times. Plus, I can't shave it after shooting. We might get a second season.”

Carmilla pushes his shoulder with a smirk. “Don't jinx it, old man, or I'll shave that hairy apparel you call moustache myself.”

It looks like he's going to say more when his eyes dart to over her shoulder. There's a change in his expression that Carmilla can't determine for sure, like he's seen something amusing or something, before turning back to her and saying in a lower voice, “Well, this is both our last scenes for today, I believe. Why don't you head on out? Can't let a pretty girl wait for you.”

Carmilla looks at the direction where he nods his head at. Behind the lights, cameras and the crew is Laura with a small frown on her face looking at her. She immediately smiles when she meets Carmilla's eyes, and Carmilla offers her a small wave.

She turns back to Jim, confusion on her face. “Did the schedule today change? I thought she didn't have any scenes today.”

Jim's smile seem to grow wider. “Well, I definitely didn't hear about any changes, but I do recall seeing her arrive just around the time we started this scene. And she didn't look very happy.” There's a tone in his voice that Carmilla can't decipher, and all she can do is frown at him in confusion. He lets out a sigh, pushing the short brunette towards the waiting blonde. “Go on, Karnstein. Don't make your lady wait.”

Carmilla stumbles, scowling as she loudly whispers back. “She isn't my lady!”

“Whatever you say, darling!”

She flips him off as she walks away, approaching Laura who has been watching the scene.

There was a curious smile on her face as she asks, “What was that about?”

Carmilla grabs her hand, heading off to the costume trailer. “What was what?”

“The thing you were talking about with Jim.” Laura follows, lacing her fingers through Carmilla's.

Carmilla's heart skips a beat, but she merely tightens her hold on Laura. “It's nothing. Just Jim and his gross itchy moustache.”

Laura laughs, and leads her out so they can get dinner before heading to Carmilla's place to read lines for tomorrow's shoot. Carmilla forgets whatever stupid thing Jim had insinuated.

–

So apparently Danny is a fan of Laura's.

And apparently, she also has a crush on  _Amanda_ in  _Silas University_ .

Carmilla doesn't care. It's just one more reason to hate on the Ginger Tree.

(Except she does care because Laura  _apparently_ is very flattered and honoured that someone as  _talented_ and  _beautiful_ as Danny actually admires her. Like, wow, what is Carmilla? A rock?)

Carmilla tries to act less hostile against Xena whenever Laura's around, but when she's not, Carmilla resorts back to petty glares and completely ignoring the Ginger Giant.

She tries to avoid interaction with the redhead, but it became impossible when they have a very friendly scene together.

She's dreading it, because she knows she can't pull it off as well as she can if it had been anyone else but Danny Lawrence. So on her break right before she shoots the scene with Xena, she psyches herself up inside the surprisingly empty costume and make-up trailer, giving herself pep talks and even trying some of that yoga Laura had taught her.

Just when she's about to give up, there's a knock on the trailer. She tells the person to come in, and is surprised to see the Giant herself. She tries not to start a fight, because that won't be good for the scene, but is unable to give a more friendly greeting than “What the hell are you doing here, Xena?”

Danny surprisingly doesn't argue back and merely says, “I need to show you something.”

With a frown and a suspicious glare, Carmilla takes the phone that Danny holds out to her. She hides her surprise when she sees pictures and gifs of  _Silas University_ , and more importantly, her and Laura as  _Amellia_ .

She continues to slide through the numerous pictures as she asks, “What is this supposed to be?”

“I'm not stupid, you know?” Danny tells her, making her look up. “I know why you don't like me, and I just want to tell you that I'm no competition. Yeah, I have a crush on Laura but she's like, my  _celebrity_ crush. I admire her and her work. She's so talented and I really like her as  _Amanda_ in  _Silas U_ but that's the extent of it. I'm just glad we're friends now.”

Relief washes over and her tense shoulders slump even as she tries to hide it. She pretends to act as if Danny's words doesn't really affect her. “What does that have anything to do with me?” She retorts, but her tone is significantly less hostile and Danny seems to notice this.

The tall ginger smiles, reaching for her phone back before saying, “You should really do something about those heart eyes, Karnstein, or people are gonna ship your characters too.” She turns around and exits the trailer, leaving Carmilla standing agape.

She hurries to the door and yanks it open, spotting Danny as she casually walks away. “There is no heart eyes!” She shouts after the ginger, and the only response she gets is a laugh and a salute.

–

So Danny isn't so bad. When Carmilla isn't being an over jealous person—not that she is because she's  _not—_ the Ginger Tree is obviously not flirting with Laura.

Carmilla will never admit that to anyone though.

But when the shoot for Laura and Danny's kissing scene came, she quite possibly imagined murdering Xena (for kissing Laura), their director (for letting Xena kiss Laura), and their writer (for making Laura kiss Xena). She just glared as the scene unfolded, watching the several takes that were needed in the corner of the set, not really able to see the scene (since it was happening in a tiny room) but she can faintly hear the words each of them delivered.

_“...when I think about what I want to do the most in this world... is you.”_

And of course, she can see the silhouette of Xena going... on top... of—

Something drops onto her head, obscuring her face and her view of the window where Laura and Danny are shooting. Carmilla removes it from her head to find that it is Theo's jacket, and the said douche is carrying a chair and positioning himself in front of her, also blocking her view.

“Dude, what the hell—”

“Look, Vamprilla, I cannot stand you glaring over them as if you want to set something on fire anymore.” Theo says, throwing the script for the day at her that she stumbles to catch, “So we are going to read over some lines for our scene instead of just you moping around.”

“I was not—” Carmilla tries to protest but Theo just cuts her off by saying his line, already in character. In response, Carmilla merely rolls her eyes and says her line back.

The Cupcake and the ginger finish their scene not very long after,  and Carmilla's attention immediately leaves the line she's saying as she sees Laura exit the room with Danny. Theo throws a paper ball at her though, stopping her from her staring as she glared at her annoying co-actor before reading her line again.

“You guys look busy.” Carmilla's gaze immediately meets Laura's  as the blonde approaches. She tries to stop the smile from forming on her face as Laura sat on the chair beside hers. “I'm surprised you're reading lines with Theo instead of...  _taking your catnap._ ” There is an odd tone in Laura's voice as she says that, but Carmillla brushes it off as the after effects of doing a  _kissing scene_ .

Carmilla clears her throat as she tries to forget the thought. “Well, I would be sleeping if dudebro over here didn't force me to read lines with him.”

Theo smirks. “Sleeping, huh?” he turns to Laura with a grin, “Hey Laura, did you know that while you and Lawrence where doing the kissing scene, Vamprilla over here was— _ow!_ ”

Carmilla smiles menacingly as Theo soothes the shin she had just kicked. “What was that, Meat Head?”

Theo raises his hands in an act of surrender while Laura looks on in confusion. “Fine, fine. I'll just leave you two lovebirds alone.”

Carmilla's mouth drops open at his words. She is tempted to throw the copy of her script at him, but Laura speaks beside her. “What was he talking about, Carm?”

“Nothing,” Carmilla says as casually as she can, smiling innocently. It only makes Laura more suspicious, so she suggest. “Wanna have lunch now? I've got another hour and a half before my scene with Captain Lee Shang over there.”

Laura smiles, and Carmilla's heart siletly melts (don't tell anyone). That is until Laura says, “I'll go ask Danny to come with us! She's free right now too!” before running of to find the Goliath.

Carmilla slumps onto her seat once Laura is gone.

_Worst. Crush. Ever._

–

_Silas University_ gets renewed for a second season. Carmilla, Laura and the rest of the main cast receive the news right before another  _SilasU_ panel  while they're on break from  _The Purgatory_ set. They celebrate with their fans while Elsie and Dillon, the main characters, do their silly beatboxing routine they always did back in season 1. There are a lot of the fans' questions that can't be answered by the cast but they speculate anyway, like what will happen to Elsie's character with her love interest dead? Will Dillon's character ever find out what really happened to his father? Did  _Amellia_ bang at the end of the season?

Everyone laughs at the last question, especially Laura. Carmilla just smirks, and as the only coherent person from the cast at the time, she just answers, “According to fanfics, yes.”

There's a loud cheering from the fans, and Laura just hits her shoulder in disbelief. Carmilla lifts an eyebrow at her, making her giggle again.

But then, Carmilla adds, “But according to Laura, it's not canon unless it happens on the show. So now we know who's the better shipper from the two of us.” Carmilla then mouths  _'me'_ to the audience while pointing to herself, causing another roar of approval.

Laura looks appalled at the development. “ _I_ sent you those fanfics!”

Another bout of laughter. “Yeah, but  _I_ think they're canon.”

Oh yeah. Hollstein is going to be a love team for a long time. Carmilla will make sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Danny is _great_ and I don't like stories that make her out to be some sort of villain :((( although there are some really good fics where she's a jackass but the Hollstein is good and Danny is only there for like... 5% of the time so i read those anyway XD
> 
> also. sorry for peeps with moustache (mustache? idk XD) but if i get a boyfriend I'm pretty sure i'm gonna go all 'No shave, no kiss!' XDDDDD i'd still date them tho
> 
> PS I'm still dying from school :))))


	4. Introducing Conflict

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla practices kissing. And by Law of Equilibrium, a good thing really can't happen without a bad thing to balance it out.

**Chapter IV: Introducing Conflict**

There's still one character in  _The Purgatory_ that's open. So far, none of the cast knows who will play  _Vincent Feldman_ , the brother of  _Vivian_ and consequently the original heir to the demon killing blade that she wields. So when they finally introduce him during a table read for the episode of his first appearance, no one is as surprised as Carmilla when she sees her brother Will enter the room.

“Holy shit!” Carmilla immediately stands up, walking up to him and giving him a hug. “I thought you didn't want to enter the acting scene, Willy boy.”

They give each other smirks as they released each other. “I don't, but Betty put me up with this and there's no way I'm gonna miss a chance to upstage you on TV, Kitty.”

Betty, her manager. Of course, Carmilla should've known. She appreciates it though.

Mark their director, who had been the one to introduce Will, looks at them curiously. “How do you know each other?”

Carmilla laughs when she realizes the whole thing is done without informing anyone of their relationship. It isn't surprising though because Carmilla is only a rising actor, and while Will has already made a name for himself in the modelling industry, they are similar in that they both like their privacy. No media outlet knows that they're siblings.

Will nudges her before wrapping an arm around her shoulders. He just grins as she tells Mark, “Everyone, this is my brother. Like, my actual real life brother. You just casted real life siblings for your siblings role.”

“ _William Luce_ is your  _brother_ ?” Danny asks, still looking surprised.

Carmilla rolls her eyes as she tugs at Will to lead him to his seat beside her, while Will answers, “Half brother, actually. But c'mon, we totally look alike, right?” He then sees Laura as they pass by her chair, giving her a quick hug. “Hey there, Tiny. I heard you're here too.”

Laura just giggles before letting him go so he could sit on the other side of Carmilla. “I'm gonna ignore that nickname for once because I'm so excited that you're here! It's so cool that we'll be working together.”

The rest of the cast introduce themselves to Will before they begin the table read. It goes well, of course, and by the end of it, Mark just says “Looks like we didn't even need a chemistry read.”

Carmilla is uncharacteristically happy that day.

* * *

 

Carmilla, Will and Mattie don't see each other much once they each started their own careers. Even so, the closeness they developed when they were young never fades. It's not surprising really, since they've relied on each other for almost anything since they were young and living with an abusive mother.

Laura doesn't know the specifics, but she's aware of their childhood hardships. She never brings it up and never pushes the topic whenever Carmilla mentions it, unless it is Carmilla herself that pursues it.

It's the siblings' closeness that had led Laura to meet Will and Mattie. She hasn't met Mattie in person yet in the ten months the two actors have known each other, only once in Skype on Carmilla's birthday. Laura and Will have met multiple times though, because Will liked to bother his older sister whenever he had the chance. The three of them would hang out in Carm's apartment and have a movie night, or just drink together and eat Chinese. 

So it's no surprise that the three of them became a pranking team on  _The Purgatory_ set.

The pranks are mostly harmless though, the three of them choosing the actors rather than bothering the busy hard working crew. They also make sure that the rest of the staff won't be bothered by the result of their pranks and just merely serve as entertainment to everyone else.

“Holy fudge face!” Gary jumps when he sees thick red liquid pour out of the set's coffee thermos instead of actual coffee. He drops his styrofoam cup, and everyone within hearing range looks at him in amusement. “Hollis! Is this your doing again?!”

Laura, who is running lines with Danny before their scene, glances at him and says, “It was Carm's idea, not mine!”

Carmilla, who is with Mark looking over the footage of the scene they just shot, automatically adds, “Willy Boy was the one who made the blood! Don't worry, Muscle Brain, it's just food colouring and corn syrup. No need to be freaking out!”

As if on cue, Will piped up from the make-up department. “Tiny picked the container where we put it! Don't blame me!”

Gary just let out a frustrated sigh as he stomps away to grab a mop. Since the pranking began, they have made a consensus that whoever makes a mess, they'll be the one responsible cleaning it up. The cleaning staff is grateful of that.

“I can't even with the three of you!” Gary angrily huffs as he mops the fake blood.

Everyone else just let out laughs before continuing on with their work.

* * *

 

Will grabs the man by the shirt. “Look, whoever the fuck you are! You think this is a game?! Your kind may have gotten to me before but now I'm back. And this time,  _I'm_ making the rules!” He snarls shaking the man aggressively as Carmilla watches on behind him. “And _no one_ will be able to stop me! Not your boss! Not the Black Division! And certainly not a piece of useless meat like you!”

In a swift movement, Will grabs the blade from Carmilla's hilt and stabs the man, causing a mark to appear on its chest before the man is engulfed and swallowed by the flames that's coming out of the ground. After a moment, the man is gone, just like all the other demons  _Vivian_ had exorcised.

Will walks away in anger while Carmilla stares at him in disbelief. “What the hell, Vince?!”

He takes a deep breath. “He wasn't giving us anything.”

Carmilla just glares. “Yeah, and he's not ours to kill. Thomas is—”

“ _He_ has nothing to do with this curse!” Will snaps before reigning in his anger and saying, “There's something off about him. I don't trust him, Viv.”

“Yeah? Well, I do. And as much as I hate sounding like him, you can't just kill every demon that pisses you off! We still need information on this  _boss_ of theirs, since you had the chance in killing him before but didn't—”

“I panicked! There's something he knows about me and I need to find out what.”

Carmilla merely watches Will as he walks away.

* * *

 

It's one of the rare times that Laura isn't with Will and Carmilla. Laura's off doing another scene with Danny, and although Carmilla would much rather...  _look out_ for Laura, Will would have none of it and instead dragged Carmilla away.

The siblings are sitting together on their respective chairs behind the costume and make-up trailer, secluded from the rest of the set. Carmilla had Laura's yellow pillow in her arms, her chin resting on top of it as she hugs it to her chest. Unfortunately, the trailer is full of people getting ready for the next scene to shoot (which included a hell lot of people) so the couch where she usually takes a nap on is unavailable.

She can fall asleep like this if she wants to, if she's being honest, but she can't trust that gravity won't go against her in her sleep, so she tries to fight it off. That's until Will speaks.

“So you still haven't made a move.”

Carmilla's eyes open to look at her brother already glancing at her. His words aren't posed as a question, more like an observation, but Carmilla can feel the underlying curiosity and worry from it.

She frowns, and like every time Will or Mattie calls her out on something, she pretends to not know. “What the hell are you talking about?”

Will rolls his eyes. “Are you still in your self-denial stage? Or have you gotten to that part where you just don't want to admit it to anyone else yet because then shit gets real?”

Carmilla doesn't answer. There's no surprise Will can read her like an open book. They had grown up together. But it doesn't make admitting her possibly (more like definitely) more than friends feelings for her co-star any easier.

Will studies her for a long moment before speaking again. “You know she's not Ell, right?”

She lets out a sigh. “Of course I know that.” She grumbles, crossing her arms and hugging herself at the onslaught of memories. She'd be lying if she said the thought of her feelings for Laura doesn't remind her of Ell, especially after she realized that her  _crush_ could be a little (a lot) more than  _just a crush_ . But Laura is different, and it makes everything all the more terrifying. “That's why I can't.”

Will just looks at her in thought as she dutifully avoids his gaze. They don't talk to each other again until someone calls for them for their own scene.

* * *

 

_The Purgatory_ isn't Carmilla's first straight role. Of course not. With the heteronormativity in practically all media platforms until the recent years, her role as  _Ellia_ in  _Silas University_ is actually only her second gay role (the first being a role in a music video about a girl liking another girl with a boyfriend). So of course, Carmilla's had a lot of experience kissing those of the male specie. But her kissing scene with Theo is strangely difficult for her.

Sure, she and Theo are friends, and their chemistry is better than most men she'd had the misfortune to kiss, but  _Vivian Feldman and Drew Thomas_ 's story is the biggest one she's portrayed.

(Next to  _Ellia and Amanda_ 's of course.)

Carmilla knows that  _Vivian_ and  _Drew_ are  _The Ship_ . They've gone from tolerating each other to actually caring for each other.  _Drew_ showed  _Vivian_ that she could be a better person, something that she didn't believe herself in the beginning, and  _Vivian_ made  _Drew_ realize that caring for someone is a sign of strength, not weakness.

So as much as she doesn't enjoy kissing people with the Y-chromosome, she wants to sell it as much as she can. She wants people to believe that unlike  _Vivian_ 's relationship with  _Henry_ , this isn't a fling. This isn't a friends with benefits thing.

This is the real deal.

But as she reads her lines with Theo before the actual shooting, she finds it hard to act like it.

“UUUUUURRGGHHH!” Carmilla paces in front of Theo, gripping her hair in her fists. “This is the worst acting I've done since I was twelve!”

They're inside the costume trailer which is empty besides the two of them after they requested a few moments of privacy. Theo can't count how many times they've delivered their lines, but Carmilla doesn't seem to be satisfied with any of their rehearsals.

“You're doing fine, Broodzilla.” Theo grumbles as he rubs his temples. “The scene's pretty much perfect.”

“No, it's not,” Carmilla grumpily shoots back as she continues pacing. “There's something missing. The scene doesn't feel any different than my scenes with Jim. It  _should_ be different from my scenes with Jim.”

Theo groans. “Look, the only thing that's really different is that your scenes with Jim are mostly sexual while ours is more romantic. And you're already selling that. We've rehearsed this part so many times—really, the only part left is the kiss—and you—”

“That's it!” Carmilla stops and stands in front of Theo.

Theo looks at her blankly. “What?”

“We should practice kissing.” Carmilla blurts out.

Theo's eyebrow rises. “Okay? I mean, if that's your process I guess we could.”

It's not. Carmilla doesn't say that though.

They both stand in front of each other, once again saying their respective lines in character. Her cue to kiss Theo came closer and her eyes dropped to his lips. She tries to look dreamily at it, like how  _Vivian_ definitely would in this scenario. But when the time came to kiss him, Carmilla just froze. Theo stared at her, waiting for her to move, but when she did, she just let out another groan.

“I  _really_ don't want to kiss you as much as  _Vivian_ wants to kiss  _Drew_ .”

Theo just raises his hands, smiling and shaking his head as if to say he wasn't offended. “Look, you're a good actor, Karnstein. Maybe once we start rolling, you'll get it. You've done it before in  _SilasU_ . It was pretty impressive really.”

“I'm pretty sure I'll just look awkward. Even with Jim, I can flush out how  _Vivian_ will react. It's just sex. Not a lot of feelings are involved. At least, not the romantic ones. But it's different with  _Drew and Vivian_ .” She starts pacing, gesticulating as she continues. “ _Drew_ is like that single relationship that's different in  _Vivian's_ life! Where  _Vivian_ is casual about sleeping and kissing others, with  _Drew_ , it's like she can't do anything casual with him! She second guesses everything between them, like one wrong move and  _Drew_ will go ' _bye, bye, Vivian!'_ but this is the turning point. This is where she finally knows for sure that he cares about her. This scene has to show that. It can't  _feel_ like  _Vivian_ and  _Henry_ 's kiss!”

“Okay, okay, how about this,” Theo stops her from moving by grabbing her shoulders. She lets out a deep breath as she listens to him. “Close your eyes.”

Carmilla raises an eyebrow. “After that long speech, that's all you have to say?”

Theo rolls his eyes. “Just do it.”

She makes a face before following his instructions.

“Now,” he begins softly, “I want you to focus on how you feel. Don't think. Just remember whatever feelings that grows from your chest.” She listens to his voice as she keeps her eyes shut. “Now, think about blonde hair,” she envisions it in her mind— _dirty blonde_ , “and soft round face,”  _not too sharp, but a define jaw,_ “brown eyes are looking at you,”  _honey brown_ , “and cheeks lifted with a bright smile.”

Something warm blossoms from the center of her chest as the familiar image completes itself in her mind. Pink cheeks, rosy lips, and the light crinkle between the image's eyebrows because of its smile. She holds the feeling, keeps it into her memory as Theo instructed as she slowly realizes whose face her mind had made.

“Now open your eyes.”

Slowly, she does as Theo says, making eye contact with him before he speaks. “The Black Division needs you.” He says his line, already in  _Drew_ 's character. “Screw it...  _I_ need you.”

She reaches up and kisses him, that feeling still in her chest. And though she's aware that it feels wrong for Carmilla, it certainly feels right for  _Vivian_ .

“Hey Carm, Will told m— _holy Hufflepuff_ !”

She and Theo instantly break apart when they hear Laura's voice. Carmilla sees her holding the door open, her eyes wide as she remains frozen on the spot.

Laura's mouth opens and closes as she tries to speak, but all that came out were stutters and gibberish.

Carmilla sighs in relief and grins, the feeling in her chest intensifying as the image she had thought of solidified in the form of Laura. She approaches Laura and takes her hand. “Your timing was perfect!  _Henry_ was supposed to interrupt us at just that moment. Fratboy and I are going to nail our scene, and we're gonna give you and the Giantess a run for your money.”

Laura blinks, as if slowly processing this information. “Wait... you were rehearsing? The kissing scene?” Her eyes dart to Theo who now sits on one of the chairs.

Theo points to Carmilla. “It was her idea.”

“Oh.” There is something in Laura's eyes that almost seemed like disappointment, but before Carmilla can analyse it, Laura nudges her teasingly. “I didn't know you like rehearsing kissing scenes. If I did, I would've offered when we were shooting the  _Amellia_ kiss.”

Carmilla rolls her eyes playfully. “I  _don't._ Plus, I don't think our kissing scene would've been as amazing as it was if we had rehearsed it. I just find the thought of kissing Dudebro over there so repulsive that I have to rehearse not vomiting afterwards.”

“Hey! I'm a great kisser!”

“Still a lesbian, Straka!”

Laura laughs, in that Laura way that could probably make the sun shine and flowers bloom at the mere sound of it. Carmilla just watches her, the feeling still warm in her chest.

So maybe it's not just a crush anymore. Maybe she's falling for this dork.

She's still scared— _terrified_ , really. But admitting it to herself felt freeing, and for a moment, she let herself dream about what it would be like being with Laura Hollis like that.

* * *

 

Unlike  _Silas University_ , which was shot in three parts in order to judge whether there will be enough viewers for it to be profitable,  _The Purgatory_ is given a full budget for the whole season, which means they are able to finish shooting the entirety of season 1 in one go.

They all go out on the last night of shooting, and a few months later, they'll be able to see their work on TV. They all share a toast, congratulating everyone for all their hard work.

The cast will see each other on interviews soon enough, but for now, Carmilla and Laura will be going back to the  _Silas University_ production for their read through the following week.

There is a new character coming in—a female antagonist,  _Simone_ , that will also come in between  _Amellia._ Aside from the read through, they're supposed to introduce the actor who would be playing her.

So when the day of the first # _SilasUs2_ read through arrives, Carmilla freezes as Perry introduces the new cast.

“Everyone, this is Eleanor Mitchels, and she'll be playing  _Simone_ this season!”

“Call me Ell, please,” Ell smiles, her eyes meeting Carmilla's and never looking away.

Carmilla's jaw tightens as her fists clench.

_Fuck_ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this took a little longer than I'd like because.... well, aside from finishing up school and the holidays, I spent all my free time reading fanfics and writing a filler chapter for this instead of an actual story chapter :DDDD if you guys don't mind something stupid, I'll post it here too XD
> 
> things are also slowing down. hopefully i'll be able to add the other missing characters soon :D and please don't stop publishing Hollstein fics! we need them to survive until the movie!!!


	5. #Protect Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #Protect Carmilla 2k17 #No one likes Ell

**Chapter** **V: #Protect Her**

They get the script for season 2 a few weeks before they finish shooting _The Purgatory._ They both know they should be focusing on that, but they can't help it. _Silas University_ is both their first big roles and it has a special place in each of their hearts (although Carmilla would fight tooth and nail to deny it). So of course, they would take whatever chance they get to read it.

 _**Cupcake:** _ _Nooooooooo!!!! :((((_

 _**Cupcake:** _ _I can't believe this happens to them!_

 _**Carm:** _ _Ellia is an idiot._

 _**Carm:** _ _I'd slap her if it didn't mean hitting myself._

They exchange text messages on days that they shoot, reading their own copy of the scripts privately. Even when reading apart, they try to read in sync, checking in on each other while they comment on what happens.

 _**Carm:** _ _I don't trust this Simone._

 _**Cupcake:** _ _What? Why? But she's the one who discovered what Ellia's curse mark meant!_

 _**Carm:** _ _Exactly. She claims to be some kind of spellcaster using Latin chants and spells, and yet she knows the curse's symbol?_

 _**Carm:** _ _Which, if we consider that the coven master last season did everything in Greek, must be Greek?_

 _**Carm:** _ _She must know the symbol personally._

 _**Cupcake:** _ _She could just be able to read Greek!_

 _**Carm:** _ _Unlikely._

When they finally read the episode where _Simone_ shows her true colors, Laura comes to Carmilla's apartment with a pout and a dejected “I feel like I've been betrayed.”

Carmilla just laughs, and they read the rest of the script together (sometimes even reading their lines out loud while in character).

It's late when they finish all the episodes and they're cuddled up in Carmilla's bed. They have another shoot—one of the lasts—for _The Purgatory_ the following day, and they agreed that it's better for Laura to sleepover. They have yet to change into sleep clothes, finding their current position much to comfortable to move.

“I don't like what happens this season.” Laura mumbles to Carmilla's collarbone, her arms wrapped around the brunette's waist while their legs are tangled.

Carmilla fights a shiver when she feels Laura's warm breath against her skin. “Which part?”

“Ellia choosing to fix her problems herself,” Laura shifts a little, bringing her face closer to Carmilla's neck. “Ellia not telling Amanda so she can help. Ellia breaking up with her so she won't be a burden. I get it, you know? Kind of. She cares about Amanda so much that the thought of hurting Amanda herself kills her, but in the process of trying to keep her safe, Ellia just ends up hurting Amanda more.” She explains, her thumb brushing lightly against the small patch of uncovered skin on Carmilla's stomach. Carmilla closes her eyes at the soothing contact. “They saved each other last season. Why couldn't Ellia trust Amanda enough to believe that they can do it again?”

“Ellia is an idiot.” Carmilla reiterates, “But I think she's also just really in love with Amanda.”

Carmilla feels Laura shift as the blonde craned her head to look at the brunette. “Why do you think so?”

“It's a little obvious, Cupcake. She doesn't realize she's in love with Amanda until episode 5.”

“But Ellia breaks up with Amanda at the end of that episode.” Even when not looking, Carmilla could feel Laura's frown. “If she really loves Amanda, why would she do that?”

Finally, Carmilla opens her eyes and meets Laura's gaze. “Would you really stay with the person you love if you knew that you'd ruin them?” Laura's frown only deepened. “I'm not saying that what Ellia did was the right choice. I think you're right, she should've trusted Amanda and their relationship to be able to get through it. But to Ellia, her own well-being wasn't even in the equation. It was either Amanda get seriously hurt, or worse, killed by Ellia herself, or Ellia breaks her heart and she moves on eventually and forget about Ellia.” Carmilla lifts a hand to run her thumb over Laura's creased forehead. “I think the choice would be pretty obvious for her.”

Laura huffs and buries her face in Carmilla's shoulder, seemingly agreeing with Carmilla's explanation although she isn't happy about it.

“I just hope they get back together next season,” Laura mumbles after a while. “They need each other. They make each other better.”

Carmilla glances at her slowly, thinking how it's pretty much the same for her with Laura. “I think so too.”

* * *

 Carmilla's sure Laura recognizes the name, because suddenly, her fists are covered with Laura's warm hands, soothing her with the small circles Laura is making with her thumb.

Carmilla releases a strained breath.

Aside from Laura, and Elsie and Dillon (who were sitting next to them), the rest of the cast don't seem to notice the tension in Carmilla's pose. Of course, the two main cast only look at her worriedly, unaware of the history between her and Ell.

“Breathe, Carm,” Laura whispers in her ear, and Carmilla follows her instruction, unaware she had even stopped breathing. She tries to focus on Laura's warmth, the hand running up and down her back and thumb making circles on the back of hand.

“You okay there, Karnstein?” Elsie asks, keeping her voice low.

“Yeah.” Carmilla replies tightly, avoiding their looks.

Dillon studies her for a moment. “You know this Ell girl.” It wasn't a question, but Carmilla nods anyway. “Damn. You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah.” She tightens her grip on Laura's hand as she tries to sound more confident.

Whatever composure she's able to muster up immediately shattered when Ell walked up to them. “Been a long time, Carmilla.”

Carmilla freezes again, but thankfully, Dillon stands up, holding his hand out as he cheerily shakes Ell's hand. “Hey there, the name's Dillon. I play _Tyler_ , the main protagonist of the show. Did you know that?”

Ell seemed surprised at his friendliness, but before she could respond, Elsie also stands up, taking Ell's hand and shaking it herself. “Hi I'm Elsie, and I play _Rebecca_ , the _real_ main protagonist of the show. Dillon here plays as my sidekick.”

He dramatically scowls at Elsie. “I do not. I'm the main character, one hundred percent.”

Elsie rolls her eyes as she lets go of Ell's hand. “Not according to the cast list you're not.”

Laura inconspicuously leads Carmilla away as the two main cast distracts the wicked witch of her past (and coincidently, her character). She silently thanks both Dillon and Elsie for backing her up like that and thinks that she'd leave them chocolates on their chairs later. She only lets go of the tension in her body when Laura sits her down on a chair in the lobby, far away from the room where the rest of the cast and directors are.

Laura her thumbs in circles at the back of Carmilla's hands, and only when her grip loosened does Laura speak. “You okay?”

Carmilla's eyes dart towards Laura, and she nods as she sees the worry in the tiny blonde's eyes. “Yeah. Fine. Just… _surprised_.”

It doesn't look like Laura believes her, but Laura point out the way her voice wavered. Laura just brings her into her arms and hugs her, creating a blanket of warmth and _safety_ in her arms.

“I can talk to Perry if you'd like?” Laura murmurs into her ear as she buries her face into Laura's neck. “I'm sure she'll do something about it if she knows.”

Carmilla immediately shakes her head. “No. No way.” She grips the back of Laura's shirt before letting out a breath and pushing the actor away. She sits up straighter, her breath calming down a little. “I'm fine. I can do this. Perry can't—she doesn't have to know.”

Laura bites her lip, and it's so obvious to Carmilla that she really wants to argue, so it surprises Carmilla when all she does is nod. “Okay. I won't tell.” Carmilla lets out another sigh of relief at Laura's answer, until Laura adds, “But you have to tell me when she's getting into your head, okay? No acting strong. If you're having problems with her, I want you to tell me right away so I can kidnap you or something and keep her away from you, alright?”

Carmilla's chest feels warm at Laura's words, remembering the before _Silas University_ , she's only received that much care from her siblings. She smiles a little at Laura. “You know kidnapping me is a crime, right?”

Laura rolls her eyes at Carmilla's remark, but she seems more relieved than anything else. “It won't be kidnapping if you're willingly being taken.”

“Well, if a beautiful lady like yourself tells someone she's kidnapping them, then who would be able to refuse?”

They joke and laugh until Perry comes out to get them, and when Carmilla faces Ell again, she's ready for it. She holds Laura's hand, her grip tightening when Ell's gaze falls on it, and somehow, she feels stronger than all the other times Ell has looked at her.

Tall skinny Umbridge might still be there, but as she meets Laura's eyes when they sit down, she thinks she'll be alright.

* * *

 Ell gets along with almost everyone in the cast and crew.

 _Of course she does_.

There are exceptions though, and aside from the obvious who is Laura, Elsie and Dillon remains wary of the new cast after witnessing Carmilla's almost anxiety attack when Ell had been introduced. The goof heads are both loyal to a fault, and Carmilla half-heartedly complains to Laura as she brings Elsie's favourite pack of gummy worms to set and sneaks in her thermos some whiskey that Dillon especially likes.

(The two main casts give her a smile each, but neither voices their thanks. Carmilla is thankful of that.)

It's the first day of shooting with Ell. They're on episode 2 and it's her introduction episode where _Simone_ is going to save them from a trap the coven master had left last season. With all the mysteries and questions piling up for each of the main characters, _Simone_ 's answers and insight are welcomed, and most times, Carmilla has to psyche herself up for several minutes for her dialogues with Ell to sound as close to friendly as she can. She thinks she's doing a good job because the director doesn't say anything and even compliments their _chemistry_ ( _gags_ ) as they shoot the scenes.

(Carmilla thinks she deserves an Oscar for being able to create any sort of chemistry with her evil ex. Really. All she wanted to do was punch Ell in the face.)

Laura is always there without fail. Although _Ellia and Amanda_ are basically inseparable for the beginning of season 2, there are scenes where _Ellia_ has to consult with _Simone_ alone. Carmilla doesn't know whether she's annoyed or thankful of Laura's support (because she feels like a child that had to be watched over at all times), but seeing Laura in the sidelines in between takes and getting a hug from the happy blonde after a scene is a bonus that Carmilla can't hate.

Another problem is, of course, _her brother_.

Carmilla has told Laura not to tell Will, and although Laura had protested at first, she grudgingly relented to Carmilla's wish. If it were up to her, Will would never find out about Ell's casting into the _Silas U_ cast, but on day 5 of them shooting season 2, the _SilasU_ official twitter account posts an announcement of Ell's casting.

Needless to say, Will easily finds out about it.

“ _Why didn't you tell me?!_ ”

Carmilla rolls her eyes at Will's angry voice. “Because of precisely this reaction.”

“To be fair, it's a very logical reaction.” Laura comments and Carmilla just glares at her.

Her phone is set into speaker with Will on the line. Carmilla kind of regrets letting Laura into the conversation.

“ _I knew we should've filed a restraining order on her!_ ” Carmilla can hear her brother pacing through the phone. “ _Can't we talk to your producer or something?_ ”

“We are doing no such thing, William. She's been casted and there's nothing we can do but deal with it. End of discussion.”

“ _Where's your set?_ ”

Carmilla frowns at Will's question. “No, you are not goin—”

“ _Where's your set?!_ ”

“Same place as last season for the next two weeks before we move to shoot in other locations.” Laura answers.

“Laura, what the—”

“ _Got it._ ”

“Will—”

The line is cut off.

* * *

 Will arrives on the last shoot for the day a day after their phone call. Carmilla thinks she should be grateful that Will had been too busy to barge into their filming the moment he found out about Ell because she knows Will and how protective he can be.

It's Laura's scene with both Elsie and Dillon. Ell has gone home—fortunately—but the fact merely redirects Will's target from Ell to Perry.

He is already talking to Perry when she spots him, and she practically runs to stop Will from saying anything to the producer. She manages to cut him off just before he brings up the topics of _psychological trauma_ and _restraining order_ and roughly pushes him away and outside their set area. She catches Perry's worried look on the way out, and she barely manages to give an excuse as to why she is dragging _Will Luce_ out by the ear.

“Look, Will, as touching as your concern is, I am not a child!” Carmilla growls at her brother, pushing him back by his chest when they're finally outside. It's late, and most of the cast and crew are either finishing up the last take or has gone home, giving them a little privacy. “I'm not that stupid teenager who was too infatuated with the first girl who ever gave her any attention to realize she's being manipulated anymore!”

There is a dark look on his face as he is reminded of what Ell had done, and as much as Carmilla loves her brother and appreciates his protectiveness, it's making her feel useless.

She lets out a huge sigh before grabbing the hair at the top of his head and pulling him down gently—a special way of her showing affection. This time, she speaks softer. “I can fight my own battles, Will. I'm stronger now. Please, just let me prove to you—and to _myself—_ that I am.”

Will meets her eyes, a conflicted look on his face.

“Trust me, Will.” Carmilla pleads again. “I won't let her do that to me again. Just give me a chance.”

There is a moment where Will seems to be thinking it through, but then he swiftly reaches out and wraps his arms around his sister, bringing them into a tight hug.

“You are the strongest person I know.” Will mumbles, burying his face into his sister's hair. “Don't ever forget that.”

Carmilla just embraces him tighter.

“And although I know you can handle her on your own, don't ever be afraid to ask for my help. And if you change your mind about the whole restraining order thing, I'm just one call away.”

Carmilla laughs before releasing Will. “Thanks, Willy Boy.”

“Does Mattie know?” Will asks, his brow scrunched up a little.

“Not yet,” Carmilla shakes her head. “But please let me tell her myself. The announcement was online, and most of the show's fanbase is on the internet, so I'm sure Mattie wouldn't find out through the news. I'm just trying to figure out how to tell her without making her react the way you did.”

Will lifts an eyebrow, much like the way Carmilla does. “You know she probably hates Ell the most out of the three of us.”

“Which is why I'm going to tell her after we finish shooting when she can't do a single thing,” Carmilla insists. Will frowns at her. “Just… just leave this to me, okay?”

Once Will is convinced, Carmilla turns around and finds Laura standing a few meters away—a respectable distance from their conversation but, with volume of their voices and the quietness of the night, was close enough to be able to listen. She doesn't say anything though and merely holds her hand out to Carmilla, asking her if she wants Thai food for dinner.

Even as they settle in Carmilla's apartment for another night of sleepover, Laura doesn't ask. Carmilla knows she's just being respectful, even though the curiosity mixed with worry was pooling in her honey brown eyes. Carmilla thinks she'll tell her soon, because out of anyone else, Laura deserves the full story of the mess in her life made by the typhoon called Ell.

* * *

 “So the devil incarnate ends up as one of your co-stars, and you didn't think to tell me?!”

So Mattie knows.

Carmilla sighs, hiding her face in both of her hands as Mattie continues to glare at her. She isn't even sure how Mattie found out, but she guesses that her original plan of hoping Mattie won't check her twitter account isn't really the best plan.

“Because I know you'd overreact, Mattie. Hell, you're overreacting right now.”

Carmilla is able to drag Mattie far _far_ away from the set before she could as much as take a step towards Ell's direction. It's also a good thing that Carmilla hadn't been in the middle of a take, and had been hanging out with Dillon near the props and practising (playing) with their _'weapons'_. She knows her scene with Dillon is coming up though so she really hopes Mattie will calm down enough for her to do her job. If not, she hopes Dillon will cover for her until she's sure Mattie isn't going to murder Ell.

(Funny how Carmilla is the one protecting Ell from her siblings this time. To be fair though, she doesn't fancy the idea of having to visit her siblings in jail for homicide.)

Mattie looks appalled at her words. “Me? Overreacting? Need I remind you what that witch had done to you?”

“No, actually, you don't. And you know why? Because every single second I spend at work with her reminds me of every moment I spent being used by her!” Carmilla snaps, and Mattie had the decency to look guilty. She shakes her head, trying to remind herself the this is _her big sister_. It's in Mattie's job description to be worried about her. “Look, Mattie. I get it. Will and I talked about this, and I understand your concerns. But please, try to understand that I can't spend the rest of my life hiding behind you two whenever I'm in the same room as her. I can't live with that fear, Mattie.”

Mattie lets out a sigh.

“If I don't face her on my own, I'll never learn how to.” Carmilla continues. “I'll never be free of her.”

There is a fire in Mattie's eyes that shows she wants to disagree, but she takes another breath and says, “Fine.” Carmilla smiles at her. “But facing her on your own doesn't mean you can't ask for our help. If you—”

“—ever need help, I'll call you.” Carmilla nods, smiling lightly. “Thanks, Mattie.”

“Of course, darling.” Finally, Mattie's smile turns coy. “So… where's the Gidget that you're falling heels over head in love for?”

Carmilla gapes and stutters out a weak “Who says anything about love?” and Mattie merely laughs at it.

That night, Mattie and Laura finally meet in person and they go out for dinner. It turns out to be a terrible idea because somehow, Mattie and Laura get along swimmingly, so much so that they both tease and make fun of Carmilla the whole night.

Carmilla complains about it.

(She doesn't admit that she's glad they get along.)

(She doesn't admit how much of a relief that is either.)

* * *

They watch the premiere of _The Purgatory_ at Laura's place.

It's kickass and the effects are great and Carmilla looks really hot while stabbing demons in her leather pants.

(Carmilla is the one who says this. Although Laura rolls her eyes and hits her with a pillow while muttering how conceited she is, Laura doesn't disagree.)

Unsurprisingly, it ends up being a sleepover. The first season of _SilasU_ had been released on Netflix the week before and they decide to binge it after talking in detail about the first episode of _The Purgatory_.

They're in the fourth episode, during one of the scenes where _Amanda_ looks jealous as she watches _Ellia_ being friendly with another girl, when Carmilla's thoughts go back to her situation with Ell. Laura has been supportive the whole time without being overbearing (most of the times). But in the few occasions that Carmilla and Ell had scenes together, Carmilla has seen Laura make the same face _Amanda_ is making in the scene they are watching.

She's known to some degree that Laura probably likes her too. But they're costars, and they're love interests, and there's no way this wouldn't blow up in their faces if she does anything about it now.

But maybe she can start working on it.

“Hey, Laura,” she begins quietly. Laura turns to her, a tiny smile on her lips as she hummed in acknowledgement. Carmilla takes a breath. “I need to tell you about Ell.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have nothing against Ell but she is such a convenient bad guy that i almost feel sorry for her XDDD also, i didn't realize the whole chapter became like this. i was planning on like introducing Ell and maybe showing how she mingles with everyone else but it just turned out to be a #ProtectCarmilla chapter.... so that's fun :D
> 
> Filler chapter next update! XDD sorry but i want this to be a fun story so i'm gonna make a fun chapter after a relatively not fun chapter! :DDDD
> 
> PS filler chapter is gonna be pretty stupid hahahahahah


	6. Tragic Backstory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla spills her tragic backstory. Amellia becomes a tragic story.

**VI. Tragic Backstory**

Lilita Morgan, Carmilla and Will's birth mother and Mattie's adoptive mother, is a person that should not be a mother at all, if Carmilla would put it frankly. She is cold and manipulative, and she should not be near any kids. Some would even call her abusive, but Carmilla didn't like that word. Because if Lilita Morgan was abusive to her children, then that means Carmilla was abused, and she didn't want to think like that.

Out of the three siblings, Carmilla had been Lilita's favourite, not that it helped her. Being Maman's darling glittering girl just meant she was particularly harder on Carmilla. Carmilla didn't mind. Mattie could hold o f f her own, and if being locked up in an empty closet for three days meant saving Will from getting hit until he was covered in bruises, then Carmilla would take the punishments. Will had always made sure to talk to her and stay in front of the chained closet whenever she was locked in there, but he could only do it in small spans of time.

(The first time she got locked up, she was eleven. She had  _cried and screamed_ until she couldn't make any sound. Her hands had bruised from knocking on the closed door, and she honestly thought she was going to die. When she was let out, she had to see the doctor to fix the damage she did with her voice. She couldn't talk for two weeks, and after her vocal cords had healed substantially, her voice lessons resumed immediately.)

(It would be a waste, of course, of Maman's glittering girl's talent if she stopped singing.)

It's still hard though. She never overcame her claustrophobia, and sometimes, she still wakes up in cold sweat, having dreamt of being trapped in that closet that Maman kept in the basement.

Theatre acting had been one of Carmilla's reprieve from her mother. By joining the theatre club, not only does her mother bask in the praises that she gets whenever Carmilla stars in the school play (no matter how utterly idiotic she finds the event), but it also gives Carmilla the excuse to be away from their house, and consequently their mother, for as long as it is allowable.

It also gives Will the excuse to stay with her. Mattie is six years older than Carmilla while she and Will are only a year apart. When Carmilla finally gets a license, and had been given an old beat up car so that  _Maman_ wouldn't have to exert any excess effort to make sure they go back home, the two younger siblings stuck together. They go to and from school together, and even during the one year that Carmilla had been in high school while Will had been in junior high, neither minded waiting for the other whenever the need arises.

When they are both in high school and Mattie is finishing up her undergraduate degree, Carmilla devoted herself to theatre. It had saved her, the theatre stage being the place she could feel safest. It is the only place, outside of her books, that she can be someone else entirely—someone worthwhile.

But it had also been where she met Ell.

Ell is sweet and kind when they first meet, and even though Will had warned Carmilla that something is off with the other girl, Carmilla ignored him. Ell was the first person to care about Carmilla, and it was that belief that made her rebel against her mother.

It had put a strain on the siblings' relationship when the two girls started dating in Carmilla's second year, and by then, Carmilla is already too infatuated that she is blinded from seeing Ell's true colors.

Mattie had planned to take both Will and Carmilla under her custody once she graduated college, and unbeknownst to the three of them, Lilita is privy to this. Ell is a pawn, a last resort to keep her favourite child with her, and it had worked.

Carmilla refused to go with Mattie when the time came, and she was left alone to the clutches of both Ell and her mother.

* * *

 

“...it wasn't all that bad though. When I was left with Maman and Ell, it was hard at first, especially while I was still under Ell's spell. But in the midst of it, I met someone,” Carmilla continues that morning when Carmilla had begun to tell Laura, smiling a little. “I met Laf, my best friend. They were struggling with something at the time too, and it's like we gravitated to each other. They helped me out with my problems with Ell, keeping me grounded and being severely honest with me when Will and Mattie couldn't anymore. They were the only reason I was able to get out of the chains Ell had put me in. Without them, I wouldn't have realized that Ell was Maman's pawn all along and that she didn't really love me. They even helped me with dumping Ell and making it as humiliating for her as possible. It was the greatest graduation ever.”

Laura smiles back as Carmilla's gaze turns fond instead of the cold and guarded look she had been wearing since the night before.

“We were each other's rocks, and once we finally graduated high school, we took on the world together. I was finally free to live with Mattie, whom at the time, was finishing up her law degree in record time, and we went to college together. We were able to get scholarships—thank goodness for that—and we were roommates until we graduated.”

They are eating cereal for breakfast, Carmilla continuing the story when Laura had asked her to. It had gotten really late whilst Carmilla was telling her story last night, so they decide to go to sleep and just resume the next morning. Laura's mildly aware that the cereal in front of her is turning soggy, but Carmilla's face is too interesting for her to care.

“Where's your best friend now?” Laura asks softly.

“Somewhere in Asia, last time I checked. They've been going around the world going to science conventions and stuff for the past year. You know, following their dreams?” Carmilla smirks, “They're a nerd.”

“So those random postcards I find in your mail are from them?”

“ Yep. They were never in one place long enough for me to send anything back though so we usually just talk through e-mails. The time difference makes it hard to schedule Skype calls and what-not, but they post vlogs. I watch it once they've pestered me enough.”

Carmilla puts a slice of fruit that Laura had prepared for them in her mouth, a smirk still in place, and looks up, only to find Laura looking so…  _softly…_ at her. It isn't the first time she's seen this look on Laura, and not the first time it's directed at her either, but with the context of their conversation, it left the atmosphere around them feel like there was a sort of openness and vulnerability between them—something that neither of them has experience in their friendship.  There is no pity or judgment in Laura's eyes. There is just this look of  _pride_ and  _admiration_ , and it's a look she never expected to get after telling Laura about her tragic backstory.

(To be fair, she had never told anyone about Ell before so she didn't really know what to expect but it certainly isn't  _that_ .)

In a rare instance of shyness, Carmilla looked back down at her bowl, unable to stare back at Laura while she's looking at the brunette _like that_. The giant problem with being pale is that whenever Carmilla blushes (and it's not often), she _freaking turns red_ _and there's no way to deny it._

Instead of calling her out on her blushing, Laura reaches across the table to grab her hand, squeezing it lightly.

Carmilla looks at their hands for a moment before shifting back to Laura, and that smile was still there as the blonde says, “You're amazing, you know that?”

And true to Carmilla fashion, whenever she gets flustered, her defence mechanism to be flirty instead immediately shot up.

“You're not so bad yourself, Cupcake.”

Laura just giggles.

Carmilla thinks Laura knows exactly what happened.

* * *

 

Shooting the _Amellia_ break up scene is _exhausting_.

Carmilla can honestly swear she has never done a more draining scene in her life. She doesn't even have so many lines in the scene, most of it falling onto Laura, but even when they are just rehearsing privately, it somehow sucks the life out of her like she's being emotionally drained.

It's a quiet event, the break up scene. There are no big arguments or shouting, just _Ellia_ quietly explaining her reasons why she's breaking up with _Amanda,_ while _Amanda_ tries to understand her reasons and attempts to convince _Ellia_ through rambles. It's heartbreaking, and Laura predicted that the episode would kill (merely a metaphor, apparently) all the shippers. Whatever that actually meant, Carmilla isn't sure, except she's certain it'll include the internet exploding in some way.

“...that's it then? This isn't working out for you so you want out? What, I don't get a proper explanation?” Laura demands in their third take. She's standing in front of Carmilla, staring at the brunette in disbelief.

Carmilla sits on the love seat, the same one they had sat on just a few hours ago while shooting another scene. She slouches, bent over with her elbows resting on her knees. She answers calmly, her face betraying no emotion. “I don't know what sort of explanation you want from me. I told you, I just don't see us happening in the long run. Obviously, you're more invested in this relationship than I am, and I don't want to string you along.”

“I'm more invested?” Laura asks incredulously. She begins to gesticulate wildly as she talks. “You're saying you don't feel as strongly for me as I feel about you? Really? That's all you can think of? What about that time that we almost died for each other then? Did you forget that? You're a lot of things, _Ellia_ , but you are not a good actor. You really think I'll believe that you were faking everything you felt when we were together? That your aloof and uncaring attitude would convince me that this is what you really want? No. I will not accept that. We are not breaking up because of some… stupid lies you tried to come up with!”

“Fine. You want the truth?” Carmilla straightens up as she looks directly into Laura's determined eyes. Her chest twists as she spots tears pooling in those hazel brown orbs. “I don't want to be in this relationship anymore. I am done hanging out, going to dates, or generally just spending time together. I can't be near you, and I think we would be better off without each other.”

Carmilla's heart breaks for the third time as Laura's face twists in both shock and pain. They stare at each other like that for a long moment, willing the other to break first.

It's Carmilla who breaks, unable to look Laura in the eyes any longer. That is a mistake. She's supposed to keep her eyes locked with Laura's for their last two lines. Laura is supposed to say _'Please tell me you're lying'_ and Carmilla is to reply a short _'Goodbye, Amanda'_ before walking away. But clearly, she has messed that up, so Carmilla chooses to walk away without waiting for Laura to deliver her lines.

Even though it isn't the script, it felt fitting, because if _Ellia_ cares about _Amanda_ at least half as much as Carmilla cares about Laura, then _she_ wouldn't have been able to watch _Amanda_ in pain either.

“Tell me you don't love me, and I'll believe you.”

Carmilla stops in her tracks when Laura says the words. She doesn't turn back, even when she hears the tremble in Laura's voice.

A tear runs down Carmilla's cheek as she replies.

“I never said I love you.”

…

They hug the moment Spencer, their director, called cut. Laura cries out the rest of her tears, and Carmilla takes deep breaths to calm herself down. People around them erupt into a small applause for their performance while one of the staff offers them a bottle of water each. Spencer claps them both on their backs for a job well done and shows them the shot.

“Fantastic ad lib there, guys. And your reactions are perfect. This is definitely making it into the final cut.” Spencer says as he shows them the most recent shot.

Laura is still sniffling when the scene ends. Carmilla puts her arms over Laura's shoulders to bring the tiny blonde closer to her as she grins. “Awesome. Good thing Cupcake here was able to save the take after I fucked it up.”

Laura nudges her. “You're not so bad yourself. I can almost imagine the damage this is gonna do to the shippers. You just made the break up scene even more heart breaking. I didn't think it was possible!”

Elsie, who is somehow given the task of giving the fans sneak peeks of their shooting through the _SilasU_ official twitter account, suddenly pipes up from the sides. “Oh I am definitely posting this."

* * *

 

_** @SilasU:  ** Season 2 super sneak peek! #Amellia #SilasUs2 <Image attached> _

Attached to the tweet is a picture of the pair with Laura looking at Carmilla as she walked away. Their faces look heartbroken, and the tears are very obvious even though it's a medium close shot of the both of them. One thing stands out to the fans though, and it's Laura's giraffe print shirt on the scene.

The scene became infamously known in the fandom as the  _#GiraffeShirtScene_ . Fans had become wary, both dreading and looking forward to the episode. Some has started writing their wills for when they die after watching the episode. Carmilla just stares at the photo. She had not known that Laura turned to look at her when they shot that scene, and  as much as Carmilla thinks Laura is a great actress, the tiny blonde had clearly outdone herself, especially with her ad lib.

Laura gets swept by the hype that is building with the fans while Carmilla watches amusedly. She witnesses Laura painstakingly holding herself back from revealing any spoilers, so of course Carmilla has to tease her more about it.

_** @HeyCarmilla: @SilasU @Laura2theLetter  ** was still crying even after they called cut. You guys are in for something really special. #SilasUs2 #Amellia _

_** @Laura2theLetter: @SilasU @HeyCarmilla  ** STOP HYPING ME UP. IF I SPILL SPOILERS I'LL BLAME YOU #SilasUs2 #Amellia _

_** @HeyCarmilla: @SilasU @Laura2theLetter  ** that was the plan. _

_** @Laura2theLetter: @SilasU @HeyCarmilla  ** why do I like you :(((( _

_** @HeyCarmilla: @SilasU @Laura2theLetter  ** my body and irresistible charms. Also because I buy you hot chocolate and cookies. _

_** @Laura2theLetter: @SilasU @HeyCarmilla  ** it's the hot coco. DID YOU PSYCHOLOGICALLY TRAIN ME TO LIKE YOU BY BRIBING ME WITH SWEETS???! _

_** @HeyCarmilla: @SilasU @Laura2theLetter  ** damn. Looks like you saw through my plan. _

_**@Laura2theLetter: @SilasU @HeyCarmilla** ???!!!? :((((((_

_**@swag3lsie: @SilasU @Laura2theLetter @HeyCarmilla** they are literally tweeting each other from across the set -_-;_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was wrong! no filler chapter right now XD
> 
> I realized later on that the filler would fit better in the story after this chapter which is why it took a while because i had to finish this first! XD also, is anyone triggered by the Amellia break up? XD to be fair, the Hollstein break up was heartbreaking but also quite beautiful. i love rewatching it because it hurts sooooo gooooodd.
> 
> will post the filler in a week or two. i'll need to edit it a bit. thanks!
> 
> PS. Thank the writer of Marriage of Convenience for updating because she broke my heart with her latest update and i had no other choice but to update so that i'll forget it :(((  
> PPS I WANT HAPPY ENDINGS


	7. The Musical Chapter (Filler)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla and Laura does a duet. Fangirling ensues.

**Chapter VII: The Musical Chapter (Filler)**

Carmilla, for the first time in her acting life, hates her job.

It doesn't really have much to do with the job but with the person she's doing it with.

Because the day has come that she'll have to shoot her first mouth to mouth (Carmilla refuses to call it _kiss_ ) with Ell.

It is _the worst_.

The fact that Laura will be in that scene both reassures her and frightens her, because this is _Laura_ and she's always made Carmilla calm in tense situations, has always grounded her when her mind wouldn't stop floating. But with everything that's been happening between the two of them (and by everything, Carmilla meant _lack of things_ ) it only makes her feel guilty. It doesn't even make sense, because even though she kinda knows that there are possibly maybe hypothetical feelings between them, neither of them had acted upon it, so technically, Carmilla shouldn't even worry about Laura getting jealous.

(She hopes Laura does though.)

Laura notices her discomfort, because, _of course_ , they've been around each other so much that they can practically read each other's minds. (It sounds awfully domestic, yet Carmilla only feels giddy at the thought.) So to ease her nerves, Laura suggests that they have an impromptu quickie dance party—or sing-along party, whatever really—to get Carmilla's mind off of things for a little while.

And so, Laura steals her iPod and plugs it into the biggest speaker she can find on set.

Her playlist is something that Carmilla keeps very private. She's not afraid to call out on those hideous pop-crap that Laura seems to love and she makes no attempt to hide how utterly disgusted she is of those Top 40 songs the blonde keeps playing. Laura would be offended for a certain amount of time whenever Carmilla says this, but would eventually relent and agree that some of the songs really are bad but _'they're catchy, Carm! I can't help it if they get stuck in my head unwillingly!'_

So of course, if it comes to the choice of letting Laura play _hideous_ songs or playing her own, Carmilla would willingly let everyone on set hear her excellent taste in music.

She doesn't consider the fact that she doesn't share her playlist for _a reason_ , and that reason becomes glaringly obvious as the first few songs played.

“Oh my goodness,” Laura remarks in glee, grinning widely at Carmilla as _Think of Me_ played next, right after _On My Own_. “You're a theatre _nerd_. This explains so much about you.”

Carmilla just glowers. “Shut up.”

“Oh c'mon, Carm, it's cute.” Laura bounces to her with a smile. “I mean, I'm pretty sure everyone in the cast has a theatre background. You don't have to be ashamed.”

Carmilla groans and hides her face against one of the light stands.

Laura sings along with the song while Carmilla wallows, hoping to whatever is out there to end the song already. But just when she thinks she finally gets reprieve, _another_ musical song plays.

“ _Take Me or Leave Me_ ,” Laura practically squeals. “Of course, you have this song! I knew we're friends for a reason!”

Carmilla just rolls her eyes. “Yes, because you're a total Joanne.”

A dramatic gasp comes out of Laura and Carmilla raises an eyebrow at the reaction. There was a playfully offended expression on Laura's face as she says, “Did you just call me a control freak?”

Carmilla couldn't help but smirk back. “An anal retentive.”

With a flick of her finger, Laura repeats the song, the intro playing once again. “I think I'd make a pretty good Maureen, to be honest.”

“If you hadn't noticed, I wear the leather pants in this relationship.” Carmilla's smirk widens as she gestures to the pants she was currently wearing. Laura steps closer to her with a challenging gaze.

“Is that an invitation for me to wear leather pants?”

Carmilla subtly—or as subtly as she could—swallows the lump that formed in her throat at the thought. “No one can wear leather pants better than I do, Cupcake.”

Laura _purposely_ bites her lip, and Carmilla is much too weak to stop her gaze from locking at it. “I disagree.”

And just like that, Laura began to sing.

“ _Every single day, I walk down the street, I hear people say 'Baby' so sweet..._ ”

Carmilla shakes her head, saying a stern _'No'_ as she takes a step back. There is no way she's going with this impromptu Laura wants to have. Laura, determined, is quick to follow, not losing character as she sings.

“ _Ever since puberty, everybody stares at me—boys, girls, I can't help it, baby..._ ” Laura gesticulates as she sings, and Carmilla looks at Laura for a moment and silently gives in, walking away like she's supposed to but in the pretence that she doesn't want anything to do with it.

Laura seems to realize this, smiling as she chases Carmilla and singing, “ _So be kind, and don't lose your mind. Just remember—_ ” she takes Carmilla's hand and holds her close, “— _that I'm your baby._

“ _Take me for what I am._ ” They swing side to side, Carmilla pretending to be annoyed with it as Laura grins widely. They don't notice the rest of the staff and crew watching them and pointedly moving away from their _'stage'_ to avoid interrupting them. “ _Who I was meant to be..._

_“And if you give a damn,_ ” Laura twirls Carmilla, holding her from behind. “ _Take me, baby, or leave me._ ” Carmilla yanks away from her grip with an unimpressed look before walking away again.

Laura sighs and follows again. “ _Take me, baby or leave me._ ”

Carmilla passes by the empty set, the section of the big function hall that the awesome art department will be turning into a semi-dungeon complete with brick walls and metal cages. Ellia's—what the cast and crew jokingly call as—kinky bed, complete with the rope and handcuffs that supposedly kept Ellia from hurting anyone during possessions, was the only prop on set. Carmilla passes by it in her attempt to walk away from Laura, but the sudden creak of the bed and Laura's voice snapped her attention around.

“ _A tiger in a cage can never see the sun,_ ” Laura was standing on the bed, gesturing towards her as she continued. She takes off the button up she's wearing, leaving her in her tank top, and tosses it to Carmilla who is slowly approaching her. “ _This diva need her stage. Baby, let's have fun!_

“ _You are the one I choose. Folks would kill to fill your shoes,_ ” Laura kneels on the bed, falling eye level with Carmilla. Carmilla bunches up the shirt that was thrown at her and set it in the bed as she narrowed her eyes at the blond. “ _You love the limelight too, now baby._

“ _So be mine, and don't waste my time crying,_ ” Laura hops down from the bed, grabbing Carmilla's hands and teasingly putting it under her shirt. Carmilla's eyes widens at the action, and Laura smirks as turned her back on the brunette, this time, slowly lifting her top with her own two hands. “ _'Oh honeybear, are you still my, my, my baby?'_ ”

Carmilla takes her hand back, following her cue. “ _Don't you dare._ ”

She walks away and Laura follows again.

“ _Take me for what I am. Who I was meant to be._ ” Carmilla sees the completed staircase prop and purposely heads towards it as Laura sings. “ _And if you give a damn, take me, baby, or leave me._

“ _No way,_ ” Carmilla's almost at the top of the stairs when Laura gets to that line, and she stops, turning around to watch the little blonde be seductive, “ _Can I be what I'm not. But hey, don't you want your girl hot?_ ” Carmilla zeroes in on the muscles that flexed on Laura's arms. “ _Don't fight. Don't lose your head,_ ” Laura slowly climbs the stairs to her. “ _Cause every night, who's in you bed?_

“ _Who?_ ” She drops to her knees, giving Carmilla her puppy eyes. “ _Who's in your bed?_ ”

Carmilla almost laughs as she rolls her eyes when Laura finishes. “ _Kiss. Pookie._ ”

“ _It won't work._ ” She takes a step down, closer to Laura. “ _I look before I leap. I love margins and discipline._ ” She takes Laura's hand and pulls her to stand. “ _I make lists in my sleep, baby, what's my sin?_

“ _Never quit, I follow through. I hate mess, but I love you._ ” She brings both hands to Laura's hips, suggestively trailing her hands up to Laura's hipbone, making the blonde's eyes widen. Carmilla quickly lets go with a tiny smirk. “ _What to do with my impromptu, baby?_

“ _So be wise, cause this girl satisfies,_ ” She pushes her body closer to Laura's catching the other girl's breath hitch even as she sings. She winks at Laura. “ _You got a prize so don't compromise. You're one lucky baby._ ” She turns around, seeing the rest of the cast and crew amusedly watching. For a moment, she thinks she sees a camera taping them, but she ignores it, choosing to continue singing.

“ _Take me for what I am._ ” It was Carmilla's turn to do the dramatic singing.

“ _A control freak._ ” Laura pipes up from behind her.

“ _Who I was meant to be,_ ” Carmilla slowly makes her way down the stairs.

“ _A snob yet over attentive._ ”

“ _And if you give a damn,_ ”

“ _A lovable droll geek._ ”

“ _Take me, baby, or leave me._ ” Carmilla leaves the stairs just as Laura says at the same time, “ _An anal retentive!_ ”

They dramatically move towards the prop table where some people from the costume and prop department were fixing up stuff that would be used on the next scene. Some of them immediately clear out, taking their work away from the table, while some remained in their seats, watching as the two actors continued to sing.

“ _That's it!_ ”

Carmilla turns around for a second to look at Laura as she sang her line.“ _The straw that breaks my back._ ”

Laura rolls her eyes as a response. “ _I quit!_ ”

“ _Unless you take it back!_ ”

“ _Women!_ ”

Laura turns to one of the prop person that remained by the table as Carmilla walked to the opposite side. “ _What is it about them?_ ”

“ _Can't live with them or without them!_ ”

They focus on each other for a short second, before bursting out the last chorus.

“ _Take me for what I am. Who I was meant to be._ ”

Laura jumps onto the table, crawling across it towards Carmilla as she sang. “ _And if you give a damn._ ” The other people still by the prop table quickly remove the things on top of it, creating a clear path for Laura towards her co-star.

Carmilla merely narrowed her eyes at Laura's approach. “ _And if you give a damn you better,_ ”

“ _Take me, baby, or leave me._ ”

Laura sat in front of Carmilla on the table and she wasted no time pulling Laura's legs around her. And even as Laura visibly blushed, her gaze never wavered, matching Carmilla's heated gaze.

“ _Take me, baby..._ ”

Carmilla leans in closer, causing Laura to lean back as her eyes rapidly darted between Carmilla's lips and gaze. But just before her back touched the table, she jerked up, making Carmilla step back in surprise.

“ _Or leave me._ ”

Carmilla raises an eyebrow at Laura's smug grin.

“ _Guess I'm leaving._ ”

They walk away from each other, Laura swaggering even more so than Carmilla.

“ _I'm gone_.”

When the last note of the song finished playing, there is a moment of silence before everyone on set bursts out clapping and hooting. Laura giggles at what had just transpired and immediately runs to Carmilla to hug her.

Even Carmilla lets out a laugh. The whole thing is just so silly and _fun_ , and the fact that she did it with Laura makes everything ten times better.

“You know you're now required to sing all the musical duets with me, right?” Laura tells her with a smile.

Carmilla rolls her eyes. “As long as I get to pick the song.”

Laura just giggles even more.

* * *

 

_**@SilasU:** _ _Season 2 shenanigans! #Amellia #Hollstein #SilasUs2 <Image attached>_

Attached to the tweet is a photo of Laura and Carmilla at the table, Laura's legs around Carmilla's waist, their faces inches apart and their mouths open in song. Apparently, one of the cameraman was able to take a video of their whole performance. The _SilasU_ twitter feed blows up after that post, and Laura persuades Carmilla to reply and retweet just to rile the fans up.

Carmilla grudgingly does so. (She can never say no to Laura anyway.)

_**@Laura2theLetter: @SilasU @HeyCarmilla** _ _is a woman of many talents! The best duet partner I've ever had for sure :*_

_**@HeyCarmilla: @SilasU @Laura2theLetter** _ _we should do You're the One that I Want next._

_**@Laura2theLetter: @SilasU @HeyCarmilla** _ _OOOOOHH! DIBS ON DANNY ZUKO_

_**@HeyCarmilla: @SilasU @Laura2theLetter** _ _no_

_**@Laura2theLetter: @SilasU @HeyCarmilla** _ _:((((((((((_

_**@HeyCarmilla: @SilasU @Laura2theLetter** _ _let me wear the leather pants this time, Cupcake._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you it's gonna be stupid XDDDD
> 
> btw it might take a while again for the next chapter. I'm not sure whether I should just continue on Carmilla's POV or jump to Laura for once so as long as i haven't decided, I won't be very productive writing wise XDDD help me decide please? do you think this is a good place to show Laura's POV so far? or should I wait till the very end :)))
> 
> oooh! i almost forgot. tell RunWithWolves that if she update Marriage of Convenience then i might just finish the next chapter super fast XDD
> 
> now if you'll excuse me i'll just be staring at Katie McGrath's face for a while  
> (wrong fandom)


	8. Required Alt POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a recap... but in Laura's perspective.

**Chapter VIII:** **Required Alt POV**

For Laura Hollis, it's infatuation at first sight with Carmilla Karnstein.

Anyone who knows Carmilla understands Laura's sentiments. Carmilla Karnstein is the very definition of beautiful in every dictionary. Everything about her screams gorgeous, from the shape of her jaw to the curve of her brows. If it had been a few thousand years earlier, Laura is sure she would've mistaken the dark haired girl as a Greek goddess.

But with Carmilla Karnstein, it's also hate at first talk.

Disregarding the fact that the term sounds terrible in her head, the moment Carmilla opens her mouth to say something snarky to Laura (on their first chemistry read nonetheless!), it shatters everything that Laura thought of Carmilla.

She's rude, sarcastic, and teases Laura way too much in the first ten minutes they spend together. By the end of it, Laura has gotten over her infatuation for Carmilla Karnstein.

No matter how pretty (and hot) Carmilla is, rudeness is definitely a turn off.

* * *

 

Laura doesn't expect to get along with Carmilla.

The broody girl gets on her nerves all the time. It's like Carmilla seeks her out with the sole purpose of annoying her, and Laura can't help but get annoyed.

The change happens one day when her uber passes by Carmilla who is walking towards set. She doesn't even think twice before asking her uber driver to stop, and then calling Carmilla to ride with her. The short ride with the broody actor isn't as awkward or hostile as Laura had thought it would be. Despite their differences, Carmilla turns out to be very intelligent and actually kind of nice. She gives Laura the sole blueberry muffin she had gotten for breakfast as thanks, and Laura ends up sharing her cookie stash willingly for the first time.

After that, their friendship just snowballs and next thing she knows, Carmilla has become Laura's best friend. They hang out, have sleepovers, and Laura develops a crush on Carmilla.

(Wait. _What?_ )

In Laura's defence, it's a bit of a long time coming. Carmilla is _so beautiful_ (she's mentioned this before) that it's not even funny. It's been her attitude that has prevented Laura from having a crush on the broody girl since day one, and when she finally looks past the snark and rudeness, Laura likes the person underneath and there really is no other choice but to fall.

_Hard._

It takes a month of working with Carmilla (rehearsing lines with Carmilla, hanging out with Carmilla, sleeping with Carmilla— _innocently!_ ) for Laura to be completely infatuated with her. But Laura—the outspoken, dedicated, go-getter Laura—is too afraid to do anything about it.

(That's right. Give Laura a fish god to kill and she'll charge at it with no hesitation, but put a pretty girl in front of her? She's running the other direction.)

Besides, Carmilla's only teasing her. She flirts with every girl on set, and the only thing that makes her special is the fact that she plays Carmilla's love interest. Carmilla ( _Ellia_ ) literally has to flirt with her ( _Amanda_ ). 

So she deals with it. But it's hard to stop herself from being so touchy. Plus, Carmilla's hugs are too nice to not get at every chance she has.

* * *

 

Somehow they become even closer.

Sleepovers are so common that Laura has at least two pairs of outfits and a toothbrush permanently beside Carmilla's at her place. It's the same with Carm in Laura's apartment, and Laura is not oblivious to the domesticity of it. Carm even gives Laura the key to her place (for breakfast reasons, she says), and Laura thinks that this is the closest thing to a relationship that they can get without actually being in a relationship.

(Laura reads fanfics like this, and it's hard not to think of the implications.)

Still, Laura takes it in stride. After everything she's learned about Carm (not a lot, but enough to know why Carm has been single since her girlfriend from high school, and to know about her three vows as an actor), Laura decides to let her choose whether to act on whatever they have or not.

(It's hard not to act, because it doesn't take long for Laura to realize that there may be some feelings on Carm's side as well, but Laura can be patient. And if there's anyone worth waiting for, it's Carmilla.)

So their little dance continues on, even as other _Silas University_ cast members tease her about it. It goes on even as they finish season 1 and they get cast in another show. But she doesn't pretend for one second that she doesn't like Carmilla. She doesn't lie when Elsie jokingly asks her about it, nor when she meets Will for the first time.

“Why haven't you asked her out yet?”

Laura's gaze shifts from Carmilla, who is heading back to the kitchen to get them more beer, to Will, who is sitting on the other end of Carm's sofa. She knows she's been caught, so she just smiles sheepishly and answers, “I'm sure you know of her three vows as an actor.”

Will snorts. “Yeah, it's pretty stupid if you ask me though. Why is that stopping you?”

“Because I know enough about her to know that she hasn't had much choice in her life,” Laura says, looking down at her hands on her lap as she recalls the little bits of childhood Carmilla has shared. “This is something she chose, maybe to protect herself, so I won't force her to do anything she's not ready to.”

“You know she likes you too,” Will smirks, so similarly to the way Carmilla does and Laura can't help but smile back.

“Unlike your 19th century born sister, I do have social media. I've seen too many gifs of our mutual heart eyes to think otherwise.”

“Ooh, I like you, Tiny.”

“Don't call me that, Willy Boy.”

* * *

 

“Your girlfriend is glaring at me again.” Danny whispers during a break between their takes.

Laura tries not to seem too obvious as she glances at Carmilla, and a smile breaks out of her face when she sees that the broody girl was indeed glaring daggers at her costar.

“You know she's not my girlfriend.” Laura tells her all the while still smiling.

“But you want her to be,” Danny teases, and Laura slaps her lightly on the arm. They laugh quietly, and Laura just knows that Carmilla has probably broken her highlighter at that point. Laura takes the newly dried shirt that is handed to her and quickly puts it on. It smells pretty bad, since the beer that is supposed to spill on her isn't actually beer, but it's one more take and they're done. But as Laura fixes her clothes, Danny speaks. “You know she wants that too, right?”

Laura pauses and glances at the girl they're talking about. Carmilla has moved on to glaring at Theo whilst the male actor smirks. Laura smiles a little, turning back to Danny as she replies, “She's not ready yet.”

Danny sends her a sympathetic glance.

Laura shakes her head. “I can wait. Besides, it's hard to complain when she tells me how she feels in every way except with words.”

Danny just nods, patting her squarely on the back. They go back to their positions as Mark calls ' _Ready on set!_ ', and with one last glance at Carmilla, she meets the dark haired girl's eyes and smiles.

Yep. Carmilla definitely tells her she cares all the time.

* * *

 

Jealousy is a funny thing because no matter how much your mind knows it's illogical, your gut still wrenches when jealousy finds you victim.

Which is why Laura is so irritated with herself for feeling jealous when Carmilla is shooting her first kiss scene with Jim.

She knows it's illogical. Carmilla is a _lesbian_ , and no amount of kissing is gonna make her attracted to men, but Laura can't help it. She doesn't even have a scene to shoot that day but she came anyway just so she could torture herself with the image of Carmilla kissing a guy.

_Bleh._

(It's ridiculous, she knows, and probably a bit masochistic. But jealousy has chosen Laura as a victim and she can't escape.)

What reassures her is the fact that the moment Mark called cut on the scene, Carmilla's first reaction is to push away from Jim and make exaggerated gagging noises. (It's typical cute Carmilla overreaction, and it makes Laura fall just a little bit deeper.) She even smiles at the scene until Jim looks at her meaningfully for a second, and then returning to Carmilla. She frowns as Carmilla glances her way as well, and she wonders what exactly Jim is telling the other girl.

It's no secret on _The Purgatory_ set what they feel about each other. Some of the staff and crew don't even believe them when they say they're not dating because apparently they are too obvious. But as much as Laura knows that's true, confronting Carmilla about said feelings will only pressure her to act on it, and Laura wants to avoid that as much as possible. She wants Carmilla to decide for herself, and to be ready when she actually makes her decision.

(Really, though, it seems like they always find the most meddlesome cast and crew to work with. It literally took them two days to pick up on it.)

Her worries are put to rest when Carmilla drags her to dinner after her final take with Jim, all the while complaining about Jim's itchy moustache.

* * *

 

Even though Laura has decided to wait for Carmilla to be ready, it doesn't mean that Laura doesn't enjoy it whenever Carm gets jealous. So she's especially looking forward to shooting her first make out scene with Danny. So of course, you wouldn't believe how disappointed she is when she sees Carmilla reading lines with Theo when they finished. 

“You guys look busy.” Laura says as she sits on the chair beside Carmilla. The annoying feeling of jealousy swimming in her belly once again. “I'm surprised you're reading lines with Theo instead of... _taking your catnap._ ” 

Carmilla just shrugs. “Well, I would be sleeping if dudebro over here didn't force me to read lines with him.”

“Sleeping, huh?” Theo smirks, and when he turns to Laura, there is this mischievous glint in his eyes. “Hey Laura, did you know that while you and Lawrence where doing the kissing scene, Vamprilla over here was— _ow!_ ” 

Laura blinks as her gaze shifts between the two. Carmilla smiles menacingly at Theo as he tries to soothe his shin. “What was that, Meat Head?” There is an obvious venom in her voice, and Laura presses her lips to stop herself from smiling.

Theo raises his hands in an act of surrender while Laura pretends to look confused. “Fine, fine. I'll just leave you two lovebirds alone.”

Laura just watches on with amusement as Carmilla's jaw drops. It seems like there's no reason for Laura to be disappointed after all. So instead, she asks, “What was he talking about, Carm?”

“Nothing,” Carmilla answers, smiling innocently. Laura tilts her head, knowing the broody actor is lying. “Wanna have lunch now?” Carmilla suggests, an obvious segue. “I've got another hour and a half before my scene with Captain Lee Shang over there.”

Laura smiles, but can't help adding “I'll go ask Danny to come with us! She's free right now too!” before running to get the redhead just to tease Carmilla.

It takes some time to convince Danny but she ends up coming anyway. Thankfully, the previous animosity that Carmilla usually sends Danny is gone, replaced by snarky but friendly quips. It seems like they've been friendlier with each other since they shot their scenes together (which is a big chunk of an episode), and Laura wonders what exactly happened to them. But for now, she's just glad both her on-screen love interests are getting along.

(She silently thinks that she'd rather have a certain broody one of them to be her real life love interest.)

* * *

 

_Amellia_ is a common topic in _SilasU_ panels. Laura couldn't be more thankful of the supports from the fans, and she loves hearing how much they can relate to _Amellia_. So as role models, Laura and Carmilla have always been vocal of the fact that they're lesbians, and it's something that fans loved even more about them.

Queer ladies acting as queer ladies. The industry definitely needs more of that.

But of course, it brings up a whole other topic of whether they're dating or not.

While Laura is happy that the chemistry between her and Carmilla are so strong that people actually speculate that they are, it's still a bit disappointing that they're not exempted to those kinds of speculations.

(The fact that Laura actually wants to date Carmilla is irrelevant in this situation.)

The disappointed ' _Aws_ ' of the audience when Carmilla loudly announces that they're not dating is amusing at best, but the brunette's words still made her heart clench. Laura quickly follows up, saying how alike their relationship is with _Amellia_.

“Everyone here can testify that Carm and I _could not_ stand each other at the beginning.” Laura shares during the panel with Carmilla smirking beside her. “She annoyed me all the time.”

“To be fair, she still annoys you,” Elsie comments, followed by laughter from the audience.

“That is true,” Laura gleefully agrees. “And I think our chemistry is more like that, you know? Like the passionate anger type.”

“It has led to a lot of improvised scenes.” Carmilla adds. “We're a lot like our characters.”

Laura giggles at Carmilla's suggestive wiggling of eyebrows while the crowd cheers.

As the panel reaches its end, another fan goes up to the mic and asks about _Amellia_. “Did _Amellia_ bang after the ending of season 1?”

A certain fanfic with a matching fanart instantly comes to Laura's mind. She also remembers that she's sent Carmilla that fanfic, mostly because the writing was truly amazing and not just the smut. (PWP is nice and all but Laura finds the existence of feelings less awkward when reading fan made stories of their characters.) She doesn't send the fanart though, because that piece is…

_Wow._

Laura can do nothing but cover her reddening face with her hands as she giggles madly, embarrassed at herself for thinking something like that.

Of course, as if Carmilla can read her mind, she says, “According to fanfics, yes.”

It went on until Laura is thoroughly blushing after talking about the unnecessary topic of _Amellia sex life_. And while Laura would love _Amellia_ to be more physical with their relationship, the fact that _Amanda_ and _Ellia_ had her and Carmilla's faces doesn't help subdue her imagination.

(Laura is almost sad that her character has more game than her, what with _Amanda_ getting a girl as beautiful as _Ellia_.)

(At least _Hollstein_ is a thing now too.)

* * *

 

“Hey Carm, Will told m— _holy Hufflepuff_!”

Seeing Carmilla kiss someone (a _guy_ someone) while acting already elicits irrational feelings from her, but seeing Carmilla kiss someone ( _a guy someone!_ ) _outside_ acting just shuts her down. She probably spends several seconds gaping like a fish and stuttering like a fool, because _she totally just saw Carmilla and Theo making out._

(Laura mentally strangles Will for sending her to find Carmilla. She's sure she's scarred for life.)

But then, Carmilla grins at her, so brightly, and Laura is speechless for a whole other reason. “Your timing was perfect!” Carmilla says, taking her hand, “ _Henry_ was supposed to interrupt us at just that moment. Fratboy and I are going to nail our scene, and we're gonna give you and the Giantess a run for your money.”

Laura blinks, her mind finally processing this information. “Wait... you were rehearsing? The kissing scene?” she asks incredulously, her eyes immediately darting to Theo who is now sitting on one of the chairs.

Theo points to Carmilla almost defensively. “It was her idea.”

The jealousy boils in her stomach once again. “Oh.”

_Carmilla_ had suggested kissing rehearsal.

_Carmilla_ had suggested kissing _Theo_ for rehearsal.

_Carmilla_ had suggested kissing _Theo_ for rehearsal, but didn't ask Laura with _their_ kissing scene as _Amellia_.

_Don't be jealous. Carmilla is a lesbian. I'm sure Carmilla liked kissing me better than Theo. Carmilla is a lesbian. Carmilla doesn't like guys. Carmilla is a lesbian._

_She's a lesbian. She's a lesbian. She's a lesbian._

“I didn't know you like rehearsing kissing scenes. If I did, I would've offered when we were shooting the _Amellia_ kiss.” Yes, perfect. Nudge Carmilla playfully as if Laura is joking. That's a good way to hide her jealousy over _kissing rehearsals_.

Carmilla rolls her eyes playfully in response. “I _don't._ Plus, I don't think our kissing scene would've been as amazing as it was if we had rehearsed it...”

Laura zeroes in on Carmilla's words, the rest of it falling to deaf ears. Carmilla has just said that their kissing scene was amazing. _Their_ kissing scene.

_Carmilla liked kissing Laura enough that she says it's amazing._

Laura can't stop grinning like an idiot after that. The green eyes she's having immediately vanishes, replaced by something that feels more like heart eyes. She hears Carmilla saying, rather loudly, “Still a lesbian, Straka!” and the irony of it all just cracks her up.

She laughs, and silently, she decides that the next kissing scene she has with Carmilla will be more amazing than the last time.

* * *

 

Laura doesn't hate a lot of people.

Even so, she knows with certainty that she hates Ell even before she meets the girl.

So when she does meet the devil's right hand (the actual devil being Carm's mother), there is a sudden feeling of hatred in her that made her want to introduce her fist to Ell's face.

Only the feeling of Carmilla tensing beside her takes her out of her anger. Instead, she forces herself to calm down (thank you yoga), taking Carm's hand in an attempt to reassure her.

Welp, how fitting is it that Ell is going to be her (kind of) love rival in _Silas University_?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little something for all the Supergirl fans like me because wew, whether you watch this week's episode or not, you're gonna need something. Also because The Reigning Monarch updated last week :DDD No, I am not on a strike. I just meant that art inspires art, so the more fanfic updates there are, the more inspired writers (I) will be :))) so don't stop writing!
> 
> This feels like a filler chapter too XD but hey, some additional info about Laura and her feelings ;)
> 
> Also, I'm planning on adding whole scenes of SilasU in future chapters, like, actual TV series scene from SilasU so they would be addressed as Amanda and Ellia, and not Laura and Carmilla. Did you know that I have the outline for the whole plot of SilasU season 2? yep. not just Amellia but almost everyone. Hahaha i am too invested in Amellia
> 
> so i've decided that there are gonna be chapters like this, Laura's POV, every several chapters just to see Laura's perspective on things. so... yay? and i probably should proofread this again but i'm lazy XD
> 
> and now I shall watch the Hollstein panel for the tenth time. i'll see everyone next time :)))


	9. Where We Reveal Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One not fun secret, and one fun secret. It's not as serious as you think.

**Chapter IX: Where We Reveal Secrets**

In between shooting _Silas University_ , Carmilla and Laura also has to go on _The Purgatory_ panels and interviews. Seeing the cast again is great, and even though Carmilla refuses to admit it, she's even happy to see Danny of all people. Of course, seeing them again means Theo, her ever so reliable sarcastic soulmate, is also there to irritate her into oblivion.

(She says that in the most loving way possible.)

Their first interview is for a morning show, and the main ensemble is there which of course includes Carmilla, Laura, Theo, Danny and Jim. The host asks them the usual questions, about their characters, their experiences on set, and what else to expect from _The Purgatory_. Of course, having reached the middle of the season, the pairings are also becoming quite evident.

“So Carmilla, personally, which one of these two handsome men are you gonna choose for your character?” the female host asks.

Carmilla doesn't miss a beat when she answers. “ _Fiona_.”

Jim and Danny laugh. Theo high fives her, remarking how smooth she is. Laura just looks down, hiding her reddening cheeks with her hands even with the embarrassed smile on her face. Even the host joins in, laughing lightly at her answer.

“But to be serious,” Carmilla continues when the laughing had subsided. She looks at the camera and says, “ _The Purgatory_ airs every Monday at 9 pm, eastern standard time.”

“No spoilers,” Theo winks as the others laugh, “Although we are allowed to say that there's gonna be a new character soon, and they're going to affect _Vivian_ and the others greatly.”

After a few more questions, the interview finishes, and they all decide to head to a restaurant the Danny had suggested to eat dinner. Apparently, she eats there a lot, seeing that all the waitresses and the owner herself knew Danny, and they were graciously given free dessert. (Laura was the most excited about that news which comes with no surprise.)

“Soooooo any info about _SilasU_ that you can tell a friend who is also a big fan of the show?” Danny says, smiling innocently at both Carmilla and Laura who (unsurprisingly) are sitting next to each other.

The two actors trade glances, before Larura answers. “Shit hits the fan.”

Danny's eyes widen in horror, and the others laugh lightly. Even Carmilla smirks. “Wait, which fan, _Silas_ in general or _Amellia_?”

It's Carmilla who answers. “Yes.”

Okay, so maybe the Ginger Giant has grown on Carmilla. Sue her. It's not her fault that she and Lawrence have the same excellent tastes in literature.

* * *

 

_“Ellia?”_

_Ellia's eyes widens as Amanda steps in from behind Tyler. She is standing in an instant, but didn't take a step forward. “Amanda?”_

_Amanda launches herself at Ellia, and the dark haired girl can do nothing but embrace Amanda as closely as she physically could. It has been weeks since they had last seen each other, with Amanda joining Rebecca on her missions and Ellia being kept in this dungeon like basement due to Simone's orders. It may have been close to three months since they broke up, but the need for each other is still there. At that point, neither cares what had happened between them. All that matters is that they're together now. Finally._

_Simone watches from the side while Tyler smiles at the scene._

_Ellia is the first to let go, her eyes filled with questions, but she doesn't let Amanda go too far. She keeps her arms around Amanda's waist and their foreheads connected as she asks, “How?”_

_Amanda just smiles brightly. “Tyler told me everything and led me down here.” She brushes a lock of hair from Ellia's shocked face, shaking her head, “I know about the curse, and I don't care, Ells. I know you want to just lone wolf this but I'm here for you. I'm not gonna leave you.”_

_“But...”_

_Amanda shakes her head, cutting Ellia off. “No buts. We're gonna get through this. Together.”_

_Ellia smiles, but just before she can talk more, she yelps, pushing Amanda away as she crumpled on the floor. Simone is at her side in a second, carrying the mix of herbs that Ellia had been using in a small bowl. Ellia continues to groan in pain while Amanda looks on helplessly._

_“Is it happening? Is she getting possessed again?” Amanda frantically asks. “Simone, tell me what I can do!”_

_Simone struggles with Ellia, grunting, “Try to restrain her. I need her to ingest this medicine to end it.”_

_“I'll help,” Tyler says._

_Together, Tyler and Amanda try to hold Ellia's limbs, but she's suddenly much stronger than normal, throwing the two off to the side. Tyler hits his back on the wall, and Amanda crashes onto a table, knocking it over. Ellia continues to convulse, a dark aura beginning to show around her._

_Simone curses. “Dammit! She has to take this now!”_

_Tyler and Amanda springs to action once again, this time making sure that Ellia is properly held down. Simone tries to make Ellia ingest the herbs while she's trashing around, but they end up wasted when Ellia wouldn't stop moving long enough for Simone to give it to her._

_“No other choice then,” Simone huffs, putting what remains of the herbs into her mouth. She grabs Ellia's face with both hands and puts her mouth against Ellia's, giving the herbs orally._

_Amanda freezes at the sight._

_After a moment, Simone pushes back from Ellia and her body falls limp. Tyler helps Simone put the dark haired girl back on the bed as Amanda continues to watch on. Simone delicately brushes the strays of hair that had fallen onto Ellia's face during the struggle, and it makes Amanda's stomach clench._

_She knows that look. She's seen it on her face too many times when she had been with Ellia._

_Simone looks at Amanda with a slight frown. “While I'm sure Ellia appreciates your visit, I'd like to suggest for this to never happen again. She needs to concentrate if she's ever going to learn to resist the possessions.”_

_Amanda stutters. “I-I'm sorry, but I just—”_

_“She just wanted to help, Simone,” Tyler speaks up. “And she helped us restrain Ellia earlier.”_

_“She wouldn't have needed restraining, because she knows how to suppress it.” Simone bites back. “She's been able to sense the possession for a while now. She knows when she has to take the remedies even before it comes. All you did was offer distractions that she completely missed the signs. She couldn't even fight back this time!”_

_“But you can't just—”_

_“Tyler,” Amanda stops him, putting a hand on his arm. She doesn't meet Simone's eyes as she says, “I'm sorry for bothering you. I won't come again.” She turns around and heads for the exit._

_Tyler follows closely. “Wait, Amanda.”_

_Amanda stops, looking behind her to gaze at Ellia's form one more time. She then meets Simone's eyes and says, “Keep her safe.”_

_Amanda goes, leaving the love of her life in someone else's more capable hands._

* * *

 

_'Just keep it together.'_

It's the last take of Carmilla and Ell's last scene for the day. They had filmed their scene with Dillon and Laura almost an hour ago, and Carmilla has never felt so exhausted.

_'One last take.'_

Carmilla tries to breathe evenly as the rising anxiety stirs in her chest. She tries to remember the breathing exercises that Laura had taught her in one occasion that she agreed to do yoga. It helps a little with her shaking hands, but it doesn't settle her nerves.

She hates this scene. It's the first solid clue of what _Simone_ 's true nature is. But the scene, what happens between _Ellia_ and _Simone, it reminds Carmilla too much of what used to happen to her and Ell a long time ago._

_('I love you, Milla.')_

So much for facing her own fears.

Spencer calls _'Ready on set!'_ and Carmilla lies down on the bed again. She tries not to think about Ell, and how she's too close to her for comfort.

When action is called, Carmilla springs up awake. Ell is immediately at her side, pushing her back down gently whilst murmuring soothing words.

“Where are they?” Carmilla rasps. “Where's Amanda?”

Ell looks at her sadly. “She's gone. She had to be taken out here so she could be taken care of.”

_('He's gone.')_

Carmilla looks at her in horror. “What do you mean?” she asks quietly. Ell merely avoids her gaze. “Tell me, _what happened to her_?”

_('Will left you, Carmilla. They both did.')_

“You got possessed again, Ellia,” Ell explains gently, “And Amanda tried to help by restraining you. You were too strong and...”

_('They don't love you.')_

Carmilla shakes her head, trying to get rid of the image in her head. “No.” Her gaze shifts around the room, seeing the fallen table and the shards from the broken glasses that littered the floor. Her eyes begin to water as she continues to survey the place. “Oh god, please, no.”

_('No one does.')_

Her chest constricts in a way that she hasn't felt in years. She doesn't know where she is, or what's happening. All she knows is the fear and pain as she gasps through her tears. She tries to keep quiet with her sobs, covering her face with her hands.

Ell sets her hand gently on Carmilla's thigh, and she's lost. “I'm sorry, Ellia.”

_('I'm the only one who could love you, Milla.')_

…

…

…

It feels like being submerged underwater. There's a white noise inside her ears as flashes of her past overwhelms her to the point like she's actually back to that horrible moment. Back when she's just a kid, weak and unable to fight against her mother.

Back when she's with Ell.

But through the silence of the water, a faint voice breaks through the white noise.

_Carm..._

She begins to realize that her hand is warm, much more comfortable than the rest of her body. She focuses on the voice, her surroundings making much more sense as she does.

“Carm?”

Slowly, she realizes that she's still on set, and remembers what had happened.

Her breath is still uneven, but she can feel her lungs expand and contract with every inhale and exhale. Her eyes sting, and her cheeks are wet. But the most important detail is the worried face looking at her.

“Carm,” Laura calls out softly, and, _oh_ , she's holding Carmilla's hand. “Are you back with me?”

There's a lump in Carmilla's throat that stops her from speaking so she nods instead. As she begins to look around her, she can see that most of the staff and crew still on set are looking at her with the same worried expressions but a good two meters away from them.

“Can you stand?” Laura asks, and Carmilla just nods again before pushing herself up from the bed she'd been lying on.

Everyone seems to let out a sigh of relief, sending her brief encouraging smiles before they pack up the equipments for the day. Carmilla happily notes that Ell is nowhere to be found, but is less than thrilled to see that Perry and Spencer are still hovering around her.

They make their way outside the hall and inside the temporary production office. She is immediately seated down on a (very nice) chair and is fretted over by Perry. Spencer asks her how she's feeling in very detailed ways, obviously assessing whether her panic attack is truly over. Laura just stays beside her, never letting go of her hand.

Once there's a mug of hot chocolate in her hand and her breathing has evened out, Perry wastes no time to inquire, “Carmilla, do you know what triggered you?”

Carmilla looks at the two in front of her. “It's just probably the stress from all the scenes today. I'm fine. It's nothi—”

“No, it's not, Carm!” Laura cuts in, the grip in Carmilla's hand becoming tighter. “You do not get to downplay this. You just had a flipping _panic attack_. I'm not gonna let you do this to yourself.”

Carmilla's jaw clenches. “Since when is your opinion of any importance in my life?”

There was a flash of hurt on Laura's face, but Carmilla is too angry to care. Laura's face bunches up in anger, an expression Carmilla has not seen on Laura's face since they have become friends. “Since you started taking more care of your pride than yourself.”

Spencer tries to intervene. “Alright, that's en—”

“So what, you're gonna decide for me?” Carmilla challenges. Spencer continues to try and stop them but his voice is muted in Carmilla's ears. She snatches her hand back from Laura, standing up just so she could look down at the blonde. “Oh, poor Carmilla, she doesn't know what's good for her. She probably shouldn't make choices of her own.”

Laura stands as well, their intense gazes matching. “This has been going on for weeks now, and I have kept my mouth shut the whole time because I know how personal this is for you.” Laura is gesticulating wildly in true Laura-fashion. “All I asked is for you to let me help when you need it, but all you've done is lone wolf this issue. You don't have to do everything on your own.”

“I am _not a child_.” Carmilla growls. “I can handle myself.”

“I'm not saying you can't!”

“Right. That's why you're making decisions for me.” Carmilla steps away, unable to stand being so close to Laura at the moment. Laura merely follows her.

“I'm not making you do anything!” Laura throws her hands in the air, frustration leaking out from her movements as she runs a hand through her hair. “I'm just asking you to muster up a little bit of self-preservation because you've been flinging yourself at this Ell issue with your head up your butt.”

Carmilla lets out a sarcastic laugh. Whether it's a passive aggressive response to Laura's words or the fact that the blonde _still_ refuses to curse, she's not sure. “So you're saying I can't handle myself with Ell.”

Laura groans. “I didn't say that!”

“You were implying it!”

“You have been trying to prove to everyone that she can't control you anymore, but Carm, you don't have to prove anything.” Laura says in a surprisingly gentle voice. It stops Carmilla from pacing, making her look back at the blonde who's face showed nothing but concern. “Mattie, Will and I, we already know how strong you are. And yeah, you might not need our help, but we want to.” Laura closes the distance between them, and Carmilla couldn't find it in herself to move away. The blonde takes Carmilla's hands in hers as she continues. “If I could help prevent what happened earlier from happening again, I'd do it in a heartbeat.”

Carmilla looks down at their joined hands. Laura sounds so genuinely scared when she talks that it drained all the fight Carmilla has in her. So instead, she intertwines their fingers, hoping Laura understands.

“How did you know what was happening to me?” Carmilla asks quietly, he eyes still trained on their hands.

“I used to have them when I was little, after my mom… died.” Laura's voice trembles at the end. Carmilla has known about Laura's mother, not in great detail, but enough to know that she died when Laura was four. Carmilla squeezes Laura's hand as she continues. “I know the signs, and I know your process during filming. When you stopped being responsive after Spencer called cut, I just knew something was wrong.”

“And you got Ell to go.”

Laura shrugs. “It was the first thing I did, after checking on you of course. I'm pretty sure everyone on set knows I don't like Ell at this point.”

Carmilla's mouth twitches a little at the thought of Laura shouting at Ell. “I'm sorry. I'm not used to relying on people. There were only three people I trust enough to do that.”

Laura meets her eyes. “Were?”

“I guess I have to get used to it being four now.” They smile at each other for a moment, before Carmilla brings up a hand to brush a strand of blonde hair on Laura's face, her brows crinkling lightly. “Are you alright?”

Laura lets out a gust of laughter. “I'm the one who should be asking that.”

“I'm okay now. You really saved me earlier.” She reassures, “How about you? I know witnessing it is almost as bad as experiencing it.”

Laura frowns at her at this. “There's no way that's true. I know it was horrible for you so don't try to hide it.”

Carmilla rolls her eyes. “And I'm not trying to deny it. I just wanted to know how you were.”

Laura bites her lip, hesitating for a second before answering. “I was terrified. I couldn't do anything but watch you and I just… watching you hurt like that, it felt like I couldn't breathe.”

Carmilla looks at her and thinks...

_Wow, Carmilla really wants to kiss her._

Carmilla resists though, because, after all the emotional shit they had just gone through, it definitely isn't the right time.

So instead, she purses her lips and says. “Well… that made two of us.”

Laura slaps her arm lightly, but with the obvious intent to reprimand. Carmilla yelps a little, rubbing her arm dramatically. Laura is almost pouting as she speaks. “Stop joking about it. This is serious.”

Carmilla shrugs, smirking. “You know I always retreat to sarcasm and inappropriate jokes when I'm feeling vulnerable.”

* * *

 

As it turns out, Spencer and Perry had left them alone when they started arguing. They both let Carmilla and Laura go home, but not after making the actors promise that they will discuss the whole fiasco the next day.

It has been a long day, and Carmilla thanked whatever deity is out there for delaying the topic of her evil ex. Laura refuses to let Carmilla out of her sight though, and Carmilla doesn't really want to be alone (even though she'd never admit that out loud).

They go back to Carmilla's apartment only to find the door unlocked. They both stop, trading alarmed glances.

They argue for a few moments on who should go in first, but being the stubborn people they both are, they agree on going in together armed with Laura's paranoid father's original recipe bear spray each. They don't find anyone when they go in, both the kitchen and the living room devoid of anyone. Laura then suggests they split up, with Carmilla heading for her room while Laura checks on the bathroom.

They both maneuver around the mess that is Carmilla's apartment separately. When Carmilla reaches her bedroom door, she quietly opens it and looks around, finding nothing. But before she can even go one more step into the bedroom, there is a pair of screams that suddenly came from where Laura should be. It immediately devolves into a single voice, now screaming of pain.

Carmilla quickly made her way to the bathroom, only to find Laura with her can of bear spray up in one hand, and her best friend with their eyes shut and screaming in pain.

Carmilla couldn't say anything except, “What the hell?”

Laura snaps her attention to Carmilla, blocking the brunette with her own body and still poised offensively. “Carm! I found the intruder!”

Carmilla looks back at her best friend, who is _still_ screaming in pain. “Laf?”

“Carmilla!” Laf calls out, blindly looking for the brunette with an outstretched arm. Carmilla easily pushes through Laura to grab their arm. “Oh thank heavens. That is definitely not pepper spray! It is much more painful, and I would be really interested in the chemical formula of that spray, but _oh lord I think my eyes are melting_!”

Carmilla turns to Laura, who is still shell-shocked by the bathroom door. “Cupcake, did your dad tell you how to wash his bear spray off in case you accidentally sprayed yourself?”

“ _Bear spray?!_ ”

Laura nods. “Yeah. I'll go get the milk and the no tears shampoo ready.”

It takes them almost half an hour to help Laf wash off the bear spray and remedy its effects. By the end of it, Laf's eyes are still red and teary, but at least they aren't in pain anymore.

Laura apologizes probably a thousand times, and true to Laf fashion, they just shrug it off, asking about Mr. Hollis's own recipe.

“So why are you here, Laf?” Carmilla interrupts before Laf can go into a science rant. “I thought you said you won't be done with your conventions for a few more months.”

“What, I can't visit my best friend whom I haven't seen for more than a year?” Laf smirks, nudging the brunette, “By the way, you got my present, right?”

Carmilla rolls her eyes. “Yes. And you got yours?”

“I stayed an extra two days in Singapore but I got to use the university's tech. Totally worth the present.”

“And you still haven't answered my question.”

“I told you I missed my broody vampire best friend!” Laf grins widely and Carmilla merely glares back. They shrink at her sharp look. “Alright. I saw the news about Ell. You didn't even tell me.”

Carmilla sighs. “Look, it's been a long day, and you're probably jet lagged. Can we talk about this tomorrow?”

Laf purses their lips. “Fine. But I'm going to set with you tomorrow.” Carmilla just rolls her eyes whole Laf turns to Laura who has been quiet the whole exchange. “It was really nice meeting you, Laura, despite the excruciating pain you've subjected me to.”

Laura smiles sheepishly, shaking Laf's outstretched hand. “Right. Sorry again.”

“Like I said, no permanent harm done.” They move towards the storage room that Laura hasn't even seen the inside of and opened it, asking loudly, “You bought me a new mattress, right Vamprilla?”

“Yeah, but I'm not sharing my pillows!”

Laf lets out a loud 'Challenge Accepted!' and Carmilla just shakes her head, grinning lightly. She looks up when Laura suddenly stands up from her seat beside Carmilla and grabbing her backpack from the floor.

“I should go home.” Laura says with a forced smile.

Carmilla frowns. “Why? I thought you were going to sleep over.”

“Well… don't you want to spend time with your best friend?”

Carmilla takes the bag from Laura's hands, bringing it with her as she made her way to her bedroom. “Lafrankentien has their own room, and they aren't really much company if they're asleep.” Carmilla deposits Laura's bag at her bedside table and turns around to see Laura still hesitating. She rolls her eyes playfully before pulling Laura in and shutting her door. “There. Now let's go to sleep.”

Laura offers a smile before she grabs her sleepwear from Carmilla's drawer.

They're already settled in Carmilla's bed, cuddled like normal when Laura finally says.

“Your best friend is Laf from _LaFilphormes_.”

Carmilla tries to hide her smile against Laura's hair. “I know.”

Laura grumbles. “We're talking about you hiding that your best friend is a famous youtuber tomorrow.”

Carmilla just hums.

* * *

 

Apparently, shipping is an avoidable topic during panels. This becomes more apparent to Carmilla when _The Purgatory_ gets their first panel at FanExpo and is asked _'Which ship from the show is your otp?'_.

After several moments of confusion (and Carmilla thinking that _otp_ means _optical target path_ ), Laura, and surprisingly Danny, are able to explain the concept coherently enough that the others understand what the question means.

Theo had managed to change their seating arrangement one way or another during the panel, shifting Jim and himself to the right so that Laura can sit right beside Carmilla. So when they answer the question starting from the right, their answers are a bit mixed up.

Danny answers first. “ _Hallmantt_ , obviously.” It's followed by a roar of agreement from the crowd.

Jim, who is still clueless about ships and shipnames, says, “The one with Fiona and Rachel?” the fans screams _'Hallmantt!'_ and he just nods. “ _Hallmantt_. That too.”

Theo, and his smirking face, answers, “ _Hall **mand**_ , as in Fiona and Vivian.”

Laura laughs beside Carmilla while a smaller but louder crowd screams their agreement. Carmilla reaches out a hand to Theo and they fist bump in front of Laura.

Laura comes up next, grinning at the two men to her right. “Jim and Theo's ship. What's that called?” There's a mixture of laughter and the word _'HenDrew'_ from the audience, and Laura just nods at it. “Yes, that. _Hendrew_ all the way.”

Finally, Carmilla answers. “ _Hollstein._ ”

The loudest roar of agreement comes about as Carmilla winks. Even Danny, Jim and Theo cheer along while Laura nudges her playfully. She pretends to be surprised that _Hollstein_ isn't a valid answer and settles for _Drewvian_ (or _Felthom_ , the fandom hasn't reached a consensus).

For a first panel, Carmilla thinks it's a success.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all, this chapter is like 1k words longer than the other chapters so you're welcome XD
> 
> secondly, what did you guys think about the SilasU scene? It definitely minimized the amount of words that i needed to use to be able to show a more complete scene. I think I'll do this more in the future. The scenes won't be in order though XD because the scene right here is like... if season 2 is 14 eps that's episode 10
> 
> Also timelines are weird! in my head it's been.... around 19 or 20 months since chapter 1 but i don't know shooting schedules!!! :DDD let's just say SilasU was a low budget show in season 1 so they really shot like hell XD
> 
> lastly, please forgive me for any incorrect details about panic attacks and stuff. I tried to write as closely as I can to what i've researched but it's the internet. you can never be sure
> 
> if you forget the characters:  
> Elsie - Rebecca; Dillon - Tyler; Ell - Simone
> 
> alright. on a completely unrelated note WESTALLEN <3 <3 <3 I cannot comprehend my love for this ship. I don't even watch The Flash XD  
> now let's boycott Supergirl until manguel is sent back to the Phantom Zone.


	10. Make Room for Laf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter with Laf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not an April Fools post. I have nothing against April Fools but I don't celebrate it so please don't leave joke comments. I always value each of your comments. Thanks!

**Chapter X:** **Make Room for Laf**

There will always be interviewers that are disrespectful. So far, with _SilasU_ , she hasn't met one especially since it's a show specifically aimed to LGBTQIA community. Dillon's character, _Tyler_ , is canonically asexual, Elsie's character, _Rebecca_ , is bisexual, _Rebecca_ 's love interest, _Tracey_ , was a trans girl, and both _Amanda_ and _Ellia_ are lesbians. This means that the type of interviews they go to are very supportive of that community, and in turn, knows not to disrespect any of the cast and crew.

 _The Purgatory_ , despite the _Hallmantt_ ship, is still pretty much primarily a hetero-story. Sure, it empowers women because _Vivian_ is a well-rounded, ass-kicking character and so are the other female main characters, but the fact that the other characters are still overwhelmingly straight (as far as Carmilla knows) means that the Heteros TM still have this weird claim on the show.

(Something along the lines of the main hero not being allowed to be gay. It annoys Carmilla to death but knowing that _she_ plays the main character makes her want to say _'in your face!'_ to every homophobe out there.)

Jason from Fridays with Jason is one of these the HeterosTM.

It's just Carmilla and Theo in this live interview. Danny is shooting a film outside the country, Jim is on vacation with his family, and Laura is in the midst of shooting a scene for _SilasU_. Carmilla hates the fact that there are less and less _Amellia_ scenes because it entails less time she and Laura can spend together during shoots. They still show up on set just to give each other moral support, but this is one of the instances that Carmilla has no choice in the matter.

The interview starts like normal. Jason asks them about the show and what's been happening as well as what to expect. But when they get to the part of the romance between _Vivian_ and _Drew_ , Jason emphasizes the development between the two actors' characters, not even having the decency of being subtle about asking about their relationship.

It's almost comical how she and Theo traded incredulous glances before Carmilla reiterates that she's a lesbian, and that acting wouldn't change her sexuality. Of course, Jason seems to be stupider than the other interviewers that they've met, and questions Carmilla's ability to create chemistry with a man since she's a lesbian.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Have you watched the show at all?” Theo blurts out, a deep frown on his face.

Friday the 13th seems surprised at his outburst. “I'm just stating that the fact that Carmilla here is not attracted to men should make it hard to create a believable chemistry with a man.”

Theo seems ready to punch the guy when Carmilla stops him by putting a hand on his arm. She then calmly looks back at the stupid interviewer and says, “My sexuality does not limit the characters I can play nor does it affect my acting skills. Also if we go by your vacuous logic, straight people should not be playing gay characters either, and yet that still prevails currently in the industry.”

“Yes, but—”

“Karnstein is a great actor, and one of the most dedicated I have ever met,” Theo interrupts with a dangerous smile. “And if you actually watch _The Purgatory_ , you'll know that the chemistry between _Vivian_ with her potential love interests are much better than other forced heteronormative pairings that plagues television right now.” Without missing a beat, Theo straightens up, looking straight at the camera with his trademark charming smirk. “Now I believe it's time for a commercial, don't you think, Miss Karnstein?”

Carmilla just smirks back and follows his lead. “I believe so, Mr. Straka.” She turns to the camera and says, “We won't be here after the commercial, but Jason's Friday the 13th will be right back.”

Theo stage whispers. “It's Fridays with Jason.”

Carmilla responds in kind. “Really?”

…

The director immediately apologizes to both of them because he failed at screening the host's questions before approving them. Theo and Carmilla both just shrug, knowing that the interview was live and that there's nothing they can do about it. They offer a bigger payment to the actors, but they decline, preferring to just leave as soon as they can.

They easily find a place to change into casual clothes so they can eat at a normal restaurant, but before they can even decide where to have dinner together, Carmilla's phone is already bursting with messages and missed calls from Laura and other notifications. She quickly sends a text to Laura saying that she's fine and that she's eating with Theo before heading into a Chinese restaurant. Some people stare at them, obviously recognizing them but no one comes up to them, something Carmilla is thankful for.

“You know you didn't have to come to my rescue in that interview,” Carmilla tells Theo as they wait for their orders, “I can take care of myself.”

“I know that, and I did let you,” Theo smirks again, but this one is more friendly, “But I know you really wanted to humiliate him, and if it had been you, there'd be a scandal with your name by tomorrow. Since I did it, the news would be more fair and they'll point out the fact that his bigotry is showing instead.”

Carmilla rolls her eyes at the wink he gives her.

(She'd never admit that she appreciates what he did.)

* * *

 

Carmilla wakes up that day only to find her best friend and her best-friend-but-I-want-to-be-more-than-friends-with friend engaged in a conversation about the secret recipe of Laura's dad's bear spray (all organic, apparently) and Laf's youtube channel while competing to make the best pancake art with squeeze bottles.

(Laura, unsurprisingly, makes a TARDIS, while Lafonbrain makes a disturbingly accurate illustration of the human nervous system.)

The three of them head out to set for Laura's 8 am shoot, and Carmilla's inevitable conversation with Perry and Spencer. Ell is thankfully not there yet and, if they're lucky, won't be there until her shoot after lunch.

It's after Laura leaves them to go to make-up does Carmilla tell Laf what had happened the previous day, and how she had managed to get herself into the situation.

“So you're telling me that you kept your history with Ell to yourself because you want to see how far you can stretch before you snap? And if yesterday was any indication, you did?” they say, ever so bluntly.

“I mean,” Carmilla crosses her arms, stuttering to find a retort to that. It's always been Laf's specialty—being unfalteringly blunt. “You make it sound stupider than it is.”

Lafontaine rubs their temples. “Okay, forget that. What precautions have you and your bosses agreed on to prevent that thing yesterday from ever happening again?”

“We uh… haven't?”

Laf gives her an incredulous look. “And your girlfriend is okay with that?”

“Well, she's—” Carmilla stops, “Wait, w-what girlfriend?”

“Laura Hollis? Aka the _Amanda_ to your _Ellia_?”

“Whoa there, we're not—Laura is not—”

“Uh-huh. Sure.”

She is saved by the bell when Spencer calls her. “Carmilla.” He's in the doorway of Perry's office where the producer is obviously currently in. “A word, please.”

Okay, scratch that. She isn't saved at all.

* * *

 

With Laf by her side, she explains everything to Spencer and Perry (leaving out the worse details that she'd rather not recall). Laf is there to give their input whenever they think Carmilla's downplaying something that should not be downplayed, and by the end of it, the director and the producer are both angry, worried and are seriously considering rewriting the rest of the script just to minimize Carmilla's interaction with Ell. Laf even put their two cents in and jokingly suggests that they could just recast _Simone_ , something that Spencer and Perry seem to seriously consider, until Carmilla stops them.

“You are not changing anything just to accommodate me,” Carmilla states, glaring at the three conspiring people, “I get that you're mad I didn't tell you earlier, but this is precisely the situation I wanted to avoid. I don't need special treatment, so don't treat me like I'm a baby that needs special needs!”

“We're not _giving_ you special treatment, Carmilla,” Spencer replies calmly at her outburst, “We're just being what we've been since the first day of _SilasU—_ a family. And we take care of family.”

Carmilla is touched, she really is, because that's exactly what _SilasU_ have been for her. Not to mention, the director is something akin to a big brother to her. But this is something she won't budge from. “I know, and I appreciate it. But I need to do this.” She looks at her director and her producer with pleading eyes. “This can't be the last time I work with her, and honestly, I probably won't ever feel as safe as I am in this production to be able to face her like this again.”

Spencer looks conflicted. Perry is still worried but seems to consider her words. Laf just shrugs in agreement, having known from the start that Carmilla won't be convinced.

After a moment of silence, it's Perry who gives in first. “Alright, sweetie. We won't tell anyone else, and we're not changing the scripts or firing Ell.” Carmilla sighs in relief, but Perry adds. “I do want a compromise though, because as much faith as we have in you, we'd rather not have… _that_ happening again—because I already have half a mind made up to actually filing a restraining order.”

Carmilla groans. Laf and Spencer actually snickers a little.

“Now, now, Carmilla. It's nothing big. I just want to rearrange your schedules so that you won't have to spend more time with Ell on set than necessary. And maybe try to match up your schedule with Laura more since she seems to know what to do during _difficult_ scenarios. It's not much, seeing as we're only a few weeks before wrapping season 2, but hopefully, that'll help.”

“That...” A smile creeps up Carmilla's face. “That actually sounds amazing. Thanks.”

“Alright,” Spencer straightens up, “Now that that's settled, Laura should be done with make-up and wardrobe by now. You're welcome to come watch too, Lafontaine.”

Laf grins. “Ooh, I would very much love to. By the way, do I have to sign an NDA for this stuff? And how much can I actually share about this?”

Perry is the one who answers. “I'm sure Carmilla and Elsie will help you filter. And I'll pitch in to the bosses about you helping with the advertising campaign online. I'll bring the NDA's later with the brownies, so just make sure to stick around until then.”

Laf lights up at Perry's words as they make their way out of Perry's office. “Brownies?”

Carmilla pats their back. “You are in for a treat, Ginger Nerd.”

* * *

 

Laf, as the social media expert that they are, has managed to create a Snapchat and an Instagram for _SilasU_ before the day ends (with permission, of course). They have somehow also managed to convince the ad team to let them have Carmilla and Laura in one of their videos. After all, it won't be Carmilla's first time in the _LaFilphormes_ channel.

(Laura seems surprised at this fact, saying that she's seen _all_ of the videos in Laf's channel. Laf tells her that since Carmilla booked the role for _SilasU_ , they have made the videos with Carm private. This means only the ones who've known them before that knows of it. Laura is obviously one of the more recent fans.)

The _SilasU_ twitter has never been so active, and the fans are eating it all up. The number of followers seems to have jumped as well, adding a good thousand within three hours of Laf posting their first BTS sneak peek.

And it's with good reason too.

 _**@SilasU:** Just chillin with **@Laura2theLetter** and **@HeyCarmilla** on the #SilasUs2 set! Also I'm taking over their social media - _**@LaFilphormes** <Image attached>

The picture is of Laf taking a selfie in between Carmilla and Laura, the three of them all biting into the brownies Perry had made for everyone.

Several fans have expressed their extreme delight at seeing Laf with _Amellia_ , even going as far as speculating that Laf will have a guest role. (“Maybe next season,” Perry tells them when they ask.) Laf just answers them semi-cryptically.

_**@SilasU:** Nope sorry. If you've watched all of my videos (including the ones I made private more than a year ago) you would know ;D - **@LaFilphormes** _

Of course, the tweets don't stop there.

Elsie and Dillon end up recording a short video of them pretending to fight, props and all. Perry is given the well deserved recognition for her endless supply of baked goodies. And even Spencer gets a really good shot of him directing whilst they're shooting.

(Carmilla notices Ell is nowhere in the posts, and also the fact that Laf is avoiding Ursula like a plague. Sometimes, she can't express how thankful she is for having such a loyal best friend.)

But what takes the cake is the candid shot that Laf has taken of Carmilla and Laura.

_**@SilasU:** Shh. #Amellia has been working really hard today #nappytime #socute - **@LaFilphormes** <Image attached> _

In the image, Carmilla and Laura are curled up in one of the break room couches in the midst of a nap. Their arms are loosely tangled around each other, and Carmilla's head is using Laura's arm as a pillow while Laura has her other arm around Carmilla's waist to prevent the sleeping brunette from falling off. A script is clutched in Laura's free hand (the same arm that Carmilla is laying her head on) and another one is messily spread out across their tangled hips.

It's a good picture, Carmilla can admit that, but apparently, it made the _Hollstein_ shippers more convinced that they're actually dating, despite the fact that Carmilla herself had told everyone in one of their _SilasU_ panels that they're not. It reminds Carmilla painfully of the fact that she and Laura _could be_ something, that if she can just get rid of her fear, she can look at this picture and know that it's _real_.

The reasons she has listed in her mind come back to her, and no matter how much _pining_ over a cute little blonde Cupcake sucks, Carmilla will just deal with it and act like a woman.

Carmilla saves the picture of them into her phone. She's always been a bit of a masochist after all.

* * *

 

“Carm, wait.”

Before parting ways after the long day of shooting, Laura tugs Carmilla's hand back, preventing her from following Laf.

Carmilla takes one look at Laura's expression and immediately calls out to Laf, who had continued walking. “Hey Laf,” they stop, turning to the two of them, “Can you wait for me by the convenient store at the corner of the street? I just need to talk to Laura for a sec.”

Laf nods in understanding and gives a salute, before making their way to the said store.

She turns back to Laura, lacing their fingers together as she asks, “What's wrong?”

“Nothing's wrong. I just...” Laura purses her lips, “I know you talked to Spencer and Perry about the… _Ell situation…_ but are you sure you're gonna be okay with just that?” She takes Carmilla's other hand and links them like the first. “Can't you… I don't know, give me a list of what to prevent Ell from doing?”

Carmilla sighs.

Laura continues. “Or find like a stunt double for your scenes? Maybe you have a long lost twin that could step in for you! I mean, that doesn't sound—”

“Laura,” Carmilla stops her, running a hand through the tiny blonde's hair before setting her hands on Laura's shoulders. She knows Laura won't like their decision, not after what happened, but Carmilla won't change her mind. “We've talked about this.”

“Yeah, but that was before...” Laura trails off, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath as if she were trying to erase it from memory. “You can't just fling yourself at tall blonde skinny Umbridge like that. What if it happens again?”

“And it'll continue happening if I don't do anything about it.”

“This isn't how you should fix this! You don't get over arachnophobia by jumping into a pile of spiders!”

“Neither do you if you stay away from them!” Carmilla holds a hand up to stop whatever Laura is going to say next and pinched the bridge of her nose with her other hand. Weird as the analogy may be, she understands Laura's concern and can't bring herself to be mad about it. “Look, I know you're looking out for me, but please just trust me one more time. I promise I'll tell you, Spencer or Perry if she's getting to me.”

Laura is still frowning. “That's what you said last time.”

“And I meant it the last time too. I just thought I could handle it.”

They stare at each other for a long moment, Carmilla trying her best to convince Laura with her pleading eyes. After a while, Laura sighs in forced resignation, making Carmilla grin.

“Stupid, sexy, vampire.” Laura grumbles as she stomps away.

Carmilla lifts an eyebrow at her, jogging a little to catch up. “You're joining the vampire nicknames then?”

“No, I'm actually thinking that you're secretly a vampire, what with your sleeping schedule and stupid seduction eyes.”

Carmilla snorts. “Seduction eyes?”

“Not a word!”

* * *

 

Carmilla and Laf fall back easily to their routine before the redhead left. They're watching documentaries (the most boring ones too) and are totally absorbed in it. Laf is sitting on one end of the couch while Carmilla is lying across it with her head on the other end, and her feet on top of their lap. There's a bowl of popcorn on Carmilla's stomach, and they alternately take from it as they watched.

(Laf had commented about Laura not sleeping over, but Carmilla argues that Laura only sleeps over once or twice a week… or three times… and that's not even counting when Carmilla goes to Laura's place instead… but that's only during _SilasU_ shooting period because they have to rehearse lines together!)

“So are you and the human personification of sunshine actually dating, or are your three acting commandments still fully in place?” Laf asks as the documentary finishes.

Carmilla looks at her best friend with a frown on her face. “What the hell do you mean by that?”

Laf nods. “Not dating then.” They take the last handful of popcorn before grabbing the empty bowl and setting it on the floor. “So is this because she's an actor or because she's your co-star?”

Carmilla sits up, folding her legs as she looks at them properly. “Why would Laura being an actor even matter?” she says defensively.

“Really?” Laf lifts an eyebrow at her, “You don't think I know that your third commandment isn't just because you want to stay professional, which I'm sure you do, but also because you're afraid of the idea of dating a professional liar?”

Carmilla flinches at their words. “You're talking to a professional liar, Laf.” She retorts rather weakly.

“Which is where your first and second commandments come from—your desire to be genuine to your fans.” Laf states as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

Carmilla silently curses her best friend's ability to read through her actions. It has saved Carmilla a long time ago, but she never liked it when they easily pull apart her tough exterior and show her softer side. It makes her feel weak, vulnerable.

Laf continues at her silence. “You should know by now that even people who live by lying can be genuine. Actually, lying isn't even what you do. Didn't you tell me before that acting is just a way to live the lives of people you would never be?”

“Do you record every single thing I say in that nerd brain of yours?” she quips back.

They just laugh. “Ah, the sarcasm is back. Seems like my job is done.” They stand up from the couch, heading towards their room. But before they reach out to open their door, they turn back to Carmilla. “You know, as much as I understand where your fear of dating anyone who can act is coming from, Laura isn't that good at hiding her feelings. I mean, yeah, she's a good actor, but acting like she's head over heels for you 24/7 just isn't plausible.” They send her one last smirk before waving and saying, “Night, Carmy. And just so you know, facing Ell everyday on set doesn't mean your not afraid of her anymore.” They stop. “That came out worse than I intended.”

When they close their door, Carmilla just sinks back down on the couch, her head full of thoughts.

Lafontaine, the truth speaker, strikes again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Laf is awesome. you can never convince me otherwise. also #Lafarnstein
> 
> yes, that is the beginnings of a rant about heteronormativity. next chapter will be the actual one XD
> 
> I'm hoping you notice the little tidbits about SilasU that I add every time it's mentioned. Like if you remember (most likely not XD) it was mentioned in the earlier chapters that Elsie's character, Rebecca, had a love interest who is Laura's roommate who died by the end of season 1. And in this chapter, it was revealed that her name is Tracey XD i have so many head canons about SilasU but I'm not sure I can put it in the story because, let's be real here, we're all more interested in Hollstein than SilasU or ReTrace (yes, that's their shipname. awesome right) so i have all these ideas that will never see the light of day!!!
> 
> sighs.
> 
> also, we reveal why Carm is too scared to make a move!!! aaaaahhhh!
> 
> yeah, i know it was pretty predictable. sorry. i also hope it's not stupid.
> 
> also spiders are cool as long as they stay far away from me
> 
>  
> 
> **EDIT: This used to be called _Fave Series Non-Regulars_ with an Alternate Chapter Title of Make Room for Laf but someone suggested I change it and welp I agree! XD**


	11. Finales and BROT3s

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SilasUs2 finale shoot. Also LaHollstein is the BROT3 (or OT3).

**Chapter XI: Finales and BROT3s**

_Video Title: **Laf Vlogs – Magically Special Guests!** _

_CHANNEL INTRO_

_INT – INSIDE APARTMENT – NIGHT_

_Laf is sitting alone in the middle of a couch._

_LAFONTAINE  
Good day, researchers of the future! For tracking purposes, it is the 78th vlog for this channel. What's that you say? There are less than 78 vlogs uploaded in my channel? Well, that's because I've made the first 20 vlogs private more than a year ago for reasons you will soon discover. As you may know, I've been travelling for the last year and a half, and recently, I've returned to our wonderful Canadaland._

_Random selfies of Laf from their travels appear around the screen._

_LAFONTAINE_ (cont)  
_Some of you may also know that I've recently visited the set of Silas University. Now, before any of you get excited, I will now officially confirm that I will NOT be making a cameo in this wonderful show. However, due to certain connections that I have, I've been given permission to bring very special guests today!_

_Carmilla and Laura flop down on each side of Laf at the same time, Carmilla on their right, and Laura on their left._

_LAURA_  
Tada!  
(doing jazz hands)

_LAFONTAINE  
Today we have none other than Amellia! Or as they are known in the real world, Carmilla Karnstein and Laura Hollis. Say hi to the internet._

_LAURA_  
(waving at the camera)  
_Hi internet!_

_CARMILLA_  
(salutes)  
_Sup._

_LAFONTAINE  
Now this might come as a surprise to my newer viewers, but this isn't Carmilla's first time on the channel. So a big welcome back to the channel, Carmilla!_

_CARMILLA  
Glad to be back._

_LAFONTAINE  
To those who haven't seen the videos, I will change the privacy of those videos after posting this one so you'll be able to witness the greatness that is Lafarnstein!_

_LAURA  
Ooh! That's so cute! You have a ship name!_

_LAFONTAINE  
We're a BROTP. Of course we have a ship name._

_LAURA  
Can we have one too?_

_LAFONTAINE  
Yessss! How about… LaHollis!_

_LAURA  
I love it!_

_CARMILLA  
And if you want a threesome, it's Lahollstein._

_LAURA  
It's called a BROT3, Carm._

_LAFONTAINE  
The threesome is called OT3 though!_

_CARMILLA  
Since my name was last, does that mean I'm bottom?_

_LAURA_  
(looks directly at the camera) _  
I just want to clarify to the internet that we are not having a threesome._

_CARMILLA_  
(pouts)  
_Killjoy_ _._

_LAFONTAINE  
Well, as much as I love Carmy here, my best friend is not going to be in my to-do list._

_CARMILLA_  
I have one.  
(show a piece of post-it with Laura's name written on it)

_LAURA  
That's just my name on a paper._

_CARMILLA_  
(smirks)  
_It's my to-do list._

_LAFONTAINE_  
Oooooooooooooohhhhhhhh!  
(high-fives Carmilla while Laura face-palms)

* * *

_Amanda can only watch helplessly from the ground as Ellia, who is chained to a pair of ceremonial pillars, hangs limply by her wrists. Her head is down so Amanda can't see her face, but Amanda continues to call out to her, crawling centimeter by centimeter to get as close to her, hoping she'll respond in some way._

_Rebecca and Tyler are on the ground, barely conscious like her, but they all still manage to glare at Simone as she approaches Amanda._

_“You're pathetic,” Simone leers as she stops in front of Amanda. Amanda just continues crawling around her, ignoring the sorceress. “You're just a frail little human, no magic, no talent. Even with your ridiculous crusades with the huntress, you will never be a magic hunter. You are weak. You can't even protect her.”_

_Amanda growls, her eyes trained on Ellia's limp form. “Shut up.”_

_“You can train all you like, but it won't give you the inherent skill needed to be a hunter. You think playing hunter with your swords will ever be enough to save her?”_

_“SHUT UP!”_

_She's silenced quickly when Simone kicks her on the gut. She rolls onto her back at the force of the hit, clutching her stomach as she defiantly stares back at Simone._

_Simone cruelly smirks at her. “You should've said goodbye when you had the chance.”_

_Rebecca and Tyler's voices calling out her name are the last thing she hears before she loses consciousness._

* * *

 

Carmilla's wrists hurt slightly from being chained, but her fear from her impending last scene with Ell overpowers it.

She's supposed to kiss Ell.

Scratch that.

_Ellia_ is supposed to kiss _Simone_. 

Spencer and Perry had expressed their concerns about it. The last time she had a panic attack, it had been brought on by the unexpected intimate touch by Ell. Now, they're worried it might happen again because Carmilla and Ell are going to kiss.

But not as worried as Laura is.

A full week before they shoot the last scene, Laura has already expressed her concerns. She's been asking Carmilla whether she'd like a kissing double because _'surely that's a thing right?'_. But Carmilla would not budge. She can do this. Sure, she has been dreading it since she found out that Ell will be playing _Simone_ (because although it's not their first kiss scene per se, it is the first that _Ellia_ will be awake and therefore respond to the kiss), but it has given her time to mentally and emotionally prepare for it.

They're just retouching their make-up for the last take which is also the kiss scene. Usually, Spencer will call for at least two takes with different angles just so the editing team will have more choices later on, but he claims that he has a very distinct image about this scene that they will only need one take as long as neither of the actors screw it up. (Carmilla suspects this isn't entirely true, but she'll take whatever reason she can to avoid kissing Ell more times than absolutely necessary.)

Laura gives her a hug just before Spencer calls action, and suddenly, dealing with it seems a little easier.

Carmilla knows Laura's eyes are glued to her the whole take. The weight of her stare calms her a little when she kisses Ell, knowing that if something happens, Laura will be there to catch her.

The scene seems to pass in a blink of an eye because the next thing she knows, Spencer is calling cut, and Laura is running towards her.

Carmilla only has enough time to prepare for a second before Laura literally jumps her, wrapping her arms around Carmilla's neck and her legs around Carmilla's waist. Carmilla lets out a grunt due to the impact and stumbles a bit, but she quickly recovers her footing and embraces Laura back.

Laura's face is nuzzled against her neck as the girl mumbles, “I'm so proud of you.”

Carmilla lets out a quiet sigh of content. “I couldn't have done it without you.”

Everyone around them is clapping and giving each other hugs as well, celebrating the end of shooting for season 2, but Carmilla's focus is firmly on Laura, feeling the girl in her arms breathe.

That is until she meets the eyes of James, their cameraman, who is still behind his camera, facing the two of them and smiling.

He gives her a friendly wink, and Carmilla just grins back.

Carmilla doesn't mention it when she notices that he only turns the camera off when Carmilla and Laura finally lets go of each other.

* * *

 

Carmilla is pretty sure she has never been so enraged at a gossip column article before.

It's not the first time that her name and face has been in TVLime. Since the premiere of _The Purgatory_ , her role in _Silas University_ has also come up. Old photos and interviews made for the relatively small fanbase of _SilasU_ are suddenly getting spotlight (stuff that long time fans already knew and freaked out about). Adding the fact that Laura also plays a major character in _The Purgatory_ means her costar is most certainly with her in nearly all of them.

And the first time she and Laura got a gossip article, it was titled _'CARMILLA KARNSTEIN AND LAURA HOLLIS SEEN BEING BEZZIE MATES OFF SET'._

She and Laura had laughed for a good minute or two.

This time though, the new gossip article is no laughing matter.

Because instead of Laura, it's Theo with her, and it's titled _'THE PURGATORY STARS THEO STRAKA AND CARMILLA KARNSTEIN CAUGHT ON A DATE!'._

Carmilla wants to throw up.

Laf seems to find it hilarious, seeing as they are wiping the tears from laughing so hard.

Theo calls her not a minute after Laf shows her the article, also laughing like the ass that he is.

Laura, who is coincidently at their place, is trying to hide her smile.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS HETERONORMATIVE BULLSHIT?!” Carmilla finally snaps, glaring daggers at the screen of Laf's laptop before pushing it off her lap and onto the couch. She starts to pace as she continues to rant. “How many times do I have to publicly announce that I'm a _lesbian_ for people to get that I don't like men!”

“Maybe they think you're being _bi_ -curious!” Laf cracks up again, slapping their knee in glee.

“ _I mean, if there's anyone who could turn you, it'll be your very handsome male heterosexual costar, am I right?_ ” Theo wheezes from her phone's speaker in Laura's hand, the device saved after Carmilla threw it away in her irritation.

“I am a fucking good person. I DO NOT DESERVE TO BE MISTAKEN A HETEROSEXUAL.”

Laf pipes up again. “Yeah, because you are totally the straightest person ever.”

Theo makes a sound of agreement. “ _So hetero, you wear leather pants and plaid shirts all the time._ ”

Carmilla glances down at her outfit and—yep, leather pants and plaid shirt. Creepy that Theo somehow knows what she's wearing but for crying out loud, can she look any gayer?

“Who the frilly hell published this?” She grabs the laptop again and looks at the writer of the article.

There. Candy Swift. She knows who exactly she should murder.

Laura seems to instinctively know what she's planning because Laura swiftly grabs the laptop and closed it, stopping her from further researching about her soon-to-be-victim. Laura looks at her sternly and reprimands, “No looking for gossip column writers and punching them, alright?”

Carmilla frowns. “I was planning on killing her.”

“No killing either!”

Laf and Theo laugh again at the same time, redirecting Carmilla's attention to the two idiots.

She glares at her best friend, and then at her phone that Laura had set on top of the living room table. “Shut up!”

“Okay, let's not add fuel to the fire lest _someone_ ” Laura sends Carmilla a look, “ends up actually tracking said gossip writer and commits a murder.” She grabs Carmilla's phone. “Bye Theo. We'll talk to you soon.”

“ _Until we meet again, my love!_ ”

“I will kill you!”

Laura ends the call. Laf looks like they finally got their shit together, and Carmilla just collapses back onto the couch between the two.

Laura nudges her lightly. “Wanna call your agent so she can set you up with an interview?”

Carmilla shakes her head. “Betty will yell at me. She's been handling all the PR stuff we've been getting since _The Purgatory_ even though that's not her job. She's been pushing me into getting a publicist.”

Laf nods. “That could be good. It'll prevent anything like this from happening again.”

“Ugh. No thank you. I don't need another person to yell at me.”

“Well, what do you want to do?” Laura asks, “I'm sure you don't want this rumour going around.”

“Is murder really not an option?”

“Carm, no.”

“Ugh.”

Laf perks up. “I have an idea!”

* * *

 

Both Laura and Laf retweets the TVLime article about Carmilla and Theo going on a date, each with their own respective quotes from Carmilla.

_**@LaFilphormes:** “WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS HETERONORMATIVE BULLSHIT?!” - **@HeyCarmilla** <TVLime article attached>_

_**@Laura2theLetter:** “I am a fucking good person. I do not deserve to be mistaken a heterosexual!” - **@HeyCarmilla** <TVLime article attached> _

The title of the article is clearly shown, as well as the picture of Theo and Carmilla eating at a restaurant that one time they had an interview together with Jason Fridays (“Don't you mean Fridays with Jason?” “I meant what I said, creampuff.”).

The amount of retweets and likes they amounted are massive, immediately made viral by their combined fanbase. It has nothing on what Carmilla had posted though.

_**@HeyCarmilla: @theTVLime @CandyS** I dedicate my singing debut to you.  <video attached>_

The video shows Carmilla in front of a keyboard, playing the song _Creep_ by _Radiohead_. She plays it right at the beginning of the chorus and she sings along.

“ _But I'm not straight. I'm a lesbo._ ” Laura's giggles can be heard in the background as what is seemingly a floating laptop with the gossip article open on the screen slides into the frame. “ _What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here._ ”

Everyone Carmilla has worked with also retweeted her video, amassing an impressive fifty thousand retweets within 24 hours of its posting.

Not long after, the article writer responded.

_**@theTVLime:** We and **@CandyS** are publicly apologizing for posting a false article about **@HeyCarmilla** 's relationship with **@StarkaTee**._

_**@HeyCarmilla: @theTVLime @CandyS** maybe next time, listen when someone tells the world they're gay._

Her fans had already voiced their complaint about the article even before Carmilla posts the video. But after she did, her twitter gets flooded with praises for dealing with the issue. Of course, there is still a few who think that she's overreacting, that she shouldn't have showed the writer up.

Carmilla doesn't let it get to her head. She's always been vocal about her being a lesbian so she does not appreciate being mislabeled as straight (hetero-straight, bi-straight or any type of straight) at all. Some other celebrities may prefer keeping their sexuality a mystery, only revealing it when they're ready to publicly announce a relationship with the same sex, but although Carmilla respects that, she also knows that she has queer fans out there who not only seek proper queer representation but also a good queer model. 

Carmilla may not be the best role model at anything else, but she is determined to show her queer fans that they should not be ashamed of what they are, and instead be proud of it.

Laura looks at her in this gentle way that Carmilla knows she's proud, and it suddenly makes her efforts all the more worth it. But then Laura's gaze drops to her lips, and Carmilla thinks that maybe Laura is gonna kiss her.

She doesn't.

Carmilla pretends she's not disappointed.

* * *

 

_INT – INSIDE APARTMENT – NIGHT_

_From the left, Carmilla, Laf and Laura are sitting on the couch._

_LAFONTAINE  
So you guys, why don't you share how you two met?_

_CARMILLA  
I've told you how we met. Remember? When I got the part for Ellia?_

_LAURA  
Awwww… you talked about me?_

_CARMILLA  
Very hard not to._

_LAFONTAINE  
Ah, yes. The tiny energetic goody two-shoes annoying little cupcake._

_LAURA  
Hey! You said tiny and little in the same sentence!_

_LAFONTAINE  
Sorry, frosh, but Carmilla is already tiny. Knowing that you're even smaller is definitely worth noting._

_LAURA  
I resent that!_

_CARMILLA  
Did you just call me tiny?_

_LAFONTAINE  
Anyway, I know you've mentioned Laura to me previously, but I need to know more information. By which I mean Laura's side on the whole meeting thing._

_LAURA  
Ugh. Fine._

_There is a jump cut. Laura is now in the middle after she and Laf switched places._

_LAURA  
So Carm and I met during our first chemistry read for SilasU. At first she looked really cool and profesh…_

_CARMILLA  
I made a good first impression on you, huh, Cupcake?_

_LAURA  
Until she opened her mouth._

_CARMILLA_  
(frowns)  
_What?_

_LAURA  
I have said this before and I will say it again, but Carm and I hated each other first. Like, she teases me all the time, she steals my clothes, she steals my chocolate—_

_LAFONTAINE  
She still does that though._

_LAURA (cont.)  
And I get so annoyed that we always get into arguments that sometimes even makes it into the show. So to clarify, yes, some of Amellia's cute arguments in the beginning of season 1? Those are improvs, and basically, Carm and I annoying each other._

_LAFONTAINE  
What changed though?_

_LAURA  
Well, I just distinctly remember on_ _e_ _time I was heading to set, I was in my uber, and I saw Carm walking. And since I'm not that petty of a person, I told her to ride with me._

_LAFONTAINE_  
Right. Ride.  
(wiggles their eyebrows)

_LAURA_  
( blushes )  
_Not what I meant. But yeah, I think that was the first time we got into a proper conversation. Probably because Carm was still too sleepy to make any snarky remarks, but our friendship just grew from there. But we definitely hated each other at first._

_CARMILLA  
I never hated you._

_Carmilla and Laura look at each other. There's this sudden tension present between them, and Laf immediately feels this. They_ _make eye contact with the camera with a knowing look on their face_ _, whilst trying not to smirk, while the two actors stare at each other._

_There is a slight pause before Laura speaks again._

_LAURA_  
(still looking at Carmilla)  
_I never hated you too._   
(pause)  
_Incredibly annoyed, yes, but it's really hard to hate you._

_CARMILLA_  
(softly smirks)  
_Got to change your mind, huh?_

_LAURA  
Well, smirky pants, it was a good thing you stopped being a jerkface then, or else I would've snapped and Krav Maga your butt._

_LAFONTAINE_  
(clears their throat really loudly)  
_So!_

_Carmilla and Laura look away from each other, both looking back almost sheepishly at the camera._

_LAFONTAINE (cont.)  
Now that we have that cleared up, do you guys want to know how Carmy-pants and I met?_

_LAURA  
Oooh! Yes, please!_

_There's a jump cut. Carmilla and Laura have exchanged positions, and Carmilla is now the one in the middle._

_CARMILLA  
Wait, why am I the one telling the story?_

_LAFONTAINE  
Because if I do it, I'll tell everyone about that time when we both snuck out, and broke into the—_

_CARMILLA_  
(interrupts Laf)  
_Alright! Point taken._  
(looks at the camera)  
_Ginger nerd and I met back in high school. They just came out to some of their friends about their pronouns, and because high school students are the worst, I found them locked up in their own locker. I let them out, and we've been stuck with each other since._

_LAFONTAINE  
What, you're not gonna tell everyone our very epic high school graduation where you broke up with your evil ex?_

_LAURA  
Ooh!_ _You never told me the details of that!_

_LAFONTAINE  
I still have it on video. You wanna see it?_

_LAURA  
Duh!_

_CARMILLA  
Okay, story for another time. How about you guys tell our viewers how the two of you met?_

_There's another jump cut. This time, Carmilla and Laf exchanged seats. Laura is hiding her face behind her hands for some reason._

_LAFONTAINE  
Well, to understand the story, I'll give you a little background first. Carmilla and I went to the same university after high school. We were also roommates during that whole period, and after we graduated, we decided to live together because we were both broke millennials._

_CARMILLA  
We're still broke millennials._

_LAURA  
Says the girl who just got front page in a magazine for being the 'Hottest 30 Under 30' of 2015._

_CARMILLA  
Hey, _ _the price of living in this place isn't cheap_ _._

_LAFONTAINE  
But going back to the topic, as you would know, I've been away for the last year and a half, first as a guest instructor for neurological science, which was then extended to science conventions in different universities. I should be in Taiwan right now._

_CARMILLA  
But of course, the calls of friendship brought them back to Canadaland._

_LAFONTAINE  
But my broody best friend here didn't know I was coming back. So I entered our apartment, and while I was in the bathroom, I heard someone entering and thought it was Carmilla._

_LAURA  
But we were so quiet!_

_CARMILLA and LAFONTAINE (unison)  
Floorboards._

_LAFONTAINE  
So I got this cool idea of literally surprising Carmilla when she enters the bathroom in search for intruders. So when someone walked in, I jumped out to scare my best friend—_

_CARMILLA  
And promptly got sprayed in the face with bear spray by Laura._

_LAFONTAINE  
I thought my eyes were melting._

_LAURA  
I'm sorry, okay? I was raised by an overprotective dad. Blame me for being paranoid!_

_LAFONTAINE_  
(laughing)  
_C'mon, Laura, it's fine! It's a really funny story though._

_CARMILLA_  
(smirking)  
_Don't worry, Cupcake. You're still cute._

_LAURA  
I am officially breaking up this BROT3._

_LAFONTAINE  
We will go down with this ship!_

_CARMILLA  
Here, here!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #LAHOLLSTEIN #BROT3
> 
> I used the script format as reference and tried to imitate it as much as i could XD
> 
> So that happened with Amellia. I hope SilasU gets a season 3. people need closure... and their ship have a happy ending...
> 
> i'm back at it with my references! XDD how many can you spot? i honestly cannot count them because like, i thought of it as a reference while writing it but now that i'm reading (beta-ing) it again those references seem more natural than... well, references XD
> 
> Yes. TVLime is a direct reference to that really annoying heteronormative gossip site that I hate, and the writer is also a reference to the writer of the article i hate. Can i just say I hate it when television romanticizes sexual harassment and abuse? and paint an awful character as this hero/prince charming just because they find him aesthetically pleasing?
> 
> uuuggghhh sorry. anger from another fandom.
> 
> also mislabeling isn't nice! if you don't know a person's sexuality, don't assume. if you do know it, don't try to fit them into your expectations.
> 
> i'm really sorry. i told you to expect a rant about heteronormativity.


	12. Relationship Updates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laf, the official truth speaker, speaks. Too many Japanese references are also in this chapter.

**Chapter XII: Relationship Updates**

They do a livestream viewing of  _The Purgatory_ finale.

All the main cast are able to come against all odds, even Will, whose character has been revealed a few episodes before. They decide to do it at Theo's place after a small competition between him and Will on who has the better flatscreen in their place.

Carmilla wouldn't have brought anything (except maybe some alcohol) but as per usual, Laura drags her to the grocery store before heading to Theo's place. If Carmilla decides to buy only a single pack of cookies, then it isn't her fault that she's stealing some of Laura's share.

(Laura complains and grumbles angrily at her for a while before the tiny girl gives up, a pout on her cute face while alternating on biting onto a cookie and then feeding Carmilla a bite.)

Jim, Will, Carmilla and Laura manage to squeeze into Theo's couch in the same order from the left, while Theo and Danny sit on the floor in front of them. They prepare ten minutes before the finale, Will and Theo both holding huge bowls filled with various chips and popcorn that they mixed together, and a small cooler of beer on the floor beside the couch on Jim's side. Danny even brings her soda hat with the Raptors logo. She detaches the straw from the right soda container so that Carmilla can take a sip from it while the Ginger Giant drinks from the one on the left. Laura only smiles at them, obviously trying hard not to laugh when they try it.

In between Carmilla, Will and Theo's running commentary, there isn't much silence while the episode is on. This proves to be even truer when the first commercial break happens, and Danny wastes no time asking about  _SilasU_ since it has recently wrapped.

(Both Laura and Carmilla know that Danny likes and retweets everything in the  _SilasU_ twitter account, and she definitely follows the snapchat and Instagram of it as well. Carmilla complains about having a fangirl friend, and while Laura elbows her in reprimand, Danny doesn't deny it.)

“We don't know if we'll get a season 3 yet,” Laura explains when Danny asks about the last day of shoot, “But from how season 2 will end, you'll definitely want one.”

“We better get a season 3. There's no way I'm gonna accept an ending like that for my character.” Carmilla grumbles, recalling her last scene with her evil ex.

“Uuugghh! The suspense is killing me!” Danny fusses, turning her body almost a full 180 degrees just to look at the two  _SilasU_ cast. “There are fan theories going around that  _Amellia_ is gonna break up, and that  _Simone_ will be the one breaking them apart. Please tell me that's not true!”

It's a good thing that both Carmilla and Laura has had a lot of practice on not reacting when someones guesses what will happen in  _SilasU_ correctly. Neither of them react to Danny's question, and instead, Carmilla responds cooly, “I can tell you that there's more kissing in season 2.”

Danny only has a few seconds to freak out about the new information before  _The Purgatory_ is playing again. Laura just nudges her softly, sending her an amused smile before shaking her head and turning back to the TV.

Carmilla only remembers that they're live streaming when she catches Theo's iPad perched on a small table below the TV.

–

With Laf's return, Carmilla's shared apartment with them is no longer just for her and Laura. So it's a good surprise when the three of them fall seamlessly together.

The fact that both her best friends get along really well comes as a relief. Laf has been her closest friend since high school, and they have been together since then. It's been them against the world, all the while getting into trouble and other stupid shenanigans along the way. Laf's absence for the past twenty months has left Carmilla missing her friend (although she would never admit it), and it's only remedied after meeting a certain blonde actor.

Laura has caught Carmilla's eye since they first met, but never could she have predicted that the girl would be such a huge part of her life in such a short time. And now, almost two years later, Laura has only continued to dig herself deeper into Carmilla's being, impossible to remove.

Carmilla feels nothing but content as she, Laura and Laf lounged around the two roommates' apartment. Carmilla is lying across the long couch, taking over most of the space. Laura sits on one end, Carmilla's head on her lap. Laf is alone on the loveseat, a popcorn bowl on their lap as they focused on the TV.

(They would occasionally throw a popcorn at Carmilla's request, 70% of which ends up on the floor or somewhere else on the couch. They both would need to vacuum the couch later, but for now, the excitement whenever Carmilla catches a popcorn in her mouth is too much fun to give up.)

The three of them are rewatching _Silas University_ on Netflix. It may seem a little narcissistic for Laura and Carmilla to watch their own faces more than once, but Laf had insisted. They hadn't had the chance to watch it, since they were out of the country when it showed on TV, and there's a lack of Netflix in most countries that Laf had gone to.

They're in episode 6, and the scene is between _Rebecca_ and _Tyler_ , discussing about the magic related happenings that they've been investigating. The scene is in the single class that all four main characters are together, and though they're not the focus of the shot, _Amanda_ and _Ellia_ can be seen interacting in the background.

“You two are ridiculously cute,” Laf mumbles without breaking their stare on the TV. “It's not even _supposed_ to be an _Amellia_ scene, but somehow, you made it into one.”

Carmilla just raises an eyebrow as she watches Laura and herself talking animatedly in the background. _Amanda_ and _Ellia_ has resolved their earlier clashing and have settled into a tentative friendship, hence the friendlier interactions between them. If Carmilla can recall correctly, she and Laura got into a discussion about classic works and how _Romeo and Juliet_ is the worst metaphor for a relationship, what with it being a tragedy, and because Romeo is the Renaissance period fuckboi.

“We weren't even paying attention there, I think,” Laura says, and when Carmilla looks at her, she's squinting, focusing on their figures in the background. “There, see!” She points out when _Amanda_ takes out her phone to show _Ellia_ something. “I'm pretty sure I was showing Carm that video comparisons of all _Romeo and Juliet_ adaptations.”

“Why did we talk about that, anyway?” Carmilla inquires, looking up at Laura.

“I'm pretty sure I complained about that annoying toxic forced-hetero ship from that TV show I have a love/hate relationship with.”

“Ah, the one with an episode title called _Star-crossed_.”

“I'd like to think that it's a pun rather than a legitimate episode title with romantic connotations.”

“Are you gonna rant about your nerd comics again?”

“Rude. As if you don't read the same nerd comics as I do.”

“Yes, but I don't rant about it on tumblr.”

“Right, you write _essays_ about it.”

“ _Analytic essays_.”

“Oh my god,” Laf interrupts, causing the two actors to look at them, “If you two are always like this, then I'm not surprised _Amellia_ has such a strong following. Actually, don't you have an rps?”

Laura's face brightens up. “It's _Hollstein_! How awesome is it that we're an actual love team?”

Laf nods in agreement. “If your ship becomes bigger, people will see your movies for the sole reason that you're both in it. The lesbian following is a strong one.”

Carmilla rolls her eyes at her two nerdy best friends. She's lost after the acronyms got involved. She then pokes Laf with her toe, simultaneously stopping the nerd talk and getting their attention. “Are you gonna be here for Christmas? Mattie wants to know if she needs to get you a present in advanced so she can send it on time.”

“Yep, I should be back in time for Christmas Eve.” Laf nods, cramming another handful of popcorn and chewing for a few moments before continuing. “I'll be leaving again a few days after New Year's though. Someone invited me to be a guest instructor for at least a few weeks. Or it might last a whole semester. I'm not entirely sure.”

“You're leaving again before Christmas?” Laura asks them.

“Yeah, like I said, I already missed two conventions. While my colleague, JP, can explain my thesis well enough, he's still more of the tech side of the project instead of the biology and brain stuff.”

Laura looks sad at the news. “When are you leaving?”

“This Saturday,” Laf looks at her and grins, “Don't look so sad, Laura. I'm sure Carmy will be fine with you joining our Skype calls.”

“You can takeover the Skype calls,” Carmilla clarifies.

Laf shakes their head in disappointment. “After all this time, Carmilla, you are still a _tsundere_.”

Carmilla scowls at them. “What does that even mean?”

“The perfect word to describe you 90% of the time.”

“That doesn't even sound like English.”

“ _Nihongo wa sugoi desu!_ ”

Laura laughs at the exchange, and Carmilla thinks that even with Laf's impending departure again, she'd make the most out of it, and spend as much time as she can with her closest friends.

(She'll never tell Laf she'd miss them though.)

–

“So when are you gonna leave for Christmas?” Carmilla asks one day while she and Laura get groceries. Carmilla wouldn't have gone along, except they're buying groceries for her and Laf, and Laura is just being the more responsible friend by dragging Carmilla to the market so they won't starve to death.

(Carmilla disagrees with this because take outs exist, but apparently that's not healthy enough for the health-nut cookie-loving Laura Hollis. And yes, Carmilla is aware of the irony.)

“Actually, Dad's gonna come here instead of me going home.” Laura says, grabbing a carton of soy milk and another carton of regular milk. She puts it down in the cart that Carmilla is leaning heavily on before grabbing the front of it and moving on. “We don't really celebrate Christmas with mom's side of the family, and dad doesn't have close relatives. We agreed it would be easier, since I still have work until the day before. Besides, we'll be able to spend more time together this way.”

“Why don't you just spend it with us?”

Laura abruptly stops, her head snapping towards her. “What?”

Carmilla hesitates, not really having thought through how Laura could possibly react to her suggestion. “I mean… It's usually just Mattie, Will, Laf and I, and it won't be much. We just stuff our faces with food and alcohol until we pass out, and then exchange presents in the morning while we try to cure our hangovers, but...”

“It sounds amazing, Carm.” Laura takes a step closer to her, setting a hand on top of hers. The smile Laura sends her makes her a little weak on the knees that she has to grab onto the cart so as not to fall. “I'll just tell dad about it. I'm sure he'll be excited.”

Mustering up as much false bravado as she can, she smirks. “Have you been talking about me, Cupcake?”

“I don't need to.” There's a certain amount of glee in Laura's and—yeah, Laura really has to stop smiling at her like that (except she doesn't want Laura to stop). “You're my love interest in my TV debut. Of course my dad will ask about you.”

Carmilla is left standing there with a gaping mouth, unsure of how to process the information. Even though she has heard a lot about Laura's father, she has never really interacted with him. There's an inkling feeling that Laura's dad wouldn't like her, and although it's mostly unfounded, Carmilla really hasn't had a good experience with parents.

But whatever worries she has at the moment, it's interrupted by two teenagers approaching them, asking for selfies.

She'll stress over that issue later.

–

Laf makes a big deal out of it when their video becomes the #6 trending on youtube, gathering over one hundred thousand views within twenty-four hours since posting it. Carmilla watches it then, while Laf is talking to Laura on the phone with the news and at the same time, her costar is updating her best friend about that site that she swore never to visit again.

After seeing the first several seconds of the video, she scrolls down to look at the comments, wondering just how many  _Amellia_ shippers are there. In her experience, in another twenty-four hours, everyone in the fandom would know about this video, and people will be hounding them on twitter again.

(Carmilla should really consider getting rid of her social media… or at least turning her notifications off.)

There are numerous comments, mostly expressing their glee in seeing  _Amellia_ with Laf, but there are a few in particular that caught her eye.

_**Lizzie Baeman  
** _ _Hollstein having a moment when Laura talked about how they met_ _**cries in gay** _

_**Amellia is Love  
** _ _Laf at the hollstein moment tho lol they know what's happening_

_**Amanda Miles  
** _ _6:01_ _Laf is all of us_

The scene in question is the moment when Carmilla and Laura got a little lost in each other when they were talking about their pre-friendship relationship. Carmilla should've known Laf wouldn't remove it. And it seems like they enjoyed providing facial commentary about it too.

Carmilla plays that part of the video, staring mostly at Laura's expressions and recalling how it had been when they were shooting it. She knows she should do something about it. She has given Laura enough reasons to not make the first move, and if she wants this—whatever this is with Laura—to start, it's Carmilla's decision.

“What's got you broody, McVampire?” Laf asks, sitting down beside her.

Carmilla closes the laptop and looks at them. “How do I this?”

Laf's eyebrow rises. “Do what exactly?”

“This.” She says, making vague hand gestures as she speaks. “This  _thing_ I have with Laura. What do I do about this?”

Laf studies her for a moment, before sighing. “Well, the first thing you have to do, I would recommend, is to admit what you actually feel about her.” Carmilla frowns at this, unsure of why they're saying this in the first place, but they just continue. “I don't know if you've noticed this, but you haven't really admitted to anyone that you like her. And I know you know this, but you have the tendency to never say anything out loud because the moment it gets out, then it'll be real. It's like you don't want any witnesses because then, you can't deny it. And you're like, the master of denying your own feelings.”

Carmilla rubs her temples in irritation. “Where are you going with this?”

Laf raises their arms in a placating manner. “Hey, as much as I tease you about it, I don't want you to jump into this when you're not ready. And as far as I can tell, I don't think you are.”

“So what, you're saying I should just do nothing?” Carmilla scowls.

“I'm saying you should start with yourself, because as corny as that may sound to you, that's what you need.” Carmilla scoffs, and Laf just presses on. “Look. The thing with Ell and your mom—”

“Don't you  _ever_ bring her up.” Carmilla cuts them off with a glare.

They just match her hard gaze and continues. “The thing with Ell and your  _mom_ , we all know it affected you a great deal, but you never asked for help about it. You don't even talk about it with me or your siblings, and when Mattie offered for you to see a therapist, something that both she and Will went through, shall I point that out, you declined. And instead of trying to heal the emotional scars that you obviously acquired, you ignored them. You pretended like none of it ever happened. And now that you're facing a big  _'Newsflash: it did happen'_ in the form of your evil ex, you  _still_ choose to tackle this like you're a single player video game protagonist. Why do you think everyone's immediate reactions range from issuing a protective court order against Ell to wrapping you in a thick ex-proof blanket to hide you away forever?”

She shakes her head, dropping the laptop to her side and standing up, leaving them on the couch. “This has  _nothing_ to do with Laura.”

“It has everything to do with Laura!” They retort, quickly following her as she makes her way to the kitchen. “Can't you see? Deep down, you still harbour the fear of the possibility that Laura will end up just like Ell.”

There's a loud sound when her palms meet the table between them as she growls at Laf. “Laura is  _nothing_ like Ell.”

“Which is why you're terrified.” Laf responds simply, calmly, “Because underneath that fear, confusion, and behind those three acting commandments of yours, you know you love Laura more than you ever loved Ell. And that just translates to a possibility of losing someone you value more than you've ever experienced losing. So as this friendship's official truth speaker, I'm saying that you need to work on yourself first, instead of risk hurting yourself or losing the one person you can't stand to lose.”

They are both silent for a long time, staring each other down until Carmilla averts her gaze first.

Carmilla doesn't realize she's crying until Laf throws an arm over her shoulder. They stay like that until the waterworks is over, and even then, Laf doesn't bring it up, obviously giving her the choice to talk about it or not.

The two of them end up rewatching  _Grey's Anatomy_ , eating popcorn and soda for dinner like they used to in college.

Carmilla knows she's gonna miss her best friend when they leave again.

(She isn't even embarrassed to admit it this time.)

–

Danny brings the candies she got from her trip outside the country. There are more flavours available than Carmilla even knew existed, so while the others (mostly Will and Laura) inspected each and every single candy to divide them into groups, Carmilla chooses to just grab a random one, and hope it's not something weird and nasty.

(Like the wasabi flavour that Jim gets. They all laugh for a good minute when he spits it out into his beer.)

Carmilla thinks she got lucky. The candy she grabs is in a light pink wrapper, but it's not the overly sweet strawberry flavour that she expects. It's a good combination of salty and sour, a good contrast from the cookies they've been eating since the start of the episode. She takes her eyes away from the show for a second in order to look at wrapper, and lifts an eyebrow when she reads _cherry blossom_. Before she can do anything else, Laura gasps beside her, reading the flavour as well.

“Where did you get that?” Laura asks in a weirdly shocked manner.

Carmilla just gives her a look. “Where do you think, Lauronica Mars?”

“But I haven't seen any other candy with that flavour!” Laura protests, looking over to the segregated groups of candies on the living room table. She looks back at Carmilla with a pout. “I wanted to try it.”

Carmilla just rolls her eyes and takes the candy from her mouth between her thumb and index finger. “Here.”

Laura jerks away when Carmilla tries to give it to her. “Ew! Carm, that's like, covered in your saliva!”

Carmilla doesn't even think about her words when she blurts out. “Laura, you understand that my tongue has been in your mouth, like, multiple times. As far as exchanging saliva goes, this is the most innocent we've done.”

Laura blushes into an impressive shade of red while everyone else (which Carmilla honestly forgot for a moment) bursts out laughing. Danny, Will and Theo are all wheezing, and Jim is mature enough to try and hold his laughter. Carmilla ends up being infected after a few moments, unable to stop a snort when Laura attempts to bury herself into the couch.

Laura tries to stop the laughter that's happening in her expense by shouting “Moving on!” but everyone just continues to tease her. When it settles a little and everyone is once again focused on the show, Carmilla, with the candy still between her fingers, taps Laura on her knee and swiftly puts the candy in Laura's mouth when she opens it to address Carmilla.

No one else notices her action, especially since Laura merely freezes in silence. Carmilla gives her a small smirk before watching _The Purgatory_ again.

Later, when Carmilla looks for the livestream on youtube, she'll realize that after giving Laura the candy, Laura would send her a gentle gaze—the same one that only makes it more certain to Carmilla that Laura has feelings for her too—and Carmilla's stomach would fill up with what can only be described as butterflies.

' _Dammit, Karnstein. Get your shit together already._ '

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In celebration of the start of the Carmilla Movie, I'm posting this chapter before Nicole Stamp and Steph Ouaknine kills us :)))))
> 
> If you wanna see Laf's face on the video last chapter (which was referenced above), go to the 2nd pre-show in Carmilla S3 and add 20 mins to the timestamp in the chapter XD
> 
> ALSO DID YOU HEAR WE'RE GONNA GET AN EMOTIONAL LOVE SCENE???!!! AND THAT NICOLE TEARED UP EVEN AFTER WATCHING IT TEN TIMES????!!!! I'M GOING TO DIE
> 
> and there's finally development on Carm's side! XD i'm sorry but i think it'll take at least 3 more chapters before something actually happens. some Dear John might also happen but i'm not sure yet XD
> 
> ALSO THAT PICTURE OF CARM JUMPING LIKE A SCARED CAT GAVE ME LIFE. I NEED A GIF OF THAT PLEASE
> 
> i usually keep a one chapter buffer between what i've already posted and still writing, but since i posted this, i got nothing XD i'm sorry but work has been really busy and i'm stuck in a writer's block and i don't wanna give you shit chapters
> 
> ALSO LAURA HAS BEEN LIKE IN TANK TOPS IN 80% OF THE BTS PICS. LIKE THEY'RE ACTIVELY USING ELISE'S GUNS TO KILL US. THIS IS A PLOY TO KILL ALL CREAMPUFFS I TELL YOU
> 
> so i'll see you, hopefully, before the movie comes out! XD


	13. Amanda of SilasU S2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Laura’s POV again, but this time, it’s also about Amanda.

**Chapter XIII: Amanda of SilasU S2**

Laura can't count the amount of times that she and Carmilla improvised a scene in _SilasU_ . From the small background _Amellia_ scenes to the ad libs, the unscripted interactions between them just fuelled the fire of the then growing ship. Because of this, Spencer and the main writer, Jordan, had basically given them free reign with their characters. They still have scripts, but the details of their interactions are significantly minimized, letting them interpret the scenes themselves.

This passes onto season 2, especially during the first few episodes where _Amellia_ is still in their blissfully in love phase.

“Hey,” Carmilla calls out gently when Laura enters the room with an unhappy pout. She climbs onto the bed and curls up beside Carmilla who had been sitting against the headboard reading a book. “How's Rebecca? Any better?”

“Sure, if better means more reckless and obsessed with finding every single one of the Master's followers.” She mumbles against Carmilla's shoulder. “Tyler tries to keep the damage to the school to a minimum, but I don't think whatever I'm doing is helping her.”

“Don't be so hard on yourself.” Carmilla lifts one hand from her book to run her fingers through Laura's hair. Laura hums in content at the feeling of Carmilla's fingertips against her scalp. “You're trying your best, despite the fact that you lost your best friend too.”

Laura shakes her head. “I just thought we could at least talk, you know? We both cared a lot about Tracey. I thought at least we could help each other through the grief.”

“People process loss differently. You just have to be patient with her.”

“She could get herself killed if we just let her be.”

“Which is why we're here, to catch her if she falls down.” Carmilla pauses from her ministrations to glance at Laura. “We're not gonna leave her, Amanda.”

“I just wish we can ease her pain, even a little bit, you know?” Laura says, turning her head to look at Carmilla. “I remember how it felt, when I thought I was going to lose you.” She lifts a hand and slowly caresses Carmilla's jaw. Their eyes meet, ans she whispers. “It felt like I couldn't breathe. I can't imagine it actually happening.”

“You don't have to.” Carmilla takes Laura's hand in her own. “I'm not going anywhere.” She vows solemnly. “Even if this place crumbles, even if the world burns, you won't lose me. I'll always, always come back to you.”

At that moment, Laura is no longer acting as she stares back at Carmilla, completely captivated.

Carmilla's brow twitches, right before she says her line. “What? Did I say someth—”

Laura cuts her off, and it's totally not in the script. But it just feels _so right_ to kiss Carmilla after a confession like that.

Thankfully, Carmilla easily catches on and kisses her back without breaking character. And when Laura finally leans away for air, Carmilla is smiling dazedly as she asks, “Not that I'm complaining, but what was that about?”

 _'Because I love you and it's really hard to stop myself when you're looking at me like that, even if we're just acting,'_ Laura thinks, but thankfully, she can still remember her lines. “I'm just really happy that we're together right now.”

Carmilla connects her forehead with Laura's as she murmurs. “Same here, Cupcake.”

…

…

…

When Spencer finally calls cut, the first thing that Carmilla does is laugh and say, “You really want to kill the shippers, don't you? How are they ever gonna cope if they find out that kiss wasn't scripted?”

Something unpleasant drops in Laura's stomach. She hasn't even thought of the fans, and knowing _SilasU_ 's ad team, they would definitely let it slip that this _Amellia_ kiss isn't in the script.

Laura manages to keep a smile though, forcing out a giggle. “Haha, yeah. The kiss was definitely for the fans. Can you imagine the chaos? They're gonna love it.”

Carmilla does her eyebrow thing that, frankly, makes Laura wanna run her thumb on it, but she stops herself this time. She already slipped and kissed Carmilla earlier.

Any inquiry Carm may have about Laura's weird-ish response was interrupted by Spencer calling them to the screen so they could review the take. Laura takes this opportunity to escape, eagerly dragging Carmilla in hopes the broody actor would forget about it.

Carmilla does forget about her question.

Laura thinks about the kiss until she's in bed that night.

* * *

 Saying that Laura has been avoiding Ell like the plague is not an exaggeration.

Because honestly, she is.

The only times Laura would be in the same vicinity as Ell are during the following situations: One, if she and Ell have a scene together. And two, if Carmilla and Ell have a scene together. And although Carmilla always sends her this look when she's on set way too early for her scene, or when she has no scenes at all, Carmilla never says anything about it. Plus, she gets one of those tight hugs from Carmilla whenever she watches, so it's a win-win for her.

But of course, she can't really avoid blonde skinny Umbridge forever.

“Carmilla has told you about me, hasn't she?” is the first thing Ell says when, in a rare occurrence, they find themselves alone in the break room. Carmilla and Dillon are shooting, and Elsie isn't on set for some interview.

Laura is sitting on the break room couch, reading her lines for a later scene and drinking hot chocolate, when Ell speaks, making her sigh into her TARDIS mug. She doesn't really have the patience for small talk. “What do you want, Ell?”

The evil blonde smirks and raises her eyebrow, and although Carm does the same thing a lot, that expression on Ell's face seemed wrong to Laura. “So you know Carmilla and I dated? Is that why you're acting so jealous whenever we're in a scene together?” Laura fixes a glare at her, and she just laughs. “Oh wow. You actually believe in showmance? How unprofessional. Of course, I shouldn't have expected any...”

Laura rolls her eyes and turns back to her script. She really doesn't have the patience to listen to Ell's bi…bad person talk. Besides, she really couldn't care less about Ell's opinion about Carmilla and her relationship.

She lets Ell drone on, not at all paying attention to Regina George. She finishes the page she's in, highlighting her lines, and turns it to the next one. It's only then that she realizes that Ell has stopped talking.

She glances back at the other actor, raising her eyebrow as Carmilla would and asks, “Are you done now? Or do you still have something else to add to your Mean Girl speech?”

It's obvious on Ell's face that she's furious at being ignored and looking like an idiot. If Laura had been less nice, she would've smirked at the very least at Ell's face, but as satisfying as that would be, she'd really rather not interact with the taller blonde actor more than necessary.

Ell's stare is hard as she says, “It seems Milla has told you about me. Nothing good, I suppose.”

“She told me enough,” Laura closes her script and stands up, squaring off against Ell who is almost half a foot taller than her. But she only stands taller, matching Ell's gaze. “And by that speech of yours, my conclusion is that she's right.”

Ell has the gall to smirk. “Sounds to me like she's biased because I dumped her.”

“And it sounds like you're still obsessed with her.” Laura retorts, taking a step closer. “Keep your pants on, Mitchels. Carmilla's never gonna date you, especially not for your own publicity. You can find someone else to leech off fame from.”

Ell growls at this, glaring at Laura for a long moment before stalking off. Laura smiles to herself, quite pleased with the outcome of that confrontation.

She's still smiling when Dillon enters the break room and tells her that Carmilla is already getting ready in make up for their scene later. He notices her smug smile as she passes by him.

Dillon looks at her funny. “What's with the evil grin?”

Laura shoulders him lightly, still smiling. “My smile isn't evil, and just so you know, I have vanquished a great douchy-ness and claimed victory!”

He only pauses for a second before shaking his head. “Forget I asked.”

Laura just giggles.

* * *

  _“I know what you've been doing, Amanda.” Rebecca says in a clipped tone as she walks past the tinier blonde and into her room._

_Amanda's eyes widen at the accusation. “Uhhhhh, I don't know what you're talking about!” She follows the huntress into the room as Rebecca flops down on her bed face first, obviously tired from her solo hunting mission earlier. Amanda tries to sound casual as she continues. “I'm just trying to be a good sidekick, you know? I mean, how else can I be a good sidekick if I'm not even there to kick beside you? That's like being—”_

_“—a good friend by making sure I don't spiral into self-destruction due to grief.” Rebecca finishes, rolling over and leaning on her elbows to look at her friend. “I get it, Ames. And I appreciate it. But I swear I'm not trying to wear myself into the ground finding all of the Master's minions because of some petty revenge. These people are a danger to everyone in this school, and I'm the only one who can stop them.”_

_“The only one who can, or the only one that should?” Amanda asks. Rebecca averts her gaze, making the tinier girl sigh. “Becca, I know you can do this on your own, what with you being all Super Saiyan after getting all of the Master's powers,” Rebecca smirks a little at Amanda's reference, “But just because you can doesn't mean you should. We got through this the first time together, why shouldn't we now?”_

_Rebecca sighs. “Look, Ames, it's not that I don't trust you guys, or that I don't want your help.” She sits up straighter, crossing her legs and putting her elbows on her knees. “But losing Tracey made me realize just how dangerous this is. We're not just investigating some supernatural magic phenomenon. We can die.” She looks straight at Amanda, her gaze hard and stern. But after a moment, her eyes began to water. “I already know how it feels like to lose someone you love. I don't want any of you to experience that too.”_

_Amanda starts to get teary as well at the reminder of her lost friend. “What, you don't think we love you?”_

_“It's not like that,” Rebecca rubs her face with her palms in frustration. “I just need to protect all of you, okay? I mean, you almost lost Ellia too. Don't you feel the same? Isn't that why you've been tagging along, asking me to train you to be a magic hunter?”_

_Amanda looks taken aback at her words. “T-that's… I'm not—don't change the subject!”_

_Rebecca rolls her eyes at Amanda's reddening cheeks. “I'm not. I'm just saying you should know how it feels to be protective of someone you love because of what happened.”_

_“And I'm saying that as noble as your cause is, you should know that we don't want to lose you too!” They stare off for a long moment, before Rebecca looks down at her lap. Amanda sighs and moves onto the bed, sitting in the same lotus position as Rebecca and putting an arm over her shoulders. “I know losing Tracey hurt you, but I lost my best friend too. And now, you're kind of one of my closest friends, and it'll hurt a lot if I lost you too. I know we can't just let the Master's minions roam free, but it doesn't mean you have to deal with them alone either. We're here for you.”_

_Rebecca finally smiles at that. “Thanks, Ames.”_

_They just sit there for a moment, happy to have resolved their problem. It's silent until Rebecca speaks again._

_“So are we gonna talk about you training to be a magic hunter to protect Ellia?”_

_Amanda groans. “I didn't even realize that's what I was doing until you said it. I think you're right though. It's just...” She struggles, and when she looks at Rebecca, she receives an encouraging smile. “The image of Ellia lying on the ground motionless, or with a growing pool of blood from a hole in her that she got from_ protecting me… _I can't forget it. When I see her, the first think that comes to mind is always_ 'Thank god I didn't lose her'. _And I know that sounds really selfish, and frankly, insensitive by telling you, but I don't think I could've coped as well as you if it had been her instead. And when I tag along with your missions, all I think about is how none of those would've happened if I could protect myself. I could be protecting Ellia instead.”_

_“Do you love her?'_

_Amanda hesitates at that. “We've only been together for a month.”_

_“Time shouldn't be the sole basis of your feelings.” Rebecca points out._

_“Isn't it too soon though?”_

_“Ames,” Rebecca says softly, fully turning to Amanda as she holds both of the other girl's arms, “If there's one thing losing Tracey has taught me, it's that you should never waste your chances to tell your person how you feel about them. Tracey and I have been together for only four months, and even though I've told her I love her multiple times, I keep wishing that I'd done it more… I wish I can do it now.” Her eyes glaze with melancholy for a moment, before she shakes her head and turns her attention back at Amanda. “So my point is, you should tell her that you care while you still can. You don't have to love her yet. You don't have to be sure. But you deserve to have your feelings known, even if what you're going to say isn't 'I love you'.”_

_Amanda smiles gratefully at her. “Thanks, Becca. You're the best, you know that?” Then, Amanda's eyes widen in realization. “And I am the worst. I came here to comfort you, but you ended up comforting me instead.”_

_Rebecca laughs.“Nah, we comforted each other. And don't worry, I'm not gonna go off on my own anymore. I promise to tell at least one of you when I go on one of my hunting trips.”_

_Amanda nods appreciatively. “Good.”_

_Rebecca sends her a look. “Shouldn't you be heading somewhere?”_

_After a few more encouraging words, Amanda goes on her way back to Ellia's dorm room, set on telling the girl what she feels._

_She had never expected that Ellia would be breaking up with her when she does._

* * *

 “Are you sure you can still go on?” Elsie asks, twirling her short spear around her hand before setting the staff over her shoulder.

Laura sits on the floor, her twin swords scattered a few meters away from her after Elsie had disarmed her. She's panting, and her appearance is in disarray, but there's an odd fire in her expression as attempts to push herself back on two feet, “I'm fi—” She wobbles, but manages to catch herself. “Fine. I'm fine. I can do one more.”

“No, you can't.” Elsie says, using a finger to push against Laura and causing the smaller blonde to collapse. Elsie doesn't even bother to look worried, only watching Laura as she unceremoniously laid on her back. Elsie shakes her head when Laura doesn't move. “You're training yourself to death.”

“Not exactly a bad thing though,” Laura murmurs under her breath.

Elsie frowns at this. “Okay, that's it.”

Laura ignores Elsie stomping around her in favour of resting her exhausted limbs. But when she hears the clang of her swords, her head snaps towards Elsie who is now grabbing them. “What are you doing?” It's Elsie's turn to ignore her. Laura immediately sits up when Elsie walks away, bringing Laura's swords. “Becca? Where are you taking my swords? Why are you leaving? Wait, Becca!”

Somehow, Laura manages to half-limp half-jog to catch up, and the moment she lays her hand on Elsie's shoulder, she's met with a scowl. “I am not training you unless you stop being a damn hypocrite! Just last week, wasn't it you who told me to stop being reckless after Tracey died? And now _you're_ the one doing it!”

Laura flinches, looking down at her feet guiltily. “This is different.”

“Oh really?” Elsie cocks her hips to the side, both her and Laura's weapons in either hands. “You're working yourself to death and endangering your life because you just lost your significant other. Sound familiar?”

“It's different because she's still alive, but she just doesn't want me anymore!” Elsie freezes at Laura's words, and her eyes widen as she immediately regrets them. “God, no, I didn't mean it like—I wasn't trying to—”

“I get it.” Elsie's voice is hard when she interjects. She takes a deep breath, and when she lets it out, her eyes are no longer steely. “You're right. It _is_ different. But this isn't a competition on who has it worse. Both our situations just suck. But Amanda, this isn't the right way to deal with things.”

Laura closes her eyes as she sighs, slumping down until she's sitting on the ground again. “I know.” She buries her face into her knees, tears prickling her eyes. “I just—what do I do now? Since Tracey died, it was Ellia that was always there. She stuck with me through the grief, the anger, the denial… She's been my glue these past months. I don't know—I can't even imagine what my life can be without my bestfriend and my...”

“The love of your life?” Elsie finishes for her, sitting beside Laura and wrapping her arms around the smaller blonde.

“ _Gods_ , I don't even know.” Laura's voice breaks as she continues to speak. “It's only been a month but it feels like she could've been, you know? I could see myself falling in love with her.”

…

…

…

Laura just wants to go home and pass out after the long day she's had.

Kali training has been a thing since rehearsals because of _Amanda_ learning a weapon through the season. And while it's fun, stunt rehearsals before shoot and what seems like endless takes of the action can really take a toll on someone even as physically active as Laura. Elsie has it a little easier, having a little experience with Karate, but even the badass Swag Queen looks worse for wear.

“Thank god we don't have to come in tomorrow until late in the afternoon.” Elsie grumbles as they both make their way from wardrobe to the break room after taking off all their costumes and make up. “My arms are gonna feel like jelly in the morning.”

“I think my blisters have blister,” Laura says, wincing as she looks at the damage on her hands. “Ouch. No wonder it hurt really bad. I'm pretty sure skin isn't supposed to peel off like that.”

“Ew, gross! I didn't need to hear that!” Elsie playfully shoves her as Laura laughs. Elsie then crosses her arms over her chest, and a teasing smirk makes its way to her face. “By the way, how's the whole _Hollstein_ shipping? Judging from you eye hawking Ell whenever she's in a scene with Karnstein, is it safe to assume you're finally canon?”

Laura gives her a dry look. “I regret the day I taught you fandom talk.”

“Oh c'mon!” Elsie nudges, “I haven't seen you two together lately. I need to know _deets_!”

Laura grumbles. “There are no _deets_ . Carm and I haven't hung out since the break up scene. Our shooting schedules are so out of sync that we barely see each other on set, let alone outside. I mean, I'm not surprised since, you know, _Amellia_ did just break up, but still. Getting up early or staying an hour or so longer does take a toll on me.”

“Aren't you a morning person?”

“Not if my schedule forces me to sleep in the morning.”

Elsie laughs a little. “Okay. And what about that thing you're doing when Carmilla and Ell are shooting a scene together? Jealous much?”

Laura becomes silent, but after a moment, she says, “It's not mine to say, but I swear it'll be easier if it's just jealousy. And even then, we can barely talk to each other before one or both of us are called somewhere.” She explains as they near the break room where all their bags are dumped.

“You should tell Dillon. I mean, not the specifics, but I'm sure he'll help you out if you asked.” Elsie shrugs, stopping beside Laura as the smaller girl reaches for the door. “You know we're onboard the _Ell R_ _é_ _sistance_!”

Laura laughs, entering the room only to stop when she sees the person on the couch.

There on the dark blue sofa is a sleeping Carmilla Karnstein, her arms and legs sprawled messily around her in a way that only Carmilla can achieve.

Elsie nudges her lightly, a visible smirk on the other actor's lips. “I'm heading out first. You go wake up your girlfriend so you can go home to a nicer bed.”

Laura rolls her eyes, but there's a smile on her face. “You're impossible.”

It doesn't take long for Elsie to grab her backpack and leave. Meanwhile, Laura does the same, but once she gets her things ready, she kneels down in front of Carmilla by the couch. For a moment, she just watches the unconscious girl sleep. It's not like this is the first time Laura has seen Carmilla's face this peaceful, but it has been a while. Somehow, it makes Laura miss being with Carmilla more.

She carefully brushes a strand of Carmilla's hair away from the girl's face. “Carm?” she calls out softly as her hand descends to the sleeping girl's cheek. “Carm, wake up.”

Carmilla's face scrunches up as she turned, her body curling up towards Laura.

Laura smiles at the pout on Carmilla's face. “C'mon Carm, we should go home.” She receives a groan in response. “Carm? Caaaaarrrrmmm. That couch can't be good for your neck.”

Finally, Carmilla opens her eyes only to land directly at Laura. For a moment, Laura is mesmerized, unable to do anything but stare back at Carmilla's sleepy brown orbs. It's only when Carmilla blinks that Laura was able to snap out of it.

“Laura?” Carm asks in that sexy just-woke-up voice that makes Laura's tummy do summersaults. She rubs her face with her hands as she sits up. “Are you done today?”

“Yeah, I'm just about to head home.” Laura explains as she watches Carmilla stretch and yawn. “Why are you still here? Didn't you have an early shoot this morning?”

And by early, Laura meant before the sun even came up because Spencer wanted an authentic sunrise shot. She's sure Carmilla would've preferred a sunset.

“I wanted to see you.” Carmilla shrugs as she sleepily answers. “And not just passing-by-each-other seeing you, but actually see you. I miss you.”

Laura can swear her heart expanded at least ten times right then and there.

“Okay,” Laura murmurs back, “Let's go back to my place. We'll have breakfast together before you go to set tomorrow.”

Carmilla smiles groggily. “That sounds nice.”

With one hand holding Carmilla's, Laura texts Laf about Carmilla's whereabouts and gets an Uber home. For the whole ride, the broody actor is an a state of half-asleep with her head resting against Laura's shoulder. And when they finally get to Laura's bed, already changed in their sleeping attires, Carm cuddles up to Laura without prompting, mumbling.

“I hate that _Amellia_ broke up,” Carm says quietly, her eyes already closed. “It feels like we also broke up with them.”

Laura's heart pounds at Carmilla's words, but she tries to ignore it. “Is that why you stayed on set so late?”

Carmilla hums in affirmative, sounding even less awake than she had a few minutes ago. “Can we never break up?”

Air is stuck on Laura's throat, and it takes her a few seconds before she can reply, “Maybe we can start dating first?”

“I'd like that.”

Carmilla is asleep by the time the words left her mouth, and Laura is stuck staring at the girl she's in love with as if the biggest cookie had just been shown to her only to tell her she can't eat it. Carm never remembers her semi-conscious conversations. One time, Laura had a full on discussion with her only to realize she's forgotten about it the next morning.

Laura doesn't know whether to jump in joy or cry. Carmilla finally said it, yet she won't remember she did.

She feels her eyes prickle with tears as she whispers, “You're killing me, Karnstein.” before reaching up to kiss Carmilla's forehead.

She doesn't tell Carmilla the next morning. Instead, she makes a ton of pancakes, and tells Carmilla to have a good day before going back to her bed and curling up, trying to keep her chest from bursting.

* * *

 She knows something is horribly wrong the moment Spencer called cut and Carmilla didn't stop. Already, she's making her way towards Carmilla, speeding up when she sees Ell touch the usually broody actor again.

She pushes her way through the camera and lights crew, shouting an angry “Get away from her!” as she drops to her knees beside the bed Carmilla is lying on, also pushing Ell's hand away. Immediately, she's stroking Carmilla's hair as the girl continues to sob, obviously unaware of everything around her even as Laura whispers comforting words to her.

Laura can feel her heart breaking as she hears Carmilla whimper “I'm sorry. I deserved it. Don't leave me.”

“Carm,” Laura whispers, her heart constricting at the sight, “I'm here, Carm. You're safe.”

“Is she okay?” Ell asks from behind her.

Laura immediately tenses up. She couldn't believe that this… this _bad person_ is still here when it's so clear that she's the reason Carmilla is having a panic attack. She even has the gall to sound worried! As if she actually cares about Carmilla.

Fuming, Laura turns around and glares at Ell. “Stay the hell away from her!”

Laura ignores the sudden silence on set after her outburst. She and Ell stare at each other until she shouts, “Leave!” prompting Ell to do just that.

She's mildly aware that people are watching, and that everyone in that room probably now knows that she doesn't like Ell. It's hard for Laura to care though because Carmilla is still stuck in her own mind, and she can't get out.

Laura dimly recalls the feeling of her lungs constricting and experiencing terrifying visions back when she's a kid. She shakes the unpleasant memory off.

It's only then that Laura turns back to Carmilla, once again trying to soothe in the midst of her panicked haze. It takes a few minutes, but after calling out Carmilla's name and holding her hand for a while, her sobs begin to subside, quieting to sniffles and whimpers, then to slightly uneven breaths.

“Carm?” Laura calls softly, taking one of Carmilla's hands between hers and gently removing it from the girl's face.

 _Finally_ , Carmilla's gaze focuses on Laura, and although her body is still tense, Laura can tell she's no longer in a daze.

“Carm, are you back with me?”

Carmilla swallows before nodding in response. Laura lets out a silent relieved breath before coaxing Carmilla to stand up, and leading her somewhere less crowded.

It's only when they, with Spencer and Perry, are in the production office that Laura lets the tension leave her body. She can't get her mind of the image of Carmilla breaking down, so she keeps her hand locked with Carmilla's for both of their comforts. Laura hopes Ell could stay away from then on. She doesn't think she can stand seeing Carmilla that broken again.

* * *

  _“Amanda!”_

_Amanda doesn't stop running even as Tyler calls out to her. She runs until she can't anymore, collapsing on her knees right beside the fountain where she and Ellia first became friends. She hadn't known back then, but it had been one of the most important events in her life. And now, all she can do is break down crying after leaving the love of her life in someone else's hands._

_“Amanda,” Tyler slows down next to her, panting. And although he's still breathing heavily, he wastes no time sinking beside her and wrapping his arms around her._

_She cries harder in his arms, wailing as her tears soak his shirt. He just embraces her tighter, as if letting go would shatter her._

_“I love her,” Amanda sobs, “I love her so much, Tyler. And I can't—I can't even help her. I can't even be there for her.”_

_“Shh, shh,” Tyler rubs his palm against her back in circles, hoping to soothe her, “It's okay, it's okay.”_

_She shakes her head desperately. “I never even told her,” she whimpers, “I never got to tell her that I love her.”_

_Tyler just continues to try to calm her down, but no matter what he says, there's nothing he can do to fix the girl's broken heart._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry but it's Laura's POV again! XDDD which only means getting them together would take longer because next chapter should be Laura again :D
> 
> do you see the pattern? I post Laura chapters when I'm struggling with the actual main story. but hey, we also get Amanda???? yey??? is that something to be happy about???
> 
> sorry but i'm telling you in advanced, next chapter is gonna take a while. How do people even write while they work?
> 
> cross your fingers that there will be an update before Carmilla Movie release
> 
> By the way, KORRASAMI COMICS. and seriously, who's still silently hoping either Natasha or Elise will have a cameo or something in Wynonna Earp. It's lit af. like i can count in one hand how many shows i liked season 2 better than season 1 (Carmilla is not one of them) because let's be honest, for some reason the writers are always able to remove a lot of things we loved from season 1 when they make season 2 so me saying WES2 is freaking awesome, then I'm saying it's FREAKING AWESOME
> 
> anyway i'll see you guys whenever


	14. Starring Laura Hollis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still Laura. Hopefully with more Hollstein.

**Chapter XIV: Starring Laura Hollis**

So that's worse than dental surgery.

After calming Carmilla down, Spencer and Perry tries to ask the girl about what exactly happened. Of course, Carmilla, being who she is, tries to play it off as if it's nothing.

She just had a panic attack. And she says it was _nothing_.

So of course, being who Laura is, she disagrees with Carmilla, because as much as she respects Carmilla's decisions, she can't just let the girl she loves spiral into self-destruction just so the girl can look badass.

It's their first fight. Like, real actual we-are-disagreeing-about-something-very-important fight. They've had arguments before, of course, but this isn't like the time when Carmilla off-handedly insulted the Tenth Doctor ( _“Really? This boring piece of shit?” “He's AMAZING, Carm!”_ ), or when Laura tried to defend Snape ( _“How can you still hate Snape after knowing how much he loved Lily?” “Because, Cupcake, learning about his oh so tragic love life doesn't change the fact that he's an abusive trash of a teacher, and only cements that he's a terrible person for being horrible to the son of the girl who friendzoned him.”_ ).

It's emotionally draining, arguing with someone Laura cares about so much, but they resolve it, and she thinks they understand each other a little bit more.

After a day like that, Laura doesn't really feel like going home to her empty apartment. She's thankful that Carmilla seems to feel the same way, because when she tells the broody actor she's not leaving her alone that night, there's a visible relief in Carmilla's body.

But of course, when they get to Carmilla's place, they find the door suspiciously unlocked, even though Carmilla swears she had locked it this morning.

They just can't seem to get a break.

“You stay here. I'm gonna check if there's anyone inside.” Carmilla tells her, quietly pushing the door open.

Laura's eyes widen when she sees the action and immediately takes a hold of Carmilla's wrist to stop her from opening it. “No way! What if there's a burglar or a stalker in there or something?!” she demands in a whispered shout.

“Which is why I'm going in first.” Carmilla explains as if it were obvious.

Laura feels frustration enter her once again. Seriously, why does she have to fall in love with someone with zero self-preservation? “Look, I am the daughter of a paranoid father. I'm the one who knows Krav Maga! I'm going in first.”

“This is _my_ apartment!” Carmilla retorts in the same manner. “I'm not gonna put you in danger because someone broke into _my_ place.”

Okay, that's fair but… “Ugh. Fine!” Laura reaches into her backpack and pulls out two of her dad's day of the week bear spray. Luckily, she forgot that the one from last week is still in her bag, and had routinely taken another can from her abundant supply. “We'll go in together. You take this.”

Carmilla looks questioningly at the can as Laura hands it to her. “...is this…?”

“Yes, that's my dad's secret formula bear spray. Much more effective than regular pepper spray.”

Carmilla rolls her eyes. “Of course.”

They quietly enter the apartment, each of them armed with a can of bear pray while staying close to the wall. They stop just before the open space between the living room and the kitchen, surveying the place. There doesn't seem to be anyone so Laura starts doing hand signals at Carmilla, telling her what to do.

Carmilla just frowns at her gestures. “What?”

It's Laura's turn to roll her eyes. “Go check your room! I'll check the bathroom.” she whispered loudly, beckoning Carmilla towards the opposite direction.

Carmilla follows her instructions with a sigh, but she ignores it, instead focusing at the task at hand. Carmilla may not have noticed, but the bathroom door is slightly ajar which iss unusual in Carm's place; not because she always closes the bathroom door but the opposite. Carmilla _never_ closes the bathroom door unless she's in it. And sometimes, even then. And while it's one of Carmilla's quirks that she really dislikes ( _gods_ , the hair in the shower drain), Laura acknowledges that this time, it proved to be useful.

She approaches the bathroom as sneakily as she can, hugging the wall. She lightly pushes the door in, looking around from the doorway first before entering when—

“Carmi—!”

“AAAHHHH!”

“AAAAAHHHHHHH!”

Laura yelps, instinctively spraying the person that just popped out from behind the shower curtains. Whoever it is, they are now screaming in pain from Laura's bear spray, cutting off whatever they were about to say.

Laura's heart is still pounding from fright when Carmilla gets there. She stops at the doorway, just behind Laura, to look at the scene and say, “What the hell?”

Laura instantly moves in front of the girl protectively. “Carm! I found the intruder!”

Carmilla ignores her, taking a step closer to the _still screaming_ stranger. “Laf?”

Wait.

_What?_

“Carmilla, oh thank heavens!” says the stranger—okay well, _not_ a stranger. “That is definitely not pepper spray! It is much more painful, and I would be really interested in the chemical formula of that spray, but _oh lord I think my eyes are melting_!”

Out of everything that has happened in the past ten seconds, Laura's brain seems to have chosen to focus on the fact that this Laf person can tell that it wasn't pepper spray, and that they somehow know that it's more painful. She also briefly wonders how many times one has to be subjected to pepper sprays in order to easily identify it from just how painful it is.

“Cupcake,” Carmilla brings her out of her jumbled thoughts, “Did your dad tell you how to wash his bear spray off in case you accidentally sprayed yourself?”

The Laf person looks horrified. “ < _Bear spray?!_ ”

Laura just nods guiltily. “Yeah. I'll go get the milk and the no tears shampoo ready.”

And that is how Laura met her in real life love interest's best friend.

Best first impression ever.

* * *

Laura tries to forget the date. She really does. She focuses on her scenes (which are unfortunately, devoid of any Carmilla) and reads her lines so many times she can probably recite them in her sleep.

Amanda is on a different level of broodiness for the next few episodes, and Laura is a little thankful for it. It's not that Laura won't be able to act well if her character needs to be happy, but it makes things easier for her. She doesn't really feel like exerting more energy by forcing a chirpy attitude.

“Amanda?” Elsie calls Laura as she tentatively approaches. “Are you alright?”

_Amanda_ , along with _Rebecca_ and _Billy_ , _Rebecca_ 's new vampire hunter kind of love interest (they don't really get together at the end of the season but it seems like it's gonna get there), just finished killing some of the rogue vampires that had been terrorizing the campus in the last few days. _Amanda_ had taken on three out of the six vampires and had been a bit roughed up.

Laura stands from the crouch she's on, pulling her swords from the ground where the vampire she had killed had been lying before it disintegrated into ashes. She doesn't acknowledge Elsie in favour of inspecting her swords, both having vampire blood from the battle.

“Amanda.”

Laura turns as Elsie calls her again, taking out a small but thick black cloth from her pocket as she replies, “What?”

“Are you hurt anywhere?” Elsie asks, looking over her friend, “I tried to get at least one off of you, but the vampire we fought was a little tricky. Did anyone escape?”

Laura shakes her head. “No, I killed all three.” She wipes her blades clean with the black cloth as she responds.

Elsie frowns. “Your swords got through their protective enchantments?”

“Like butter.” Laura sheaths her sword on her back.

“But how—”

“Look, Becca,” Laura interrupts, looking annoyed, “I'm not really in a mood to figure out why my swords can suddenly cut through magical barriers and kill vampires, okay? Can we talk about this some other time?”

They stare at each other for a moment, Laura looking bored and irritated while Elsie looks worried.

Elsie lets out a tired sigh. “Alright. I'll see you tomorrow.”

Laura marches off without another word.

…

…

…

“Are you okay?”

This time, it's Carmilla who asks her, and the worry in the girl's voice is enough to break Laura's obsessive attention on her script.

She looks up at Carmilla, who is standing right beside the chair she's been sitting on. Their eyes meet for a moment. Laura is going to say she's fine, but somehow, words are stuck on her throat as she receives Carmilla's worried gaze.

So she looks away, her eyes dropping back onto her script as she mumbles a soft “Fine.”

Carmilla doesn't move or say anything for a moment. Laura waits for her to do something, anything, and after several seconds, she feels Carmilla leave only to return immediately with a chair of her own.

Wordlessly, Carmilla takes the script from Laura's hands as she sits down, saying, “I'll read lines with you.”

Laura gapes at the other actor for a long moment. She still hasn't said anything even as Carmilla reads what is supposed to be _Tyler_ 's line. She only snaps out of it when Carmilla raises an expectant eyebrow at her.

Laura shakes her head, trying to focus. “Sorry. Can you say that again?”

“ _She misses you, you know._ ” Carmilla repeats. “ _She keeps saying it's for the best, but I can see it's killing her inside… metaphorically, not literally._ ”

“ _We're in agreement then._ ” Laura responds in character.

“ _Look, I know you're hurting, but throwing yourself at every danger you can find isn't gonna help anyone. You're just gonna end up getting hurt._ ”

“ _Every battle that I don't die just makes me stronger. And no, for once, I'm not quoting a stupid song._ ” Laura spits out, feeling the anger that _Amanda_ must be feeling. “ _Didn't Becca tell you? I killed three vampires tonight. So you're completely wrong when you said this isn't helping anyone._ I'm _becoming stronger. And soon, I'll be strong enough to protect—_ ” she cuts herself off, looking away when she accidentally meets Carmilla's gaze.

There's a pause before Carmilla sighs and reads _Tyler_ 's next line. “ _Alright. If this is what works for you, then I won't try to stop you again. But please, remember that you can't protect Ellia if you die, and when all of this is over, you'll be the person she'll want to be with._ ”

The scene ends there, but Laura just lets the words linger for a moment longer. She doesn't hear Carmilla close the script and stand up, too absorbed in her thoughts.

“C'mon,” Carmilla says softly as she takes Laura's hand. It snaps Laura out from her reverie. “Let's go grab a quick early dinner before your last scene. You'll need the energy for your stunts.”

Laura's all too willing to just follow Carmilla as the actor leads her to a nearby coffee shop. She had complained about the shop's hot coco before. It had tasted too artificially sweet. Laura didn't need to taste anything else before writing off the cafe. Carmilla liked their omelettes though, so even though the shop isn't her preference, she doesn't put up any fight as Carmilla leads them to a booth.

Honestly, Laura's sure she'd follow Carmilla anywhere, even to the cafe with the worst hot chocolate she's ever tasted.

* * *

 

Carmilla invites herself for a sleepover after Laura's last take (and if Laura is being honest, Carmilla doesn't even need to ask permission). They get to Laura's place near midnight and are settled in Laura's bed a few minutes after.

They lie in silence for a long moment, and even when she has her eyes closed, Laura can feel Carmilla watching her.

She waits for Carmilla to speak first, even though she knows that the broody actor wouldn't. Carm has never been one to pry. That's primarily the reason why it had taken them a long time to learn of each other's pasts. Neither of them likes sharing their painful pasts, and while Laura would've definitely pried Carmilla for more details if given the opportunity, Laura knows how hard it is to share something painful.

So when it becomes abundantly clear that Carm won't ask, and that Laura won't be falling asleep any time soon, Laura is the one to speak with her eyes still closed, “I won't get mad if you asked, you know.”

There's a pause, and Laura can picture Carm hesitating, but then she says, “I'm just worried about you.”

Laura meets her eyes then. Even with her tiny bed lights (that she had put up on the wall by her bed after she had found out that Carmilla doesn't like total darkness), they can only illuminate enough to make a silhouette of Carmilla's defined cheekbones. Her hand twitches with the desire to touch the other girl's face, but she stops herself, instead saying, “I know.”

Carm lets out a sigh. “What's wrong, Laura?”

Laura is prepared to just say it, but when she tries, it gets stuck in her throat. She swallows the lump, only just realizing then that she hadn't really told anyone about her mom. Not like this.

Her eyes were already watering when she finally answers, “My mom died 22 years ago today.” She sniffs, wiping a tear that she feels running down to the bridge of her nose. “Well, technically yesterday. And I know it's silly because it's been so long since it happened but...”

“Hey,” Carmilla stops her by putting a hand to her face. She revels in it for a moment, just feeling Carmilla's thumb caressing her cheek. “There's no expiration date for mourning. You loved your mom. Of course you'll still get sad.”

She couldn't stop the sob that comes out of her. “I saw her die, Carm.”

Carmilla just pulls Laura into her arms as the tinier actor breaks down. She rubs Laura's back soothingly, humming a few songs until Laura passes out from crying.

They don't talk about it the next morning, but Carmilla holds her hand throughout breakfast up until she has a scene, and only then does she let go.

Laura can still feel the warmth of Carmilla's hand in hers hours after.

* * *

 

“So what are your intentions with my best friend?”

Laf surprises her one day on set just as she's making her way to make-up.

Laura jumps a little. Laf has been on set almost everyday as they finish the last several days of shooting, dutifully posting spoiler free BTS content on the _SilasU_ official twitter account and Snapchat. Laura has been in a lot of those pictures, often while she's on break, getting her make up done, or simply watching others shoot scenes without her character. She also knows that quite a few of them contains both her and Carmilla. Perry seems to like their decision, seeing as _Amellia_ truly is one of the biggest selling points of the series. And adding the fact that most of _Rebecca's_ costumes are pretty spoilery, Elsie has only been allowed to appear in selfies.

(Elsie is totally fine with it.)

When she looks at Laf, they have their arms crossed over their chest, giving her a hard stare. Laura hasn't had the chance to hang out with Laf, too busy with shooting for them to spend any time outside set. She hadn't pegged them to be the type to give out threatening speeches though, so while their greeting isn't very promising, Laura keeps calm as she answers.

“Is this the customary bestfriend 'I'll kill you if you hurt her' speech?” Laura asks hesitantly.

“I'm the one doing the asking here, Frosh,” Laura grimaces at the nickname (that Laf only gave her after seeing a picture of her in her onesie of an anime character named Frosh), “So spill or I'll be forced to use nanobots to get your answer.”

Laura's jaw clenches. “Carmilla is the most amazing person I've ever met. She's been through so much, and that has made it hard for her to trust people, but even so, she's still kind. So my feelings for your bestfriend may not be platonic, but my intention with her has always just been making her happy, no matter what role I would have to play in her life, because she deserves it more than anyone.”

The two of them stare off for a moment, before Laf suddenly grins widely.

“Oh good, so you're not just oblivious after all.” They say happily, giving her a bit of a whiplash. “I would've been very disappointed if you two were mutually pining for each other while being totally oblivious of each other's feelings. Frankly, that's getting ridiculous especially with all the fanfiction I've been reading.”

Laura blinks several times in succession, trying to recover from Laf's sudden change in mood. “Wait, what?”

“Did you know that you two have over 3000 listed stories on ao3?” They continue. “Really, with that amount of support in just its first season, _Amellia_ could have a spin-off show and it would probably sell just as well.”

“You read _Amellia_ fanfiction?!” Laura repeats in surprise. Later, she'll wonder why of all things, her brain decided to focus on the little tidbit.

They just grin wider. “Maybe you should consult these stories so you'll have an idea of how to confess when you're both ready.” They pat her on the arm before walking off.

It takes Laura a few seconds to process what just happened. When she does, she abruptly turns to Laf's direction and calls, “Laf, wait!” They face her in response. “You… Carmilla and… I thought you were mad?” Laura's words come out like a question.

They just smirk back. “Why should I be? Just keep on making her happy, yeah?”

Dazedly, she nods, and they just go on their merry way to wherever they are going.

Later that night, when she, Carmilla and Laf have dinner, she watches them warily. The science red head doesn't show any indication of their conversation earlier even as Carmilla notices her distraction and asks her what was wrong.

Laura just shakes her head. She guesses this is one of the things that they have to pretend to have never happened.

* * *

Laura has to pretend she's unconscious for the rest of the scene, which means listening to Elsie choke when Ell lifts her by the neck (there are ropes, she knows) and let out pained noises while they finish shooting the scene where _Rebecca_ 's acquired magical powers (from when they defeated the coven master in season 1) gets sucked out of her by _Simone_ in order to complete the ritual that would enable the coven master to use _Ellia_ 's body as a vessel.

That also includes watching Carmilla scream in pain as the ritual finishes, which makes Laura's gut clench uncomfortably even though she knows it's just acting.

After _Ellia_ gets possessed, they do a wide-shot of Ell and Carmilla's scene where Laura, Elsie and Dillon can be seen. And after that is the last take of the season.

_Simone_ and the coven master in _Ellia_ 's body kiss before leaving the three remaining protagonists on the ground and unconscious.

Some people might think that Laura's jealous, what with staring at the two like a hawk during the whole take, but what she's feeling is far from that.

Carmilla has assured Laura that she'll be fine, and that she has prepared herself mentally and emotionally for this last scene. But no amount of reassurance will ever stop Laura from not worrying about Carmilla when it involves Ell.

So the moment that Spencer calls cut on the last take, Laura wastes no time to run towards Carmilla, who is on the other side of the set, and jumping into her arms—quite literally.

Carmilla lets out a low grunt and stumbles a little when Laura crashes into her, but she manages to stay upright, instantly wrapping her arms around Laura as the other girl holds on to her like a koala.

Their hugging initiated an applause and more hugging between staff and the other actors, but neither of them lets go, wanting to be somewhat alone in the crowded set.

“I'm so proud of you.” Laura mumbles against Carmilla's neck, tightening her embrace.

Carmilla seems just as unwilling to let go. “I couldn't have done it without you.”

Laura doesn't realize they've been filmed until the BTS comes out two months after the finale of season 2 is aired, when a season 3 has been confirmed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I MADE IT. Just in time before the Fan Expo so please if you're reading this and you're going record it and post it on youtube and pretend this chapter is a bribe for you to do that
> 
> Eleventh is my first doctor so he's my fave, and an unpopular opinion i have is that i really don't like Rose XDD just saying, the way Amy met the doctor was waaaaaaayyyy better (and heartbreaking) than how Rose met Ninth. also Martha is the bomb. don't kill me about the Snape thing too because the whole "Always" thing just seemed to me like _"it's okay to be a fucking horrible person if you were dumped"_
> 
> anyway, i found a long note i wrote about Carmilla being the one who keeps heading first to danger and Laura becoming the more selfish one in the scene, which supposedly is a bit OOC but then *insert long ass Hollstein analysis here*
> 
> tldr Laura and Carm are more alike than was initially portrayed and season 3 proves that when Carmilla is the one doing the self-sacrifice to save everyone and Laura is the one being selfish and not agreeing to sacrifice Carm *sobbing* I LOVE THEM SO MUCH
> 
> Carm chapter comes back after this. no idea what'll happen tho XD man i hope they get together soon. this is the 14th chapter already and hOLY SMOKES 800 KUDOS
> 
> so imma celebrate in the corner :DDDD thank you everyone!


	15. Philosophies and Drama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla likes the Principle of Sufficient Reason. She also does something.

**Chapter XV: Philosophies and Drama**

A week before the premiere of _Silas University Season 2_ , the main cast are invited for an interview in a late night show. _Sunday Nights Live_ is the biggest show that has invited them to date. Apparently, Dana, _SNL_ 's current host, is a big fan of _SilasU_ and has watched the show since its pilot.

Plus, she's pan and ships _Amellia_ so she's okay in Carmilla's books.

Unfortunately, since the whole main cast for season 2 are going, it means Ell will be there too, and also unfortunately, sitting next to Carmilla.

(At least Laura is on her other side. Talk about love triangles.)

Dillon, Elsie and Sarge, who plays Elsie's new love interest, are sitting on the couch, while Ell, Carmilla and Laura are on stools behind them during the interview. If Carmilla's chair is a little closer to Laura than Ell, Carmilla will deny moving it right before they show the season 2 trailer before they go live.

“So Ell,” Dana begins after the short informative questions about _SilasU_ is over, “You're a surprise regular this season. Can you tell us anything about your character?”

Ell gives Dana that bright smile that makes Carmilla want to gag. It's awfully too familiar for her. “Of course. I'll be playing _Simone_ , a spellcaster, a little similar to _Tyler_ but her powers mostly derives from chants and spells, instead of just magic power and natural instinct. And because of this, she's able to provide information that the group so desperately needs.”

“And how does the _SilasU_ gang react to _Simone_?”

“Generally, she's accepted. But her presence does create tension between some of them.” Ell teases charmingly, totally captivating the audience, “I don't wanna spoil anything, but it's gonna be amazing.”

Carmilla stops herself from rolling her eyes and instead exchanges dry looks with Laura. She makes really soft side comments a few times (while covering her mic of course), and it makes Laura giggle the whole time.

It's a pretty short interview, and mostly focused on Ell's character, but with Laura smiling so widely like that, Carmilla can't complain (much).

* * *

Carmilla watches as Laf and Laura hug each other at the airport, just several meters from the gates. During the two weeks that Laf had returned, a bond had already formed between the two. It's almost as if it's always been the three of them, like her friendship with Laf and her _a-little-more-than-_ friendship with Laura, two originally exclusively mutual things, fit together like a puzzle. There's almost no adjustment, and no matter how stupid Carmilla thinks it sounds, they kinda are a BROT3.

(Carmilla is actually growing to like the term because it explains their relationship quite perfectly.)

She waits for them to break apart before grabbing her best friend into a hug herself, messing their hair up even as they complained. Laura giggles in the sidelines, while Laf retaliates by lifting Carmilla up and shaking her.

When their shenanigans are over, Laf lets go, whispering with a grin. “Let Laura take care of you, okay? I'm sure all those veggies she makes you eat will add at least five years to your lifespan.”

Carmilla rolls her eyes at this. “You just want to make me suffer.”

“The opposite, really.” They say with such seriousness, despite grinning while they spoke, that Carmilla pauses. But then, they're picking their bags up and patting her on the shoulder one more time. “I'll see you on Christmas, bad seed.” They turn to Laura before she can even react. “Hey Laura, I expect you on Santa day too!”

Laura smiles widely. “Definitely.”

Not long after, Laf is out of sight, and there's nothing left for them to do but leave. Carmilla won't admit that she's a little sad, but Laura knows anyway. Before they go home, they grab some burritos and Laura treats her to a smoothie.

(Carmilla kind of loves her because of it.)

* * *

Contrary to popular belief, Carmilla doesn't see Laura everyday when _SilasU_ isn't filming. Of course they make sure to hangout at least once a week, and those hangouts usually end up as sleepovers or maybe a whole day thing, but they're not _that_ attached to the hip.

(Laf has bore witness to this, although they did comment on the fact that even though the two actors don't see each other daily, the text messages are a constant, something that is highly unusual to their broody best friend.)

So on one of those totally regular days where Laura is on another audition (that girl never stops, Carmilla can swear), Carmilla finds herself going to her sister's firm a city over.

She hasn't called to tell Mattie she's visiting, and while Carmilla acknowledges that it's a little rude to just show up unannounced, she knows that Mattie won't really mind. (Also, Mattie has done the same to her before so Carmilla's just evening the score.) And Carmilla knows that, with what she's going to ask Mattie, she'll only bail if she calls in first, and this is too important to just chicken out of.

The Belmonde, Ouaknine  & Windle Law Firm looks grander that the last time Carmilla was there four years ago. She isn't really a big fan of lawyers (despite her sister being one and liking both Mel and Steph, the two other names on the Law Firm), so the only time she ever hangs out with Mattie is outside both of their work.

(The incident with Ell is an exception.)

Carmilla enters the building, and finds that Mel's secretary, Samantha (Carmilla calls her Sam), no longer serves as the receptionist. She knows that Sam technically got promoted to an actual secretary two years ago and now has her own office, but it's still a little strange to notice all the changes. Not to mention, she doesn't really have an appointment so unless she runs into someone who knows that she's Mattie's sister, there's no way she'll be allowed to go visit her.

She walks straight to the now fancier front desk and talks to the man behind it, inquiring where Mattie's office is.

But instead of answering, the man's eyes widen when he looks at her as he says, “You're Carmilla Karnstein.”

Carmilla pauses. It's the first time that an older person recognized her and actually called her out on it. By Carmilla's guess, the man should be around his forties. “Uhm, yes. Can I help you?”

“My daughter loves  _Silas University_ and _The Prugatory_.” He admits with a smile. “She's twelve. I watch your shows with her, and you and Laura Hollis are her favourites.” He explains with a hint of pride.“She came out to me recently, and I didn't really know how to react. I don't really understand it. I love her, of course, but there isn't really a book on how to understand your teenage daughter, especially your lesbian one. Your shows really helped us bond, and now she's not afraid to tell me about her life because she knows I support her, no matter her sexuality. It really helped out a single dad like me.” He spills out, and for a moment, he looks embarrassed.

“Wow,” Carmilla is speechless. Although she's heard coming out stories from fans and how their shows had helped them, there's a certain special feeling knowing that they help the parents understand their children too. How much the shows she's in means to people still astounds her, but she hopes it will continue to do so. “That's amazing. I'm so glad our show can help parents like you too.”

“Not only your show, but your support to the LGBT community is something I'm really thankful for.” He adds. “It's one thing to see someone like her on TV, but seeing a real person talk about their sexuality, and validating those feelings that younger LGBT kids have? It's life changing for my little girl. There are no words that can express how thankful I am for all your work.”

Carmilla feels her eyes burn a little, a telltale sign that she's about to cry. She blinks rapidly to stave it off, unable to find the words to reply to that. It gives her a strange bittersweet feeling, knowing she's helping this man's relationship with his daughter while knowing that she never had one with her mother. She knows _Maman_ despised the fact that she's a lesbian, and had only really allowed her to date Ell because it had been the only way to get her to stay. She sometimes wishes her mother had been someone supportive like this man, but at the same time, wonders if she would be helping as many people as she is now if that had been the case.

(“ _[…] we cannot find no true or existent fact, […] without there being a sufficient reason why it is thus..._ ” as Leibniz had said.)

(Carmilla thinks this is her sufficient reason on why she had to have that terrible childhood.)

She looks at the man in front of her and smiles, “That means the world to me, thank you.”

They chat for a short while, Carmilla asking the man, Rico, about his daughter. In the end, he asks for her autograph, and while she does sign his notebook, she also suggests to record a video for his daughter.

“ _Hi Max. Carmilla Karnstein here. I just want to say thank you so much for supporting our show, and I hope you know how lucky you are to have such a supportive dad. I hope we can meet in the future. I'd love to hear your stories. I'll see you later, Creampuff.”_

* * *

The fan reactions to the midseason finale, aka the _Amellia_ breakup episode, are as intense as Laura had predicted.

A small function hall had been rented for the screening of the episode where fans are able to watch with the cast and crew. Of course, Carmilla and Laura are there, and just like everyone else, it's the first time they'll see the final version of the episode.

As they had expected, they had used the take where Laura and Carmilla did an ad lib, bringing several fans around them to tears. Laura affectionally grabs Carmilla's head with a hand, a weird gesture that means Laura's really proud of her acting, and Carmilla just responds by taking the same hand and tucking it against her stomach.

The atmosphere with their fans soon gets to them, and Carmilla ends up tearing up while Laura sniffles beside her. Even Elsie and Dillon can't help their verbal reactions, mostly telling _Ellia_ off about how stupid she is while cooing at the heartbroken _Amanda_.

All in all, the screening is a success, and it only brings more excitement to other fans who would be watching at the regular time.

When the episode airs on TV the next day, it takes approximately 2 seconds after the breakup scene for twitter to explode.

_**@Carmillasjawline: @SilasU @Laura2theLetter @HeyCarmilla** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO #SilasUs2 #Amellia_

_**@supergay: @SilasU** fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckityfuckfuck tell me this didn't just happen #SilasUs2 #Amellia #tellmeitsfantasy_

** _@demABS: @SilasU_** _i understand why ellia did it but damn amanda my sweet child doesnt deserve that. she deserved the truth #Amellia_

** _@AmandaHollstein: @SilasU_** _I hate that #Amellia broke up but I kinda expected it. Ellia is definitely the stupid self-sacrificing type when it comes to Amanda_

** _@SgtLauraofArms: @SilasU @Laura2theLetter_** _and **@HeyCarmilla** nailed this scene. Kudos! #Amellia_

** _@TrashCan: @SilasU @HeyCarmilla_** _saying “I never said I love you” FUCKED ME RIGHT IN THE FEELS IM SOBBING_

Endless mentions containing basically the same thing flooded Carmilla and Laura's twitter accounts, all of them cursing the midseason finale yet at the same time praising it.

It's something that only the breakup of a beloved lesbian couple can probably achieve.

Carmilla is a little amazed at how Laura is able to read and reply to numerous fans. She even shows Carmilla the more amusing ones and replies to them if she can. Carmilla gives up by the tenth notification, turning off her phone for good measure because, while she appreciates her fans, she doesn't really take fancy to scrolling through hundreds of twitter posts even if they feed her ego.

Laura is still on her phone when they settle to bed that night. There's a tiny celebration after the screening that has left Carmilla a little tipsy so Laura insisted that she go home to Laura's place. It's closer, and knowing Carmilla, there's probably no food at her apartment.

(Both those statements are true, but what really got Carmilla to agree is the fact that she hasn't hung out with her Cupcake in weeks, the two of them each having jobs since the last interview for _Silas University_ with the whole cast. It's definitely a good thing for them since they're getting more stable work, but she misses her on screen love interest, dammit.)

Laura is lying on her stomach on her usual side of the bed (which is left), typing another reply to another random fan while Carmilla slips under the covers on her side.

(She briefly muses how many times they had to sleep on the same bed until they made an unspoken decision whose side is which.)

Carmilla lies on her side, watching Laura smile and giggle at her screen, kind of feeling neglected over social media. She whines loudly, grabbing the pillow Laura is lying on to catch the tiny blonde's attention. “You know, if I'd known you'd be more interested in twitter than me, I'd have gone home instead of sleeping over.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Laura scrambles as she lifts her body up a little so Carmilla can take the pillow, all the while with her eyes glued to her phone. Carmilla snuggles to her newly acquired item, grumbling and burying her face into it. It smells like Laura. “I'm just gonna reply to this last tweet and then I'm all yours… oh look, Carm!” she trails off, only to start again. She scoots closer to the broody actor, removing the pillow from Carmilla's face before showing the girl her phone.

_** @SilasU:** Shoutout to our very talented ladies, **@Laura2theLetter** and **@HeyCarmilla**! Our #Amellia hearts are breaking!  <Image attached> _

It's a BTS picture of the _Amellia_ breakup scene. They had just finished shooting, and Carmilla and Laura are holding each other tightly as they tried to move on from the emotions of the very tasking scene. They had both still been teary eyed, and it shows in the picture.

“This picture would've been cute if we weren't crying,” Laura says, taking one last look at her phone's screen before setting it down on her side of the bed. She wiggles around for a while until she's under the blanket as well, facing Carmilla. There's a tiny grin on her face as she asks, “So how have you been doing? Got any cool stories from your guest role in Mysteries of Murdoch?”

Carmilla can only smile back at her. “Eh. It was nice.” She shrugs, but at Laura's insistent look, she continues. “The cast members are pretty cool, but ice skating was my favourite part. It's been years since I last skated.”

“You what?!” Laura exclaimed, scandalized. “You live in freaking Canada! How can you not skate for years?!”

Carmilla rolls her eyes. “While ice skating by itself is an enjoyable pastime, the weather that comes with it, I'm not exactly fond of.”

“Oh.” Laura deflates, seemingly in thought for a few seconds before grinning. “I forgot, you tend to look like an overstuffed teddy bear in winter.”

“I have pale skin. My complexion isn't exactly the right tone to efficiently absorb heat and sunlight.”

“But you hate summer too. You easily get sunburnt.”

“I'm not gonna repeat what I just said.”

Laura just giggles as they both lay on their sides, facing each other. For a moment, Carmilla just watches her, studying the crinkling of the bridge of her nose and the laugh lines around her mouth. It's incredibly sappy for her to think of this, but Carmilla can't believe she was able to survive several weeks without Laura.

(Her smile, her crinkling eyes, her giggles, her warmth.)

“I missed you.” Laura says, gazing at Carmilla so tenderly she feels her heart melt a little.

Carmilla lays a hand between them, palm up. Laura puts hers on top, and Carmilla holds onto it. “I missed you too.”

They stay silent for a long moment, merely basking in each other's presence. Carmilla thinks she won't mind all of her nights ending like this.

“Carm?” Hesitantly, Laura opens her mouth to speak. “Can you…?”

“I'm not turning the lights off, Cupcake.”

Laura groans loudly before leaving the comfort of her bed to switch the lights off.

They end up catching up on what happened to each other for the past six weeks. Laura excitedly babbles on and on about Christmas, which would be in two weeks, and when her dad will come, and then Laf would be back too.

Carmilla falls asleep to Laura softly humming Christmas tunes she hates.

(She doesn't exactly mind.)

* * *

 

They're lounging around Laura's apartment the next day watching Doctor Who ( _“Because, Carm, the next doctor is going to be a woman, and this demands a Doctor Who rewatch!”_ ), when someone knocks at the door. Laura isn't expecting anyone, so when she stands up with a confused frown on her face, Carmilla follows a few steps behind as Laura answers the door.

Carmilla doesn't expect an older man with a balding head and a suitcase beside him to be grinning and exclaiming “ _Hey, sweetie!_ ” when Laura opens the door. She also doesn't expect Laura to squeal and jump-hug the man as she said “ _Dad!_ ”

And Carmilla definitely doesn't expect to meet Laura's father wearing Laura's Christmas themed homemade sweater (which looks horrible) and TARDIS pajamas.

“You must be Carmilla,” Laura's dad says when his eyes land on her. He let's go of Laura and approaches the other actor, holding out a hand. “Sherman Hollis. It's nice to finally meet you.”

Carmilla is not at all prepared for this. She freezes, stiffly taking his offered hand to shake as firmly as she can. Her mouth dries, and she can only nod and say, “Same.”

* * *

 

“So what can we expect from _Amellia_ this season?” Dana asks, prompting a loud applause from the audience.

The pair trade glances, but Carmilla nods to Laura as encouragement. “Actually, Danny Lawrence, our co-star in _The Purgatory_ , is a big fan of _SilasU_ , and she asked us the same thing.” Laura answers. She pauses as another bout of cheers start. “So I'm gonna tell you guys what Carm and I told her—crap hits the fan.”

There's a short reaction of worried murmurs until Carmilla interrupts to say, “No, you said _shit_ hits the fan.”

The audience erupt into laughter as Dana, good-naturedly, scolds Carmilla for cursing on national TV. Elsie, Dillon and Sarge are laughing loudly. Even Ell is smiling. But Laura, who Carmilla focuses on entirely, is giggling madly while holding onto her arm.

And how can Carmilla not smile at that?

They finally finish the segment, but not before Dana explains to Carmilla why _'shit'_ is not allowed to be said live in _SNL_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know twitter names so i get creative
> 
> Also I'm posting this kinda sooner than I would normally because I just recovered from my Carmilla Teaser Trailer coma and i love them so i'm gonna write about them
> 
> also maybe this is a little bye bye for now chapter because i am soooooo busy with work i'll probably not be able to post until a few weeks after the movie is released soooooooooo yay?
> 
> btw i don't remember much about my philosophy subject but Leibniz stuck to me because it's basically "everything happens for a reason" which is a quote that was totally ripped off from Leibniz so whoever quoted that need to update his sources because Leibniz was here first yo don't take credit
> 
> also like.... the thing with Ell???? gahd in my mind she's not Dom her because Dom is def so much prettier and less asshole but this story wrote itself waaaaay before the whole Dom is Ell announcement so let's pretend this Ell is not the Ell in canon but an Ell that we all conveniently use as an antagonist to add drama to Hollstein so just picture a generic bad person named Ell.
> 
> i also realize that sometimes you guys might need to like backtrack on previous chapters to know what scene on SilasU exactly i was referring to and... XD i dunno. I wonder if any of you can even arrange all the Amellia/SilasU scenes and put them together chronologically. I dunno. Probably not. but hey, if you can then congrats for actually understanding my scatter brain of a mind hahahaha
> 
> and that's all she wrote... for now... thanks for reading!


	16. How Are We Not Canon?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If Carmilla gets a dollar for every time someone assumes she and Laura are dating or asks if they are, she'd have enough money to buy her own ship.

**Chapter XVI: How Are We Not Canon?**

_**Lafonbrain:** _ _I assume you don't use tumblr_

_**Lafonbrain:** _ _so imma just send you this_

_**Lafonbrain:** _ _< image file>_

Carmilla receives these messages one morning about a week before Laf is scheduled to come back. Bewildered from suddenly being woken up, she just taps the file sent to her and waits for it to load.

Attached to the message is what seems like a screenshot of a post from tumblr. She thinks it's called a  _gifset_ , and it consists of pictures of her and Laura on random interviews and panels. Aside from it being a  _Hollstein_ post, one noteworthy similarity between the pictures is the fact that Carmilla seems to be talking in all of them, while Laura is looking at her.

And then she reads the caption that says:

_**Laura “Hearteyes” Hollis + Carmilla “Object of her Affections” Karnstein** _

It's nine in the morning and honestly, Carmilla is still a little delirious so the first thing that comes to her mind when she sees the screenshot is that she and Laura make a pretty cute couple.

The last time she's seen a  _Hollstein_ post in tumblr is way back in season 1 when  _Hollstein_ was just starting to become a thing. She'd stayed away from that cursed site since then, and even Laura who had continued showing her gifs only sends her  _Amellia_ ones. Not to mention, Carmilla can clearly remember that back then, it had been  _Hearteyes Karnstein_ .

She thinks that it's only fair that Laura gets the hearteyes tag too.  _Hearteyes Karnstein_ makes Carmilla sound like a romantic softie, and she definitely isn't one.

Before she has the chance to think more about it, Laf sends another text.

_**Lafonbrain:** _ _also this_

_**Lafonbrain:** _ _< image file>_

It's another screenshot, but this time, the random pictures are of her and Laura separately. She's not surprised when she reads the caption.

_**Laura Hollis and Carmilla Karnstein + Sharing Clothes** _

Carmilla's leather jacket and her  _Phases of the Moon_ tank top; and Laura's red plaid shirt and her moss green jacket. So? They share clothes sometimes. But of course, the fans would notice it and make a big deal out of it.

Carmilla can't deny that they do look cute in this post as well, and it brings back memories from the first time they had ever shared clothes.

Carmilla stealing Laura's red plaid shirt, the very same one on the gifset, in hopes of irritating Laura, and Laura retaliating by taking Carmilla's leather jacket. It had been the first time that Laura ever smiled at her (not the polite smiles that Laura puts on when she had to play nice with Carmilla, but a genuine  _reaches-her-eyes_ kind of smile), and if Carmilla were being honest, it's also the moment she became obsessed with Laura forever.

Her phone buzzes again as she receives another message.

_**Lafonbrain:** _ _you two aren't even subtle about it. also I found some very disturbing rps fics about you 2_

Carmilla frowns as she begins to realize why and who exactly had woken her up.

_**Carm:** _ _do you know what time it is_

_**Lafonbrain:** _ _since you didn't use punctuation marks like you usually do I assume before noon_

_**Carm:** _ _it is 9 in the fucking morning lab rat_

_**Carm:** _ _i will kill you when you get back_

_**Carm:** _ _and why the fucking hell are you looking for fanfiction about laura and me_

_**Lafonbrain:** _ _Laura and I_

_**Lafonbrain:** _ _ha! I finally got to tell you that for once!_

_**Lafonbrain:** _ _also I was curious and curiosity killed the cat. And while it brought it back the mental scars that i've gotten cannot be removed. I might need to program memory erasure into my nano bots_

_**Carm:** _ _serves you right_

_**Lafonbrain:** _ _rude_

_**Carm:** _ _come back in 3 hours_

Carmilla buries her head under her pillow grumpily, ignoring the vibrations of her phone signalling another text. The pictures she' d seen pops back into her mind though, and she smiles a little as she recalls Laura's face.

She falls back to sleep with the image of Laura giving her hearteyes in the morning while wearing Carmilla's pajamas.

* * *

Having lunch with Laura feels natural and simple, like she's done it her whole life and she doesn't need to put up pretences (like eating as messily as she wants to without the fear of being scorned like mother used to do).

Having lunch with Laura and _her father_ makes her feel the need to impress him with every little thing.

It's not the same as it was with her mother. Back then, she's the proper little girl because she had known there would be consequences if she even showed a tiny bit of imperfection, but this time, with Sherman Hollis, Carmilla wants him to _like_ her which means actually using the table manners that she had learned when she was a kid.

Unsurprisingly, they go to Nancy's (the diner near Laura's apartment that they usually eat at when Laura runs out of cookies), and Carmilla wishes she's been less… messy in all the times the two of them had eaten there, because now that she's asked for a knife and fork to eat with her ribs, both Grace and Laura gives her this look of surprise that she only pleads Sherman doesn't see.

(Sherman is busy looking through the menu's nice selection of homemade steaks as she sends the two women a hard stare, as if challenging them to say anything. Grace takes one look at Sherman and just smiles, as if knowing exactly what Carmilla is up to. Laura just shakes her head, all the while pursing her lips to prevent herself from giggling.)

When Grace finally leaves after taking their orders, Sherman turns to them with a bright smile which causes Carmilla's stomach to drop. “I'm glad I caught you girls home today. I know you don't have work for a few more days, but I wasn't sure if you have other plans, you know?”

“You should've told me you were coming early. I could've come to pick you up.” Laura says, smiling brightly at her father.

“I wanted to surprise my little girl!” Sherman says with as much enthusiasm as his daughter would've. Carmilla finds it oddly endearing. “So tell me about this thing you mentioned last week. You said it was for _Silas University_ too?”

Laura then goes on to enthusiastically explain the midseason break content that they had filmed in between shooting the series. The main cast are put in pairs, each pair with a different challenge or something the other. Carmilla hadn't really paid attention when Perry had discussed it with them. All she had cared about is that she and Laura will be paired while Ell will be with Sarge.

Laura is in the middle of explaining what a _Girlfriend Tag_ is supposed to be when her phone vibrates on the table. She quickly grabs it, frowning when she sees Mattie's name on her screen. When she looks up, the two Hollises are looking at her, one with curiosity and the other with worry.

Mattie should be at work right now, and Laura is well aware that Mattie isn't the type to give social calls during work hours. Carmilla shares a look with the tinier Hollis before standing up and saying, “Sorry, I gotta take this.”

She doesn't look back at the table as she exits the diner, answering the call as soon as she's stepped out. “Mattie, is there something wrong?”

“ _Hello, Carm. And no, nothing wrong, darling,_ ” Mattie assures her, but there's a certain tone in her voice that makes Carmilla nervous, “ _I do have something to tell you though. Remember that therapist you asked for?_ ”

She swallows nervously. “Yeah?”

“ _Well, I got in contact with her, and she said she won't be able to see you until next year._ ” Carmilla sighs, whether in disappointment or relief, she's unsure. “ _But,_ ” she straightens out again. “ _A patient of hers cancelled this morning. If you're free, she can see you today, after lunch._ ”

Carmilla bites her lip. She isn't sure if she's ready to see a therapist right now. She had thought she'd have time to mentally prepare for it, but delaying it will just give her the chance to change her mind later.

She sighs heavily. “Alright. Text me the address. I'll be right there.”

“ _Excellent._ ” Mattie says, obviously happy with her decision.

Carmilla hums. And then pauses. “Thanks, Mattie.”

“ _Any time, cherie._ ”

Once she can hear the dial tone, Carmilla pockets her phone and strides back inside, making a quick trip to the counter. She immediately grabs Grace's attention, paying for the Hollis's and her meal, and asking her order to be made to go. She goes back to their table to say a quick goodbye, apologizing for her leaving.

Sherman seems understanding enough (or at least Carmilla hopes so), but Laura frowns at her worriedly as she grabs her coat from her seat. Laura stands up, telling her dad that she'll walk Carmilla outside before quickly stepping beside Carm and walking together to exit the diner.

“Is something wrong? Doesn't Mattie only call after work hours?” Laura asks, that worried frown still on her face.

Carmilla taps the scrunched up skin between Laura's eyebrows playfully. “Don't worry your pretty head about it.” Laura's frown smooths out, and Carmilla smirks at this. “It's nothing bad. Mattie just urgently needed me to get to an appointment, that's all.”

“What kind of appointment?” Laura questions.

“I can't tell you right now, but soon,” Carmilla replies, doubt still in her mind about this whole therapy thing. But Laura doesn't look convinced with her vague answer so she just says, “Trust me?”

“Always.” Laura's reply is immediate, and it makes Carmilla's chest fill with warmth.

In a rare, and frankly uncharacteristic, action, Carmilla brings Laura into a hug, wrapping her arms around the slightly smaller girl's shoulders and rubbing her cold nose against Laura's neck. Carmilla welcomes Laura's warmth as they embrace, reminding herself that this is why she's doing it. Not for Laura, but for herself.

To give herself a chance to have that kind of happiness again.

She presses a quick kiss just below Laura's jaw before she lets go, saying a short “I'll see you later, Cupcake,” before heading off to the direction of her apartment with the smell of Laura's hair lingering in her nose.

* * *

Carmilla has a shoot three consecutive days starting the day after Sherman arrived, and Laura has two days off before having work until the day of Christmas Eve. Which thankfully meant that Carmilla really had no reason to see Sherman during those days, though it comes with the price of not seeing Laura for a whole six days. Thankfully, the day before Christmas Eve, Laf comes back, and Carmilla, fulfilling her best friend duties, went to get them from the airport.

And by that, Carmilla meant grabbing an Uber for the two of them one she met them at the arrivals area.

She updates them on their way home; about the extra content they had filmed for _SilasU_ , the photoshoot for that magazine that Carmilla actually likes (because of their leather apparels), and, once they arrived safely in their shared apartment, her first therapist appointment.

Laf lifts her up in a hug, making her grunt at the unexpected attack. “I'm so proud of you!”

Carmilla just grunts again, and Laf takes it as a sign to let her go. They are still grinning as she settles on her own two feet. “Yeah, well, figured it was about time.”

“Agreed. So was it like a casual get to know you meeting first, or did you get straight into the nitty gritty of your dark and painful past?”

Carmilla shrugs. “Both, I think. The therapist wasn't what I was expecting.”

“And what were you expecting?”

“I don't know? Someone who's clinical maybe. But definitely not someone who can tolerate me.”

“By which you mean your snark and general rudeness?” Carmilla sends them a look. They hold their hands up. “Your snark and general rudeness are my favourite things about you.”

“Nice save.”

They spend the rest of the day grocery shopping for their little feast the next day, armed with the shopping list Will had provided them. He had done most of the planning, and if history is to be used as an example, he'd be doing most of the cooking as well with Carmilla and Laf doing the chopping and washing dishes while Mattie drinks up a whole bottle of her ludicrously expensive champagne.

Laura and Sherman would be joining them some time in the afternoon. Laura had also said they would be bringing the traditional Hollis desserts (which are kept secret until the next day), and for the first time in years, Carmilla feels excited and nervous at the same time.

(Laf notices and teases her about it. She flips them off, denial instantly coming off her lips, but she can't seem to stop herself from practically skipping around the store as they bought groceries.)

* * *

When Carmilla's phone rang loudly, the first thing she does is groan just as loud.

It feels as if she had just fallen asleep, and when she saw that the outside world is still pitch black, she concludes that _yeah, she had just fallen asleep_.

She grabs her phone form under the mass of her blanket and answers the call without really looking who it is, fully prepared to give, whoever this person is, them hell for waking her up.

But when she answered the phone with a grumpy “What?!” Laura's response immediately causes all the annoyance and sleepiness in her to evaporate.

“ _I'm really sorry, Carm,_ ” Laura apologizes, and Carmilla sits up, instantly knowing that something is wrong from the tone of Laura's voice. “ _I mean I know it's like really late, or early actually since it's already morning, but I just—I was hoping you were still awake what with your vampire sleeping schedule, but I guess you were actually sleeping, and I woke you up, and I'm just really—_ ”

“Laura,” Carmilla interrupts Laura's rambling, her voice much softer, “Are you alright?”

Carmilla hears her take a trembling breath. “ _Yes… No… I just,_ ” Carmilla waits patiently as the other girl struggles to explain. Laura takes another breath and lets it out in a gust. “ _We're kind of filming my last scene, practically the last scene of this gosh darn episode, and like, everyone's tired and stressed, and we all want to go home but we can't because I keep messing up!_ ”

Carmilla can hear Laura's voice waver in that certain way whenever she's about to cry. Carmilla's chest twists in knots at the thought.

“ _We're supposed to do this scene, and I have a bit of lines, but I either mess them up or I mess my acting up. And we keep on cutting and taking again and again, and I'm pretty sure there's been like twenty takes at least, and everyone probably hates me for delaying everything and I just—_ ”

“Cupcake, breathe,” Carmilla says calmly, knowing that it's what Laura needs. This isn't the first time that she had an anxiety attack due to work.

The first time that Carmilla knows about is during the filming of the scene in _SilasU_ season 1 when _Amanda_ is attacked, and _Ellia_ gets hurt saving her. It had taken them around ten takes (much less than what Laura had thought), and almost half are for coverage. They had to take a break for fifteen minutes when Laura kept messing up her lines or her stunts, and Carmilla had been there to witness the little cupcake's breakdown. She had cried in a bathroom for a while, and Carmilla had stayed with her, rubbing circles on her back and telling her that she's doing a great job. After that, Laura had come back to continue filming and practically nailed all of them.

So as gently as she can, Carmilla tells Laura, “I'm sure you'll get the next one. Just take a deep breath and let it out slowly, okay? Follow the sound of my voice.”

Inhale, one, two, three, four, five.

Exhale, one, two, three, four, five.

They stop when Laura's breathing has evened out, but she still sounds a little frazzled. She tells Carmilla that she's hiding out behind the equipment trailer, and that she's too embarrassed to face anyone right now. She tells Carmilla that she's probably never gonna get hired again after her performance, and everyone she's working with won't want to be in the same project and that she won't get to live her dreams anymore.

Carmilla has been trying to interrupt Laura's rapid descent to hysteria, and when Laura reached that point, she had no choice but to cut her off as loudly as she can through the phone, shouting Laura's full name for extra effect.

It works, and Laura stops as if waiting for Carmilla to continue. “Cupcake, you are an amazing actor. I have worked with you more than anyone else, and I know how dedicated and talented you are. Everyone who has worked with you will also agree with me, and I'll bet my favourite leather jacket that every single person you're working with right now would love to work with you again. This is just the start of your career, and you'll get that disturbing dream of yours of dying in the middle of a take with the scene being used in a movie. Do you hear me?”

Laura sniffs loudly through the phone, and she whimpers an agreement.

“So don't you worry, okay? You're gonna get this stubborn take, and you're gonna be amazing. Because Laura Hollis is just about to shake the world of acting, and I'll be the one screaming your name the whole time like a rabid fan.”

There's a moment of pause from Laura's side before she softly asks, “ _Even though I woke you up, and I'm a ball of anxiety and probably look like the undead right now?_ ”

Carmilla can't help but smile at the image that formed in her head. “Cupcake, I'm the number one fan of who you are at 3 am.” She confesses. She's glad that Laura seems calmer now. “And really, you're probably the only person that can get away with waking me up at this ungodly hour.”

Carmilla hears Laura sniff again, but this time, it was mixed with a little laughter. She hears Laura take a few deep breaths, pepping herself up before speaking again. “ _Okay… okay, I think I'm good. I'm sorry I woke you up, Carm._ ”

“I just told you it's fine, Creampuff.” She says, lying down once as she feels the crippling worry leave her body. She closes her eyes, relaxing a little. “You think you can finish filming?”

“ _Yeah, I think so… no, I know I can._ ” Carmilla smiles at Laura's reply. “ _I'm sorry for just dumping all of this on you. I just didn't know who to—_ ”

“Laura,” she cuts the rambling girl off once again, but this time with a more playful tone, “You've dealt with worse of my shit. I could care less if you called me while I'm masturbating.”

There's a choking sound from Laura's side, and it's only then that Carmilla realizes what she just said.

She tries to bury her face under her pillow. “Forget I said anything.”

“ _I think you're falling asleep, Carm._ ” Despite her mortification, Laura's quiet giggles makes the loss of dignity almost worth while. She just listens as Laura's laughter dies down, fading into soft breaths that Carmilla is more than content to listen to. After a long moment of silence, Laura murmurs, “ _I should let you go. It's late._ ”

“Technically, it's early.”

Carmilla can hear the smile in Laura's voice as she replies. “ _You're right. All the more reason for me to hang up and let you sleep. Not to mention, I should go back and finish this scene. I don't want to keep everyone here longer than they need to be._ ”

“Is your dad gonna pick you up?”

“ _Nah. I told him he should sleep, since he always does most of the cooking anyway. He just gave me an extra can of bear spray just in case I need it. I think he's starting to believe that I can take care of myself after living away from him for more than eight years._ ”

“Do you want me to get you?” The words slip out of Carmilla's mouth before she can think more of it. She hears Laura's intake of breath, and she can only assume the worst. She covers it up with a lame excuse. “Just to make sure you won't accidentally bear spray your Uber driver.”

“ _Aren't you tired?_ ”

“I am,” Carmilla admits, “But I don't think I'll be able to sleep until I know you killed your scene.”

“ _You don't have to pick me up. I can just call you when I'm done._ ”

“I don't have to do a lot of things that I want to do, Cupcake.”

Laura doesn't reply immediately, and Carmilla holds her breath. After a long moment, Laura finally asks. “ _Are you sure?_ ”

Carmilla silently lets out her breath in relief. “Yes. You can even sleepover so you won't have to pay an extra twenty dollars to get to your apartment.”

“ _Okay._ ” Laura says, and Carmilla can't stop a smile from reaching her face. “ _I'll see you in thirty?_ ”

“Will do, Cupcake.”

They return to Carmilla and Laf's shared apartment just a few minutes before 5 am, both stumbling into bed without changing their clothes. Laf finds them a few hours later, still unconscious to the world. They take a picture of the two cuddled up, before locking Carmilla's door. The two actors sleep through most of the morning until Laura is waken up by a frantic call from her father who had been worried when she hadn't been home that morning. She quickly leaves, promising both Will and Laf (whom have started cooking preparations) that they will be coming by later with desserts as promised.

Carmilla wakes up hours after Laura had left, greeted by a cute note on the pillow next to her head with a drawing of a cupcake at the bottom.

_Thank you for everything, Carm. I didn't have the heart to wake you after your sweet gesture this morning. Now I just have to explain to dad that I wasn't kidnapped._

_I hope you get enough sleep. Hollis tradition means we stay up playing board games until sunrise, and then open presents before passing out due to sleep-deprivation. I'll see you later._

_– Cupcake <3_

* * *

For the midseason break over the holidays, Perry, and everyone else who had a say, decides to release extra content rather than the traditional holiday themed episode. They had decided it to be done in pairs: Elsie and Dillon, Sarge and Ell, and of course, Carmilla and Laura.

Each pair has different topics or activities to do. Elsie and Dillon end up with some weird candy eating activity while Sarge and Ell do some charades. Carmilla almost rolls her eyes when she finds out that she and Laura are stuck with _The Girlfriend Tag_ , grumbling at how predictable it is.

(Laura thinks it's a great idea though, so Carmilla keeps her mouth shut.)

“Carm and I aren't dating,” Laura says at the beginning of the video, already expecting the _Hollstein_ shippers to freak out. “This is an _Amellia Girlfriend Tag_ , so to our dear _Hollstein_ fans, get your minds out of the gutter.”

“Or keep it there. I don't mind.” Carmilla winks at the camera, and all Laura can do is look at the other actor in shock and embarrassment.

They decide to answer it as both _Amellia_ and themselves, seeing as they're close enough that a some of the questions can also apply to them.

_Amellia_ 's first date (off-screen) is walking around the campus and just spending the whole day together ( _“Sap.” “Ellia was injured! There's no way Amanda will let her do anything strenuous. And it's not like Ellia will agree to delay their date until she's fully healed.” “Fair point, Creampuff.”_ ), while their first _'hangout'_ that's not work related is going to a library and spending the whole day reading next to each other ( _“It's impossible to get Carm to move.” “I like big books, and I cannot lie.”_ ). _Amanda_ has met _Ellia_ 's adopted parents through Skype, but neither Laura nor Carmilla has met each other's parents ( _“I've met Carm's siblings though!”_ ). _Amellia_ 's first kiss is the scene in the last episode of season 1, and coincidently, also _Hollstein_ 's first kiss ( _“It's an earlier take of the scene though. It's not the one in the episode.” “We had to practice.” “Carm!”_ ).

There are other questions, raging from changing each other's eye colour ( _“Why would you mess with perfection?!”_ ) to exposing Laura's cookie addiction. But with the last question in the challenge, they get a little too sentimental for Carmilla's taste.

“She was just this prissy little overachiever, always too early on set, and too tightly wound, and just too cute for her own good. So it was really easy to tease her. She was always mad at me because of that, but then one day, I was trying to annoy her like usual, stealing her shirt and parading around like it was mine, and instead of getting mad like I expected her to, she laughed and just took my leather jacket.” Carmilla explains when they are asked about how their relationship grew like _Amellia_. “I was so baffled that I asked her why the sudden change, and she just shrugged and told me she was wrong for assuming who I am so quickly,” she turns to Laura only to find the other girl already looking at her. Laura's gaze is so warm and fond that Carmilla's heart begins to race at the intensity. She meets the blonde actor's eyes as she says, “that I deserved better than to be judged on my actor persona.”

For a moment, they just look at each other, and Carmilla wonders how it's possible for Laura's hazel orbs to have green flecks in a certain light. It mesmerizes her, and she almost misses it when Laura speaks.

“I'd forgotten about that.”

Whatever veil had fallen between them is instantly broken at her words. All at once, Carmilla remembers the camera and the crew filming them, and what exactly they were doing.

And so, she gives the most deadpanned look she can manage and looks right at the camera. “She doesn't even remember it.”

Laura seems to shake herself off as well, immediately complaining “That's not what I meant!” and defending herself with excuses that Carmilla easily bats away. Carmilla pretends to be deeply hurt by Laura's remark, and she just laughs at Carmilla's antics, knowing fully well that the broody over-dramatic actor is just messing with her.

They end the _Girlfriend Tag_ with the cliché but appropriate _'opposites attract'_ , and when their videographer yells _'Cut!'_ , Carmilla wonders when the space between her and Laura had disappeared.

(She doesn't mind it.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm supposed to post this tomorrow after proofreading it thoroughly because i was lazy but the diva mag just got released and i heard they actually asked Negovanman the age old question..... are they dating? XDDD and i thought it would be hilarious if it coincided with this chapter so here we are!
> 
> side note, i wrote 50% of this chapter half asleep and didn't get to edit it and proofread it and stuff.... sorry!
> 
> also, anyone saw the _Baka Bukas_ reference???? no???? okay
> 
> i think there's a little B99 there as well and the more obvious ones like the Girlfriend tag. that was fun
> 
> btw i actually have a draft of the scene with the therapy session but i removed it because i'd be lying if i said i've been in one so i don't know how they go (my references are tv shows and... Inhuman Condition). i might post it on my tumblr but i might gloss over those scenes in the future until i've gotten enough research
> 
> also can i just say i hate how ao3 parses rich text with italization? i have to edit the html code to make it look proper every chapter
> 
> anyway there was so many stories after the Carmilla Movie and i was in a Carmilla Coma and i just wanted to read everything and watch the movie ten times and maybe rewatch the whole series even more times and yeah XD
> 
> *whispers* tell RunWithWolves that i love her


	17. Family Holigay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No, that wasn't a spelling mistake. And no, Carmilla doesn't appreciate her family teasing her about her feelings for Laura.

**Chapter XVII:** **Family Holigay**

The extra content videos are released on youtube as a holiday present to the fans. To no one's surprise, the _Amellia/Hollstein Girlfriend Tag_ rakes up a hundred thousand views within the first twenty-four hours. Carmilla thinks the title is a bit of a click bait, even though she and Laura technically did the couple challenge as themselves.

Themselves in a completely platonic friendship with no romantic feelings whatsoever.

There are several comments in the video that had expressed their disappointment when Laura had clarified that _no, they're not dating, and that hasn't changed since the panel back in season 1_.

Carmilla silently laments with them.

 **Hollstein3rdWheel  
** _Hollstein: *moves closer to each other throughout the video_  
*summarizes their relationship to 'opposites attract'  
Talk about having a MAGNETIC chemistry

 _**Claire Vouyant  
** _ _can you believe Hollstein invented chemistry_

 _**HaughtDamn  
** _ _If they moved any closer to each other Laura would be on Carmilla's lap_

 _**LauraGotBack  
** _ _the way they look at each other <3 <3 <3_

“Are you secretly watching _Hollstein_ videos?” Carmilla slams her laptop closed when Laf suddenly speaks. She looks behind her, twisting in her desk chair to look at Laf who is smirking in that annoyingly smug way that they do.

Carmilla scoffs, “I'm just checking the fans' reactions. Feedback is essential if we want to keep our following strong.”

“Feedback. _Suuuure_.” They move further into Carmilla's room, holding out a phone (it's Carmilla's phone and it's unlocked. What the frilly hell?) as they approach her. “By the way, since you're already curious, I think you'd appreciate this.”

Without any more explanation, they hand her the phone and quickly walk out, not even giving Carmilla a chance to react. She finally looks at the phone screen, and Carmilla is pretty sure she's never blushed that hard before.

It's a fanart, an _Amellia_ fanart, that Carmilla acknowledges is very well done, but it's also very much steamy and sexy and it's bordering on porn. And all the tag says is:

_**Did Amellia bang at the end of the season?** ' ~~Yes.~~ ' _

A part of Carmilla died that moment.

* * *

“This is like a meeting of the in-laws.” Mattie elegantly laughs as Carmilla scowls at her from her lasagne building space. “So tell me, Cherie, have you actually talked to the little moppet's father?”

“I haven't,” Carmilla grumbles, putting another layer of uncooked lasagne on top of the cheesy white sauce. Will had mentioned earlier what they're actually called but Carmilla hadn't really listened, too busy trying to distract herself from the anxiety of her family meeting Laura's. Not to mention, there's now a chance of having a one-on-one talk with Sherman, something that Carmilla just knows in her gut will happen. “The day I met him, I had to go right after we ordered to meet Dr. Grey. And _I know_ ,” Carmilla interrupts when Will opens his mouth to speak, “not the best first impression. Hopefully, paying for his lunch that time will make him hate me less.”

“Pssh. Can you stop it with your negativity? You're affecting my cookie decorating mood.” Laf says, squinting their eyes as they designed the latest batch of shortbread cookies with the gold sugar beads. Their tongue peeks out a little in concentration.

“Yeah, and just saying, Tiny doesn't really seem like the person that would break up with you if her father doesn't approve.” Will adds as he stuffed the turkey until it's overflowing.

Carmilla stops in the middle of putting a layer of red sauce on the flat pasta layer just to gape at her brother. “ _We are not dating_.”

“Does her dad know that though,” Laf pipes up.

Carmilla's head snaps towards their direction. “Why would he even—”

“You were in Laura's apartment with the both of you in pyjamas when you first met him.” Will reminds.

“That doesn't—”

“And as much as I like Gidget, that girl could talk for days if you let her.” Mattie also puts her two cents in, and really, Carmilla has never felt so attacked in her life. “You really think she hasn't babbled about you to her father?”

Carmilla opens her mouth to retort, but nothing comes out. She growls when she realizes this, and resorts to just glaring at her family. “I hate you all.”

Mattie laughs, while Laf just hums dismissively. Will is the only one with a verbal response, saying “Love you too, Kitty,” with that annoying smug grin of his. Honestly, if he weren't cooking their dinner, she'd have kicked him out already.

And as if the universe is ganging up on her, her phone vibrates. And to absolutely no one's surprise, it's a message from Laura telling her that they're on their way.

A few minutes later, her phone vibrates too many times in a row, and when she unlocks it, she's greeted by a hundred notifications from Instagram because Laf had tagged her in a post.

The picture is of Carmilla, a baking tray half-filled with lasagna in front of her, smiling lightly as she looks at her phone. Will can be seen in the background making funny faces, but it seems like it's the caption that really got people's attention.

 _**LaFilphormes** _ _Ms. Grumpy Pants just smiled for the first time today. I'll give ya'll two guesses who she's texting. Hint: She's tiny, and her name sounds like Lara._

**View all 58 comments**

_**I.Am.Will** _ _Is it Laura Croft?_

 _**GingerDannyNotZuko** _ _I have NO IDEA who this can be._ _**@Laura2theLetter** _ _do you know anyone who's name sounds like Lara?_

 _**StarkaTee** _ _who can this mysterious mystery woman be?! we need more hints!_

…

…

…

“LAF, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!”

* * *

As it turns out Laura's special secret dessert is Leche Flan. She proudly announces that she cooked them while the rest had been prepared by Sherman. They seem to have taken a liking to Filipino desserts because, Laura reasons, _'They're so easy and quick to make but they're all so yummy!'_ And yes, that's verbatim coming from Laura herself. Carmilla's almost worried about the amount of sweets that they have. Out of the three dishes that the Hollises had brought, two are desserts, and it's not like Laf hadn't been making cookies the whole day. Carmilla can swear that they have enough sugar in her apartment to last a month.

(Sherman jokingly says that Laura will most likely be consuming most of the desserts. Carmilla has to laugh, especially when Laura's face immediately reddens at the statement.)

The night goes surprisingly normal. And Carmilla knows that she's being overly sentimental if she says this, but it's as if the Hollises have been spending Christmas with them from the beginning.

Sherman, as Laura has told her, is the chief of police in their hometown. Somehow, Mattie being a lawyer had given them something to talk about, and in a rare occasion, Carmilla realizes her sister is genuinely interested in their conversation. Will, of course, bonded with Sherman through sports, and Carmilla is pretty sure that's all they talked about. With Laf, Sherman is very enthusiastic on learning about their gender and is completely respectful of it. Carmilla is silently glad about it.

Carmilla is content to just sit and listen, particularly, when the tiny blonde beside her on the dining table laughed.

Dinner is a lively affair. Carmilla's family had never been one to talk animatedly during meals. Laf usually drones on about their science experiments or something the other, and Will never fails to share things that had happened in a random photoshoot. Carm and Mattie usually just listens and responds, yet never actively taking part of the conversation. But with the Laura and Sherman, they seem to make it their personal mission to get everyone to share.

It's quite tiring, having to socialize that much at ten in the evening, but her chest feels warm as she sits on the couch with a glass of eggnog, listening to the others continue to chatter away in the dining area. Her heart has never felt so full before.

“Hey,” Laura softly calls out as she approaches Carmilla, eggnog also in hand, “Mind if I sit with you?”

Carmilla just smiles and reaches out her hand to grab Laura's. They settle into the cushions, a respectable distance between them as they face each other, the side of their heads resting against the back of the couch.

“How are you feeling?” Laura asks quietly, as if speaking louder than a whisper could break the spell between them. “You haven't talked much throughout dinner.”

Carmilla smiles lightly, “I like to listen,” she explains, “It seems like your dad is getting along well with my siblings.”

Laura lets out a soft laugh. “Yeah, Laf was interrogating him about his bear spray formula when I left them. And Mattie thought that me accidentally spraying them was hilarious.”

“Of course, she did.”

They stay like that for a moment, drinking eggnog and trading soft gazes. Carmilla can hear their families still chatting, but she can't bring herself to exert more effort to listen to them. She just sits there, unmoving, and basking in Laura's presence.

She's never felt so happy.

“Yeah?”

Carmilla opens her eyes, having closed them earlier as she relaxed. It takes her a moment before she realizes she had said the words out loud.

Embarrassment is the first thing that passes in her mind, but she sees Laura's eyes, so open and earnest and hopeful, that she just melts and says, “Yeah.”

“Me too,” Laura tells her, reaching out with her free hand to hold Carmilla's. She laces their fingers together as she admits quietly, “I don't remember being this happy since my mom died.”

Carmilla tries to meet her eyes, but she was stubbornly looking down at their hands. Somehow, Carmilla has an inkling on what she's about to say. “Laura… you don't have to if—”

“I want to,” Laura stops her. Finally, she meets Carmilla's gaze. “Will you listen?”

Carmilla scoots just a little bit closer, and holds her hand just a little bit tighter. “As much as you want to.”

Laura tells Carmilla about cookies on weekends, pine scented candles and gingerbread cookies, and getting her favourite Doctor Who blanket on their last Christmas with her mom. She mentions how she doesn't remember much, about how her mother spoke to her or if they ever played together. She says that sometimes, she's so afraid that she'll forget her mother's voice that she won't be able to do anything until she played the old video tape of her mother holding a newly born Laura in her arms, all clad in a hideous hospital gown.

She tells Carmilla that it's the only tape she has of her mother, because her mother had believed in living in the moment instead of recording it, and that's the reason why she's a little obsessive with documenting things for posterity.

She tells Carmilla that the last thing she can remember about her mother is the day of the car accident, that her mother had been getting her from a relative's house, but on the way home, a car t-boned them at an intersection. She says in a tearful voice how her mother, with a broken arm and spine, reached over to unlock her seatbelt so she can exit the car that had been filling up with suffocating smoke. And she's almost sobbing as she says that her dad told her she had tried to save her mom by opening the windows, but that her mom hadn't made it to the hospital alive because of her injuries.

She tells Carmilla that the last thing her mother ever said to her was _'I love you, Monkey.'_

Carmilla tries to wipe the tears running down Laura's cheeks, but they won't stop. Laura just cries quietly for a while, Carmilla holding her close. The chatter from the dining room has died down, but Carmilla is thankful that, for some unknown reason, they had all stayed there, as if they know that the two of them need privacy.

Laura's still sniffing when she finally speaks again. “Sorry.” She backs away a little to wipe the snot from her nose with the sleeve of her sweater. “Look at me, crying and whining because my mom loved me. You even have to comfort me when you've had it so much worse.”

Carmilla shakes her head. “Don't compare your maternal experience with mine.” She leans in again, bringing their foreheads together. “You had something precious taken away from you, Laura. Of course, you can be sad. When I left home, I had everything to gain. It's no comparison at all.”

Laura gazes at her so softly that it almost takes her breath away. “Will you tell me about her?” She pauses, her eyes widening slightly, “I mean… not that you have to if you're not ready, or if you don't want to at all. I just… I didn't—I didn't tell you about my mom so you'd tell me about yours. You don't have to feel obligated to share. I was just—”

“Laura.” Carmilla interrupts, caressing Laura's cheek with her thumb, “I want to tell you about it.”

Laura nods. “Someday?”

“Someday.”

* * *

Carmilla wakes up lacking any feeling in her right arm. When she opens her eyes, she looks down only to find blonde hair obstructing the view of the right side of her body.

Somehow, she and Laura had fallen asleep on the couch all cuddled up. Laura seems to be holding her arm tightly (not that she can be sure due to the numbness), and half of the tiny blonde's body is on top of her. She also notices that a thick blanket is laid over them, keeping them toasty warm despite the coolness of the morning that Carmilla can feel on her cheeks.

Carmilla rubs her free hand over her face, trying to rid herself of the sleepiness. She has no idea what time it is, or how long they had been sleeping, but she hasn't felt this well rested in a long time.

“Good morning, Carmilla,” Carmilla turns towards the source of the voice, only to find Sherman all dressed and ready for the day, standing at the other end of the couch. “Looks like you're the first one up. Would you mind helping me prepare breakfast? I'm not sure where a lot of your cooking utensils are.”

Carmilla blinks at him, wondering (and dreading) what exactly he's thinking with his daughter draped over her (and probably the whole night if her arm has anything to say about it), before shaking her head and replying in a raspy voice, “Yeah, sure, I'll be right there.”

It takes a bit of maneuvering to get Laura off of her without disturbing the Cupcake, and a little bit more time until her arm finally regained feeling (after a full minute of enduring the pinpricks that comes after the numbness). She tucks the tiny actor in, putting the blanket up to her chin and brushing away a stray lock of blonde hair, before she stands up to join Sherman in the kitchen.

They work around each other, preparing a hearty meal from the leftovers the night before, because apparently, after she and Laura had fallen asleep ( _“For the first time in two decades, she actually fell asleep before sunrise!”_ ), the rest (meaning Carm's family) popped out the champagne and got ludicrously drunk with Sherman.

(Carmilla asks how he's up before eight in the morning if that happened. He says _'body clock and high alcohol tolerance'_.)

Sherman is toasting the bread on some grill pan while Carmilla is breaking eggs into a bowl when he asks, “So what are your plans with my daughter?”

She accidentally crushes the egg in her hand at the sudden question. Thankfully, it broke over the bowl and nothing spilled. She tries to keep her voice calm, taking out the broken shells from the eggs as she replies, “I think you misunderstand. Laura and I aren't dating.”

“Oh, I know,” is Sherman's easy response, “And I think it's you who misunderstand.” He quickly and efficiently transfers the toasts onto a plate before facing Carmilla fully. “Trust me, I'm not trying to intimidate you or anything, but Laura has told me enough about her side, and why you two aren't dating. And don't even try to deny this _thing_ between you two,” Sherman holds up a finger when Carmilla opens her mouth to interrupt, “You might've forgotten everyone else during your late night talk, but we were all there to witness it. Laura hasn't told anyone about her mother in a long time. The fact the she told you all of that… well, you're someone special to her, Carmilla, and I can see you care a lot about my little girl too. I just need to know if this _thing_ between you will ever be anything more, because I'm afraid you might end up hurting each other.”

Carmilla stares into the bowl of possibly over whisked eggs. She mulls over his words, but she's not entirely sure how to answer it. “To be honest, I don't know, Mr. Hollis.” She admits, still not looking at him. “I want to. And I'm trying everything I can to be someone worthy of her, because _goddess_ knows she makes me happier than anything… but I don't know when, or _if_ I'm ever going to be that person.”

Sherman doesn't reply, but when Carmilla looks at him, he has an understanding expression on his face. Since she's already being honest, she's absolutely terrified of what he's about to say. “I see… Well,” he claps a hand on her shoulder before taking the bowl from her. “I'm sure you already are that person, Carmilla, but it's up to you when you're ready to see that for yourself.”

That… is not what she's expecting. But Sherman just goes on and starts cooking the eggs, not even bothering to give Carmilla another look. She stands there unmoving until he tells her to get another plate to place the eggs and to set the table.

She's just placing individual plates on the table when Laura wakes up, walking towards them as she sleepily rubs her eyes. Carmilla notices her first, and she can't help but smile at the sleepy blonde. “Morning, Cutie.”

Laura smiles back, opening her mouth to reply, but is unknowingly cut off by Sherman who happily greeted his daughter with a loud “Happy Christmas morning, Sweetheart!”

Laura lets out a soft laugh. “Happy Christmas morning, Dad.” Then, almost shyly, she turns to Carmilla. “Morning, Carm.”

It seems the universe doesn't want to give them privacy because it's at that moment that Laf comes stumbling out of their room, Mattie in tow, saying loudly “Happy non-denominational holiday! I smell bacon.”

“And I need coffee,” Mattie states as she heads straight to the coffee pot.

Breakfast happens once they're able to drag Will's hungover ass to a seat. It's a pretty quick thing, what with Laura jabbering non-stop about opening presents and getting Laf and Will excited as well. Carmilla hasn't even finished her coffee when Laura bounds to the plastic Christmas tree that she and Laf were able to dig out. The thing is shorter than Laura, yet, when she had seen it the day before, all she had said is “I'm surprised you even have a tree, but it's a good thing I brought decorations!”

They take turns opening a present, going around in circles until they've exhausted theirs. Some of the interesting ones that others get is Will's weird cartoon sex pillow given by Laf ( _“It's called a dakimakura!”_ ), a set of small sharp and scary statuettes for Mattie given by Laura ( _“If you're trying to get on my good side, you little moppet, then it's working.” “Pssh. I'm already on your good side.”_ ), and Sherman's new _Feminist Dad_ sweater with a list of feminist statements at the back from Carmilla.

(Everyone looks at her for a long uncomfortable moment. She breaks the silence with an irritated “What? Laura suggested it.” Sherman is the first to laugh.)

Carmilla has a gift for Laura as well (a simple cupcake cap that Laura proudly wears with a “You're lucky I'm cute in everything.”), and so does Laura for Carmilla (a red plaid shirt that has a striking similarity to Laura's own, and when she voices this, Laura just says “So you won't feel the need to steal my clothes all the time.”), but unknown to everyone else, Carmilla had bought an extra gift, something that's more personal than the one she had left under the tree.

Once Mattie and Sherman leave, both to get proper sleep in their own bed (or temporary bed in Sherman's case), and Laf and Will go out to shoot a Holiday vlog, Carmilla uses this chance to give Laura her real present.

They're back in Carmilla's room, having decided before hand to sleep in a bit more despite that fact that they had been the first ones to get knocked out the previous night. Laura's rummaging through her overnight backpack for some clothes to change into when Carmilla brings it out.

It's a black box as large as her palm. It's simple but elegantly tied close by a green ribbon. Carmilla merely waits for Laura to turn around, holding the box with both hands, and when she does, Carmilla remains still as she watches the surprise on the other girl's face.

Laura's jaw drops slightly, and after a long moment of her not saying anything, Carmilla explains. “This is my real gift.” She says, reaching out for Laura's hand and tugging the other girl closer. “I uh… I didn't really want to give you this with everyone else watching, so I just bought a stupid gift to put under the tree.”

Carmilla nervously gives the box to Laura, letting her hold it between her hands. She still looks surprised, but the softness in her eyes when she looks at Carmilla almost makes her forget how to breathe.

“You got me another gift?” Laura asks.

Carmilla just nods. “Open it.”

Almost delicately, Laura pulls at one end of the ribbon, easily undoing the bow. She takes one last look at Carmilla before removing the top of the box, revealing a green jewelled pendant.

Laura carefully trails a finger along the jewel as she says, “It's beautiful.” But then, she pauses, looking back at Carmilla with an excited smile. “Pine?”

“Yes, it's pine scented.” Carmilla explains, taking the lid from Laura and dropping it onto her bed. “I remember you telling me that it's your favourite scent before, that it helps you keep calm when you're getting anxious. Now I know it's because of your mom, and I hope you won't think I'm overstepping boundaries.”

Laura immediately shakes her head. “You're not. It's wonderful.”

Carmilla smiles. She takes the necklace out of the box and holds the jewel in front of Laura. “The scent on the necklace won't last forever, but the jewel is hollow. If you push a little at the side here,” she demonstrates, popping the jewel open, “it'll reveal the oil soaked cloth a little, so you can still smell the pine scent. As for the colour… I just thought it matches your eyes especially because they have green flecks sometimes.”

“I...” Laura's voice trails of as Carmilla reaches up to slip Laura's head through the cord of the necklace and down to her neck, the green jewel hanging low between her breasts. She cradles it in one hand, inspecting it for a moment before looking back up at Carmilla. “I don't know what to say.”

Carmilla lifts an eyebrow teasingly in an attempt to hide her nervousness. “Say that you like it?”

Laura shakes her head. “I _love_ it, Carm.” She brings Carmilla into a tight hug, and the broody actor can't help but melt into it. Carmilla nestles her nose against Laura's hair, smelling the light aroma of hot cocoa, pine and Laura's natural scent.

Carmilla thinks she can get used to all her Christmases if they will always be like this.

“Wait,” Laura suddenly pushes her away, putting a frown on her face. “I have something for you too.”

Carmilla barely has time to register Laura hastily digging through her bag once again before she returns with a small rectangular box (predictably) wrapped in a festive gift wrapper. She immediately hands it to Carmilla, urging the girl to open it.

The moment the black leather is revealed, Carmilla gives Laura a disbelieving look before hastily ripping the rest of the gift wrapper and opening the small leather bag it had been encasing.

“I don't really know much about instruments so I just read through the music forums and blogs to have an idea what kind to buy.” Laura explains as Carmilla holds the steel instrument in her hand, tracing the letters engraved on its side. “I know you've been meaning to buy a harmonica for a while, but I wanted to make it a bit more special so I had it personalized. And maybe it's not as great you're gift to me, because really, this necklace is so beautiful and thoughtful and not even a hundred harmonicas can top it, but—”

“Laura,” Carmilla stops the other girl's rambling with a hand to Laura's arm. Carmilla then puts the harmonica to her mouth and begins to play it.

The melody of _Amazing Grace_ resounds through the quiet room. For a moment, everything seems to stop. It's just Carmilla and Laura, and music. The sound of the harmonica is rich and smooth, and as Carmilla goes through the song, she can't help but simply fall in love with the instrument that Laura had given her.

When she finishes the song, she opens her eyes to the sight of Laura, looking at her with this sort of amazement that she can't quite comprehend. Laura has always thought that Carmilla's amazing, and while Carmilla disagrees, she can't help but feel special whenever Laura looks at her like that.

She inspects the harmonica in her hand, looking more closely at the letters of her name that had been engraved on it, and Carmilla falls a little more in love at the idea of Laura putting so much thought into her gift. “I love it.” Carmilla says. She then looks back at Laura and pulls the shorter girl by the neck to leave a kiss on the Laura's temple. “Thank you.”

* * *

_**Carmilla Karnstein  
@HeyCarmilla ** _

**My heart is full**

_12/24/15, 10:07 PM_

|

_**Laura Hollis  
@Laura2theLetter ** _

**@HeyCarmilla <3 **

_12/24/15, 11:25 PM_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you know that someone lives in a tropical country? They completely forget that winter is a thing. So yeah. The whole time I was writing this, I didn't even consider snow which in retrospect is kind of a missed opportunity for me. CAN YOU IMAGINE HOLLSTEIN IN THE SNOW MAKING SNOW ANGELS AND SNOWBALL FIGHTS AND WHATEVER? I can't because i've never seen snow irl. One day I swear
> 
> and I keep forgetting things about holidays and Christmas because we don't celebrate so sorry hahaha  
> also, I don't know if you got this, but the tweet at the end of the chapter was posted right before Carm sat on the couch in the middle of the chapter… how can you tell? Well it was mentioned that it was ten in the evening when Carmilla went to sit on the couch and the timestamp on the tweet is a little after ten so XD DETAILS
> 
> Anyway, I totally planned to post this chapter around Christmas. Yep. It's not because I was just to lazy to update more often and it was pure coincidence that this happened.
> 
> LAF AND PERRY ARE JEWISH. I'm pretty sure of that. I can't believe it slipped my mind last chapter. It's canon that Laura spends Christmas with her dad though so I at least got that right
> 
> also no mistletoes. it's cliche and seriously creepy if you think about it and it completely slipped my mind which i'm thankful of. i'm scolding my past self for ever thinking that mistletoes are romantic
> 
> Happy New Year!


	18. Ships and Wars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are ships. There are wars. And there are ship wars. For Carmilla, it's not really about the last one.

**Chapter XVIII: Ships and Wars**

_Silas University_ comes back from hiatus two weeks after the New Year, and fans are abruptly reminded that their favourite _wlw_ couple is now broken up.

(The angst is real.)

It's not unusual for Carmilla to get messages or tweets lamenting the fact, and while she really has no patience to answer them all, she does keep their hopes up by retweeting her favourite _Amellia fanarts_. Laura is mildly impressed ( _“I can't believe you know what retweet is.” “Shut up.”_ ), and she follows Carmilla's example by taking it one step further and convincing Carmilla into _Amellia_ themed selfies.

_**Laura Hollis  
@Laura2theLetter** _

_#AMELLIAFOREVER  
<image attached>_

Both Laura and Carmilla are in _Amanda_ and _Ellia_ 's trademark clothes. Laura is wearing a flower print top with Amanda's signature high ponytail, and Carmilla is wearing a jean jacket (that she absolutely did not steal after the first season filming was over). They're sitting side by side, holding a piece of paper with the words _#AMELLIA_ using one hand each.

This simple picture is enough to reignite the flames of shipping in each _Amellia_ shipper's heart.

* * *

New Year's Day comes and goes, and Sherman leaves to go back to Ontario just a few days after. And soon enough, Laf goes back to doing their impressive nerd work. Will and Mattie also go back to their own jobs, leaving Carmilla with an empty apartment once more. It's pathetic, she thinks, how she immediately misses the ruckus that her family briefly brought into her living space. But then she thinks about dealing with all the teasing about Laura, and suddenly she feels better about them being gone. As much as she loves them, they're annoying.

(Laura, who is somehow not privy to all the teasing happening to Carmilla and why she's annoyed, just coos at her when she grumpily flops down onto her couch with a _“Good riddance,”_ before staring at the Christmas tree that she had forgotten to put away with Laf.

_“You're cute when you pretend to be all aloof and uncaring.”_ Laura says.

_“Shut the fuck up.”_ Carmilla says.)

The season finale also comes and goes after a few weeks, and with it, the fans' internet cries of pain when they watched the ending of season 2. In a matter of a few hours, the hashtag _#SilasUs3_ is trending, and although there still isn't any news from the network, Carmilla has high hopes for its renewal.

And come on, who wouldn't want another season after that ending?

Carmilla busies herself with auditions and other random jobs that Betty can give her. She manages to grab a guest role from this long running show about murders in the 50s, one that Laura had already guest starred on, so she's fairly occupied as Laura also takes jobs left and right.

Just like the break between season 1 and 2, Carmilla doesn't see Laura nearly as much as she wants. They meet up at least once a week, either because of interviews or just to hang out. But during the times when neither work, nor Laura occupies her time (and she feels like she's read her books a hundred times), she finds herself idly browsing through her social media—and by that she means her _only_ social media which is Twitter.

It's during one of those boring days when not a single character breakdown that Betty has sent interests her that she discovers something absolutely horrible.

That there are people who ship _Ellia_ and _Simone_.

For real.

As an actual couple.

With a fucking _shipname_.

And people are tweeting her about it.

She is not happy.

* * *

 

Carmilla has voiced her complaints to Laura about the evil ship. Laura had become quiet the first time Carmilla brought it up, before saying that she already knows and that unfortunately, there will always be people in the fandom that are just _wrong_. People who would think that lying and manipulation is romantic instead of toxic.

(Carmilla can feel Laura's anger even through the phone, but Carmilla doesn't want her to be angry or upset on her behalf. So Carm replies with _“You mean like salmonella? Because their shipname totally sounds like salmonella.”_

She smiles when she hears Laura laugh in response.)

As per Carmilla's usual luck, they have to attend a _SilasU_ panel where there are very few but very loud _Salmonella_ shippers.

Why is it that the idiots and morons are always the loud ones?

Most of the cast are there. Elsie and Dillon are closest to the panel host on the long table, followed by Carmilla, Laura, Sarge and ( _gag_ ) Ell. Spencer and Perry are seated with the audience in case production related stuff are asked (and Carmilla would assume, back up plans for a possible _Code Ell R_ _é_ _sistance_ ). Carmilla rolls her eyes at their lack of subtlety.

The panel starts off well. Generic questions first and then some more random ones from the host to make it a little livelier. They even have a role swap where Laura ends up as _Rebecca_ , and Carmilla as _Billy_. Suffice to say, with Carmilla's natural seductiveness (if she does say so herself) and a little script tweaking, a what had been a simple cute meet scene between the two became a full on flirting session that can raise ship wars.

“Why the fuck is that scene so much more shippable with you two?” Elsie questions and half complains. “They meet for the first time and are suspicious of each other. There's no shipping moment here!”

Carmilla smugly replies. “ _Any_ moment can be a shipping moment with me.”

“You two should give us pointers next time,” Sarge says, eliciting a laugh from the audience. “I mean, I play Billy and I agreed when they changed the script because I felt like there wasn't much development between Rebecca and Billy romance wise.”

Dillon pipes up. “Weren't you paying attention to any _Amellia_ scenes? You should've added more heart eyes.”

“All _Amellia_ scenes are shipping scenes!” Laura happily supplies.

The next scene where they swap roles, Elsie ends up being _Ellia_ and Sarge ends up as _Amanda_. The two take their revenge by emphasizing the heart eyes between every line and exaggeratedly playing off the shy girl and punk girl trope.

By the end of that role swap, the host announces “I am super gay, but that scene just made me ship Billy and Rebecca.”

Dillon just shouts, “THE POWER OF HEART EYES.”

* * *

 

Carmilla should've expected it, really. It's in the list of _Generic Questions asked in a Panel v. 1.0_ , but she's apparently too naive to even have considered that.

Because when _generic question#15: 'what was the hardest scene to film?'_ is asked by a random fan, Carmilla's mind immediately jumps back to that moment with Ell and she suddenly has a little trouble breathing.

Laura, ever the perceptive one, immediately takes her hand and mumbles a soft “Are you okay?” at her.

Carmilla takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, the warm hand in hers helping her calm down, before nodding to ease Laura's worries.

Aside from some very brief worried glances thrown Carmilla's way by Elsie, Dillon and Sarge, they make no comment on it, each of them answering with equally ridiculous explanations on why walking like a human is the most difficult scene to film.

Carmilla sticks to every scene where she has to sleep or be unconscious, which she had to do a lot this season, as she points out, and Laura says “all the fight scenes with magical attacks were a little awkward but fun to shoot, because deflecting nothing and pretending to get thrown back on cue pretty hilarious.”

(They manage to get Perry to promise that she'll release the footage without the effects in the BTS content.)

When they finally get to Ell, Carmilla and Laura simultaneously flinches when she answers “the scene after _Tyler_ and _Amanda_ witnesses _Ellia_ get possessed”.

A few _Salmonella_ shippers make their presence known by saying it's the _'Possession Comfort Scene'_ and honestly, as much as she loves _SilasU_ fans, she kinda wants to throw a chair at them.

Ell goes on about how emotionally difficult it had been for her to shoot that scene, saying some bullshit like “so sad” and “ _Simone_ was the only one who can give _Ellia_ comfort at the time”, and if it hadn't been for Laura holding her hand so tightly, Carmilla fears she would've slipped into panic right in the middle of the panel because of the reminder.

She's resigned to just enduring Ell talk until the Evil Queen starts to mention Carmilla as well. “...fun fact on that scene, Carmilla actually—”

“Shut the fuck up.”

It takes Carmilla, and everyone in the panel really, a moment to realize that it's Laura who spoke. Throughout all their interviews and BtS (and even simply hanging out with Carmilla), Laura has never cursed. The fact that she suddenly did and the curse being directed at Ell brought about an awkward silence in the room.

Ell is the first to recover, trying to play it off as nothing and smiling oh so prettily as she replies, “What? I was just gonna tell them—”

Laura stops her again. “No. How fucking dare you?” Finally, she lets go of Carmilla's hands covers her mic with both of hers (which had been amplifying every word she'd been saying to everyone in the room), but even with that, her angry voice can still be faintly heard in the quiet hall as she continues. “You don't get to act all cheery and say _fun fact_ because there was nothing _fun_ about filming that scene. And you have no right— _absolutely no right_ , to be sharing whatever happened there especially when—”

Carmilla grabs Laura's hand again, hoping to calm her down. “Laura.”

Laura stops at Carmilla's words, and she breathes in deeply. The continued silence and the occasional whispers in the panel starts to make Carmilla uncomfortable, but Dillon pats her on the back, asking her a soft _'are you okay?'_ whilst Elsie looks at them worriedly, and their support reassures her a little bit.

“So I guess everyone is just so curious about what happened now, huh?” She jokes, hoping to get rid of the awkward silence and just continue the panel. They have 15 minutes left for audience questions, and Carmilla is determined to see it through.

The panel host, bless her, immediately waves her off, saying, “Oh no, you don't have to tell us anything if you're uncomfortable. We can just move on to the next question, right guys?” A number of people from the audience murmurs in agreement, but seeing some of the _Salmonella_ shippers makes her realize that she can't just not answer.

Still holding onto Laura's hand like an anchor, she shakes her head. “No, it's fine. It's actually pretty important, especially since there are Ellia and Simone shippers in this panel.” There's a soft _woohoo_ from the said group, but Carmilla doesn't smile. “When we were filming that scene with Ellia and Simone, after Amanda and Tyler left, I actually had a panic attack in the last take.” It's almost comical how so many people in the audience gasped in horror, but she can't really find the humor in that. “I used to be in an emotionally abusive relationship, and Simone lying to me in order to manipulate me kind of triggered it.” She admits, staring at the mic in front of her to avoid the fans' reactions to her confession. “Actually, the scene that was put into the episode was the take that I was having an attack so you can actually see it. I haven't had a panic attack in years, so when I read the script, I thought I would be okay.” Tentatively, she looks up to the worried faces of Spencer and Perry who are seated in the front row and smiles a bit. “Spencer, our director, and Perry, our producer, even offered to remove the take but I was like 'I pulled off a scene while having a panic attack. How many actors can say that?' so they decided to put it in anyway.”

She pauses, sneaking a glance at Laura for strength, only to find the said Cupcake already looking at her with such worried yet adoring eyes. They look at each other for a moment, before Carmilla has to tear her gaze away and continue. “As for the topic of Simone and Ellia's relationship, I am 100% against them.” She firmly states. “An Amellia shipper pointed out that the way Simone treats Ellia makes them uncomfortable, and it was written that way on purpose. I'm sure it affected people more like me who has experienced being in an abusive relationship, because that's what it's supposed to show. It's supposed to show the audience what an abusive relationship looks like.” Her throat tightens as she speaks, but she pushes the incoming tears back. “So I'm sorry to Simone and Ellia shippers, I usually don't care about who fans ship, but this is why this pairing is an exception for me. If after this panel you still ship them, please do some self-evaluation on why you think abuse is romantic. And for the love of all that is unholy, do not message or tweet me about it. I swear to god I will block you.”

–

She's not sure how she's suddenly in the backroom with the staff instead of in front of hundreds of fans in the panel hall, but what she is sure of is that Laura is with her running a hand through her hair.

“Are you okay?” is the first thing from Laura's mouth that Carmilla understands.

For a moment, she just stares at the blonde, before coming back to her senses and replying with a “Yeah, I'm fine.”

Laura doesn't stop combing her hair. “Are you sure?”

Carmilla nods. “How did we get here? Weren't we in the panel…?”

“I got us out of there when I noticed you started spacing out.” Laura says. And Carmilla just nods again, not really comprehending what that means. “That was brave what you did there.”

Carmilla just shrugs, still unable to feel anything but numb. “I needed to say it. If I didn't, they won't realize how wrong relationships like that are. Some of them might even get stuck in one and never realize it's abuse. I don't really like sharing it to people, but if doing so will save someone else from it, I'm okay with revealing some of my secrets.”

Laura pauses with her soothing hair combing, making Carmilla frown lightly. “That's… amazing of you to think.”

“Yeah, well, talking to Dr. Grey kinda made me realize some stuff.”

“Dr. Grey?”

“Yeah, my therapist.”

“...you didn't tell me you got a therapist.”

Laura's hand on her arm and her hair are still the only things she can feel, so she isn't really sure what Laura's face means. “You didn't know?” Laura just stares at her with a face. “Oh right, it was supposed to be a surprise.”

Laura's voice was suddenly a lot softer. “A surprise?”

“I really wanted to be better for you.” Carmilla frowns again. “No, not for you. I wanted to be better for me, because you keep telling me that I deserved better, and whenever I think of better, I think of you.” Carmilla nods, satisfied of her answer. “I want to be the person that deserves you, Laura.”

There are tears in Laura's eyes when Carmilla looks again, but she's not sure if it's happy tears or not. But when Laura holds her face between her hands, smiling at her so prettily, she thinks maybe they're good tears. “You already do, Carm.”

Laura says it with such certainty that Carmilla can only agree. “Okay.”

Their foreheads connect, and Carmilla can Laura's breath against her face as she whispers, “Can we talk about this? Later when you're better?”

She's not sure how, but warmth finally started seeping through her chest. “I'd like that.”

–

_**@silashoe:** _ _something amazing just happened in the #SilasUPanel_

_**@bibibi:** _ _I've never been so in love with a tv show cast. #SilasUPanel just proved how amazing these human beings are_

_**@IamApanDuh: @HeyCarmilla** _ _is my hero. thank you so much for sharing you experiences. it personally helped me to know that someone with experiences like us can break free #SilasUPanel_

_**@LoveisLoveisLove: @SilasU** _ _has the best cast and_ _**@HeyCarmilla** _ _is so brave to tell us that in front of fans who support that awful ship. I don't know how else to support you except #SilasUs3 #SilasUPanel_

_**@FairyGayMother:** _ _I've handled bigger panels from more popular shows but none has been as meaningful for me as the #SilasUPanel_ _**@SilasU @HeyCarmilla** _ _I hope we see you again next year!_

The video of the panel hasn't even been posted yet, but the news already spread throughout the fandom. The organizers of the panel even asked Carmilla's permission to post it, and while she'd always assumed that they would, she was still grateful that they asked.

The responses are mostly positive, only with what seemed like a few trollers who tagged her or messaged her about _Salmonella_ (they are immediately blocked like promised. Carmilla doesn't give a fuck about them). But there are still some that has the _ship and let ship_ argument and insist the ship is not abusive at all, even giving out bullet points of why it's perfectly healthy. Laura promptly shuts them down with a bullet point reply of her own.

_**Jenny Simone's wife <3  
@JSimone4ever** _

**@SilasU** _ why #Simonellia is otp 1/2 _

_\- Simone helped Ellia stop the possessions_

_\- she was the only one that was there for Ellia all through out_

| 

_**Jenny** **< 3 ** **Simone's wife <3  
@JSimone4ever** _

**@SilasU** _2/2_

_\- Simone protected Ellia when Billy tried to hurt her_

_\- 'I will never let you go' <3_

| 

_**Laura Hollis  
@Laura2theLetter** _

_Hi. To clarify your points_

_\- the thingy that Simone gave Ellia makes the possessions worse not better (1/?)_

| 

**_Laura Hollis  
@Laura2theLetter_ **

_\- Simone painted Ellia as someone who can and will hurt her friends and isolated her from people that cared about her (2/?)_

| 

**_Laura Hollis  
@Laura2theLetter_ **

_\- Billy was trying to get Ellia back in the only way he knows (fighting) and Simone stopped him coz she doesn't want Ellia to break free 3/?_

| 

**_Laura Hollis  
@Laura2theLetter_ **

_\- the context of this line is Ellia wanting to be free of the possession and when Ellia voiced this, Simone literally told her she can't 4/?_

| 

_**Laura Hollis  
@Laura2theLetter** _

_maybe try to actually pay attention to what's happening in the show? (END)_

It is definitely out of character for Laura, and people are definitely surprised, but a lot of fans seem to like this side of Laura. Carmilla can't say she disagrees, because while she can definitely defend herself, having Laura on her side is the most comforting thought.

She knows they can get through this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank my 4 hour flight that i finished this XD
> 
> sorry about the wait! I was planning on posting this when Elise won but it wasn't finished yet so hahahahaha anyway, i was just ranting in this chapter about how stupid the whole ship and let ship idea is. There are ships that just shouldn't be shipped, like you know, abusive relationships or illegal one or just the really sick ones. If your ship aint bad, i have no qualms. If you ship a certain character with their abuser? you are fucked up
> 
> also??!!!?!?!? is that development? gggaaaassspppsss are they finally gonna talk about their not so obvious feelings??!!?! is the slow burn finally over??!!!! ahhahaha spoilers
> 
> i've also been super busy with Horizon (i ship Aloy and Talanah) and Life is Strange Before the Storm which made it hard for me to finish this chapter XD some peeps borrowed them though so now i only have Dragon Age. so i wanna ask, Josephine or Sera? XD
> 
> anyways, lemme know your thoughts! :D

**Author's Note:**

> hi! yes. I have a tumblr. i don't know i post random stuff
> 
> if you want SilasU headcanons i may post it on tumblr or you can just send an ask for something specific XD or hey, send me your SilasU headcanon if you have one haha
> 
> 61wisampa.tumblr.com


End file.
